While researching and writing my third manuscript I stumbled upon a song called "Time Changes Everything", by Nyctalgia, it's an instrumental song, and it's eerily captivating.
I'll post it for you here, perhaps you can listen to it as you read this. I enjoy some good "themed" background music sometimes, perhaps you will as well.
So this song comes to mind sometimes, I'm not entirely sure why, but it's burrowed into my subconscious and pops up at times when IT feels it's appropriate. It's quite an odd phenomenon to be honest with you, to have a song weasel it's way into your brain and take up residency there.
So there I was, it was Sunday. Jerimy was working around the house, and I wanted to make one of those fantastic Sunday big dinners that other people and families enjoy on a regular basis. I told Jerimy I'd run to the store and pick some things up for him and for our dinner. I was wearing my black form fitting yoga shorts (which I rarely leave the house in shorts due to the fact that I'm basically an albino and cannot absorb sun like other human beings), a purple and black tank top with a racer back and black flip flops. Not exactly an outfit I'd normally go shopping in, but it was early I rationalized that nobody I would know would be at the store on a Sunday morning, hence, therefore nobody would see me, and it'd be like I never wore this in public. Very similar to the whole...."if the tree falls in the forest and nobody see's it" philosophy.
I decided that for our grand Sunday dinner, we were going to enjoy, pan fried baked chicken, mashed potatoes, biscuits, shells and cheese macaroni and for dessert, strawberry cheesecake! About makes your mouth water doesn't it? I was pretty excited. After my divorce, I was really single for a long time, and one thing you really miss when you live alone, is having someone to cook for. You can't make a big meal or you'll be eating leftovers for a month!
Anyway, so I'm at the store, headed down the soda aisle when who do I see? One of my ex's. My first ex. The first boy I'd ever been crazy about. I haven't seen him in years, and the last time we spoke, he basically ripped my heart out of my chest, lit it on fire and then pissed on it. Not to be dramatic, but that's pretty much the way it went. Worst of all, he did it completely on purpose, and with total malice and disregard for my mental well being. He was a rather mean boy when he wanted to be.
I froze for a moment upon the realization of who I'd just locked eyes with, and then hurriedly pushed my cart in the opposite direction of him, knowing full well, unless I hid in this aisle for the next 20 minutes or so, I WOULD surely cross paths with him again should I continue on with shopping. The store was entirely too small for the both of us, but I refused to leave the dream of Sunday dinner made with love for Jerimy all because some ghost from my past decided to haunt me this day.
So I headed for the milk. Cursed as my luck can be sometimes, Ex-guy was standing at the milk cooler when I arrived there. I refused to run, to slink away from the situation, so I stood next to him, practically elbow to elbow, neither one of us made eye contact, and neither said a word. I pretended like I didn't recognize him.....Ignorance is bliss right?
I held my head high, and as he moved away from where I stood, heading toward the frozen pizza case, I looked at the man he'd grown himself into. He wasn't at all like I'd remembered. I used to think he was so cool. Now, he just looked ordinary. Running shoes, T-shirt and athletic shorts.....he was entirely NOT the way I remembered him. He was no longer special to me in any way, he was just some guy I used to know. Nothing more, nothing less. Upon that realization, I was no longer affected by his presence.
Naturally we checked out nearly simultaneously, and headed to the parking lot with our groceries at the same time. He walked to his minivan, me to Jerimy's yellow car and I thought..."A MINI VAN??!??! He drives a mini van now? Wow, that's not the boy I knew"...and then I smiled.
The music started in my head then....Time truly does change things. And for the better, and the way it's supposed to. I was never meant to be with a boy who'd hurt me the way he had, I was never meant to be seated in that mini van next to him on this journey of life, I was always meant to be exactly where I am now, with Jerimy....riding my motorcycle down fifth street racing each other from light to light like we do when we're out together. Him always winning of course. My 883 Sportster doesn't stand a chance against his monster Dyna Glide.
It's a satisfying feeling when you realize that all of your hurts from yesterday don't hold a candle to all the joys of your today.
So THANK YOU EX-GUY for breaking my heart all those years ago, no hard feelings.....because without your doing so, I'd never be where I am now.