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Well let’s see. I was born during the Blizzard of 1978 in Lima, Ohio. I have lived in Ohio all my life. I like it here. We have corn fields instead of oceans, overpasses instead of mountains and fog instead of smog. Sure it's not the promise land, but sometimes one doesn't need postcard worthy beauty on the outside to have it elsewhere. I'm a writer for fun, a Paralegal for profession, and while one pays the bills, one feeds my imagination, or perhaps my imagination feeds my writing...either way, Writing is as much of who I am as the color of my eyes, or the way that I smile. Blogs are great communication tools, and I'm here to communicate with YOU...yeah, you who's reading this right now....*assuming anyone's out there* *crickets chirp* Alrightee then, IF anyone should find themselves here, be it by accident or on purpose, welcome, glad to have you aboard. Throw anchor, stay awhile! Sunshine & Smiles, ~Heather Lynn~

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Free Books, what could be better?....


Ok, so it's a very scary thing as a writer to give your book away for free.  I mean, it's almost as scary as selling it.  Amazon has this Kindle Select Program you can enroll in, where you can do Promotions, give books away, etc. and I thought, well, why not?!  Why not reach some new readers, give them a free read, and hope they like what they read.

I ran the promotion for five days, I thought 500 downloads was a pretty hefty goal to have met at the end of 5 days, I mean, 100 people a day, well that's more people than I normally reach, but I had decided to set my sights high, reach for the stars and all that jazz! *laughs*

One day one, I logged in a few hours after the promotion began, and there were already nearly 1,000 downloads.  My mouth fell open, my eyes squinted, surely this must be some mistake, how could I have THAT many downloads in just a few hours, I clicked around the page, refreshing, maybe that would give me the correct number, but instead, it shot up 200 more downloads!  "No freaking way!"  I whispered to myself...that's NOT possible.

By the end of the day it was up to 1,700.

By the end of day TWO....2,282 downloaded copies....

At the end of the Five day promotion, there were FIVE THOUSAND, SIX HUNDRED AND NINETY-NINE Downloaded copies of 'Dead in a Ditch"...my first born and beloved novel.

I don't know about about you guys, but that seems like A LOT of people!  I mean, holy cow, that's a lot of people that I don't know, from all around the world, who are all holding my blood sweat and tears in their hands....that's a possible 5,699 BAD reviews I could potentially get, or 5,699 GOOD reviews...you just never know.

I was downloaded in India, Australia, France, the UK, Italy, Canada, Japan and Denmark, just to name a few!  Now, just so you know I'm not blowing smoke up your ass and I had my friends download 5,699 free copies just to make me feel good, I know exactly ONE person in Italy the lovely, the beautiful Alexandra, and I believe my friend Leeno is currently in the UK...somewhere...aside from that, I don't have a lot of overseas friends...however, perhaps I now have "overseas readers"...which is kind of the same as friends, because the relationship between a writer and a reader is an intimate one..to be sure!

So I guess this post is just to thank the many strangers who downloaded my novel, making my promotional period a whopping success.  I sincerely hope you enjoy my baby "Dead in a Ditch"...and if you don't, go easy on me in your review on Amazon should you decide to leave one, I don't want to be in the fetal position crying for three days on my couch!  I can take constructive criticism, I just don't take it all that well! *laughs*  And, well, I'll just say it, with the passing of my Grandmother, and the other "setbacks" of this past week, I've cried enough.  I think I met the quota for the rest of 2014 in fact.

So to my new OVERSEAS FRIENDS, and to my new American and Canadian FRIENDS...pleased to meet you!

With Love and Gratitude,

~Heather Lynn Osting~

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

My grandma always said....

My Grandma Always said that there are times in life when you find yourself, the world, or your loved ones in a mess that you cannot begin to clean up, sometimes things will be out of your hands, however, you can always clean up the mess around you."  This was her way of saying there would always be A mess to clean up right where you live.  Dirty Carpets, Dirty Dishes, Leaves needing raked, clothes needing put away, etc.  I loved that about her, she was the perfect example of that old saying about "idle hands doing the devil's work"...well my Grandmother never had an Idle hand her entire life I don't believe.  She was an absolute example of someone who made her way in life.  She drove like a maniac, she mowed grass like a fiend, she weed-whacked men ten time her size and 40 years younger than her right under the table.  She was so feisty, and determined, and surprisingly optimistic for someone who was always elbow deep in work!

So yesterday, after she died, and I held her hand, 
{this is actually my cousin Terrie's hand, but that's my tiny little grandma's hand}

I kissed her forehead and told her goodbye, I went home to clean up the mess that I COULD clean, I needed my hands to be like hers, UN-IDLE, So I cried all the way home and then walked in the door and pulled out my vacuum and vacuumed my floors while I cried some more.  I washed windows, I did laundry, I organized shoes, did the dishes....anything and everything I knew she would have liked to have seen me do.  She was an immaculate house cleaner.  I'll never forget her telling me when I lived with her, "Everything has it's home Heather!"  There is no sense in things just laying around.  They need to be in their home.  It's a motto I've really tried to adopt, and I have no doubt whatsoever that my beloved Grandma will be watching from heaven to see IF I ever master the art of.  I pray for her guidance and determination to someday make her proud of me.

If you didn't know my grandma, you wouldn't know that my grandpa died before I was born.  "Grandpa Red" as I know and call him, he died so young, only in his 50's, and left my grandma with six children, a home and a company he built from the ground up behind.  I could NEVER believe the kind of strength it took for her to not only step up to the challenge, but to actually kick ass doing it.  She never dated, she never had a man-friend.  She devoted her life, her heart to her family, and I was always amazed that she stayed as true to my grandpa after his death, as she had while he was alive.  She just wasn't that type.  She loved, she vowed, and that was it.  Grandpa was her one and only, and there just wasn't anything that was going to change that.

My Grandma and I didn't always see eye to eye, and I frankly didn't really understand the woman until I moved in with her when I was in my early 20's.  She had this HUGE basement that had more than enough room for two of me to live down there.  She had this thing about not liking to sleep in a house alone, and after my Uncle Ben and Aunt Kim moved out upon completion of their new house, She asked me if I would consider moving in with her.

It was tough to give up the complete freedom of my own apartment, but I knew it was the good Granddaughter thing to do.   Our family is quite dutiful, we all know what it is to sacrifice our own wants and desires to take care of those around us.  It's ingrained in our DNA I think.

Anyway, so I moved in with her and O-M-G....she was such a NEAT FREAK!  She told me that there was a right way and a wrong way to do EVERYTHING.  I once caught her rearranging the clothes I'd hung on the clothes line.  She drove me absolutely insane at first, it was like I couldn't do ANYTHING by her definition of "right"...Boy did we have our little spats with each other...what a painful transition it was to be a good roomie to my 80-some year old Grandmother.

But before long, things started to smooth out, she and I began to mesh, and every night you could find she and I sitting at her kitchen table, with the rolling wheeled chairs, playing cards, eating popcorn and drinking a beer together.  My grandma always had her Miller Genuine Draft every night with her popcorn.  It always cracked me up to see her swigging beer from the bottle.  It was just so odd for me to see.  But she was one HELL of a card player, that tiny woman kicked my ass up on side and down the other on the regular!  I once accused her of cheating, and she just laughed so hard!  She thought the idea of her "having" to cheat just ridiculously funny!  She didn't need to cheat by god, she was just that good at cards!

And then there was the time, I wanted to dye my hair, but didn't make it to the store in time to pick some up, and she said, I think I have a box of dye here, just use mine.  So I did, and she offered to do it for me.  Now, this might be a good time to mention that my grandma's hair was FIRE ENGINE red, and I had strawberry blonde hair....she assured me it would be fine.

When we were finished, my head was like NEON red!  My hairdresser the next day when I walked in for my haircut said "OMG, Heather, you could stop traffic with that hair...what did you do?  I just smiled and said, "Grandma Peg did my hair!"  She laughed and laughed and said "well, you do look quite a bit like her!"  I'll never forget wrapping her little scarves around my head until it toned down some and I didn't look like I was the front woman for some alternative rock band.

This is my grandma at my cousin Suzi's wedding....isn't she adorable?!

This is my family being "comical"

One of my favorite things to have inherited, a good sense of humor!

Grandma Peg, is/was/and will always be one of the most amazing women I have ever had the pleasure to know.  She worked so hard, at everything and all the time.  She worked at the very nursing home she died in, into her 80's!  Taking people who were younger than her!  She was a natural caregiver!  Always taking care of me, my cousins, my aunt's and uncles, anywhere she was needed, there you'd find her.

Once when I lived with her, I got really really sick, I mean, SICK.  I was so fevered and delirious that I actually went outside and laid in a snow drift.  My Grandma found me, and with her like 90 pound little tiny body, picked me up and carried me inside.  She was so concerned for me, and she took such good care of me, and I KNOW she loved me as if I were her very own.  And when you're sick, having someone take care of you is a very intimate thing.  They see you at your worst, and they love you with their best.  I will always think of that when I'm feeling unwell, the wonderful care she bestowed on me.

In closing, my grandma was a HUGE bird lover!  She knew like every single species, she watched them on her bird feeder every single morning, she loved nature, and creatures.  However she vehemently HATED Red Jimmy Squirrels and Blue Jays.  She would often times pull out her little .22 and shoot at them to get them away from her precious bird feeders.  Apparently Blue Jays are "bullies" and they raid other bird's nests or something...and I have no idea what the hell Red Jimmies ever did to her, I suppose they were nest raiders too, but watching my grandma shoot her .22 out the window while eating her breakfast cereal...well that's just something you never forget.  Especially the time she accidentally grabbed her 410, instead of her .22, and shot while standing on the toilet so she could see out the window, she blew herself right off the danged toilet and about rolled down the basement stairs!  God luv her!
I could tell you about her all damned day long, and probably all night as well....
I just could.

Yesterday when she died, the sky was cloudy and spitting rain.  It was grey and dreary and it matched my mood perfectly.  The rain being the tears that ran down my cheeks on and off all day.
However, before sun set, the clouds parted and a double rainbow appeared:

and i just knew that was my grandma, letting us know she had arrived, and found her daughter, my Aunt Mary, and my Aunt Barb, and she was hugging Grandpa.  

She found her brother Vernon, and she was no longer an "old lady", she had the able body she once had, capable of damn near everything.  See, my grandma didn't know that Mary died, or that Barb had died, so seeing them there, well, that would have been quite the surprise.  Her dementia made it hard to comprehend things that were happening around her the last few years.  But if I know my grandma, she's fussing over everyone, and mothering everyone, playing cards, keeping an eye open for a blue jay or two, and her other eye is watching on us, making sure we're doing our best, cleaning up the messes we can, and taking care of one another the way she taught us to do.

I only hope that I will use the rest of my life to make her proud of the woman she taught me to be, and that I could be.

I love you Grandma Peg, and I look forward to the day I see you again.

Your loving Granddaughter, now and forever,
~Heather Lynn~

Sunday, October 5, 2014

Sunday Night Football Fun..ny:

So here I sit, curled up on my couch, fire burning in the fireplace just in the background of my laptop screen, the Big TV is on, it's week 5 of NFL, The patriots are showing the world that they are in fact an NFL caliber football team, despite last week's showing.

All the pregame talked about was how Tom Brady's 37 and maybe past his prime, they talked about Bill Belicheck considering a Quarterback change...I mean, geesh, you have one bad day at work and next thing you know your job is on the line and an entire nation of football fans think you're all washed up!!

Which got me to thinking, what if us average Joe's had to live under the scrutiny of analysis of how we perform our jobs?  What if after work, we could tune into the highlight reel of our day at work?

Can't you just hear Chris Collinsworth now......:

"Well folks, if you're just tuning in, So far tonight, Heather's been battling the copy machine, it's been a brutal battle of wits and physical strength all night, it's a match up that a lot of people thought would be tough machine on woman coverage....wait, flag on the play, "Paper Jam..." This is going to take five minutes off the clock....Jeanne from IT might have to take a time out here if they hope to continue forward progress.

"Ohhhhh...wow, what a hit!  Greg, Heather's boss just slammed her with six new cases with only 4 minutes left on the clock, it's going to be interesting to see what she does here, does she go for it on 4th down, or will she punt?  It's a crucial situation and she faces a tough defense.  Oh, ok, she will punt the work down field.....and it makes it all the way down to the 8:30 am. tomorrow line where we'll see what can be done to pass these cases off to a receiver.

Ohhhhhh...What a hit!  Heather took it to the inside and was HIT hard by Judy, who released 27 cases of heavy hard hitting cases that need sorted and documented, and forwarded to their prospective team.  Heather was a 4th round draft pick, coming out of Rhodes State College, in her rookie season, she faced fierce opposition up and down the field, every single time she set foot on the second floor.

This just in, Head Coach Greg M. is going head to head with one of the Referee's over a Judgment Entry made against Osting, She may loose field position, and possibly preferred parking in the company Parking lot.  Osting's predecessor, a recent 3rdD Hall of Fame inductee, would have never made a rookie mistake of this magnitude!

With only six yards from the redzone, Osting has fumbled the paperclip, and it was recovered by a Law Clerk, who ran it down the hallway and deposited it in the supply drawer.  That's the fifteenth paperclip this week Osting has let slip through her fingers!  It's this kind of sloppy office work and lack of dedication that will determine whether she'll stay in the league.


And how about having people announce on National Television that you're 37, and past your prime, unable to perform the basic function of your job and people demanding you be "cut" from the team and replaced by some young Andrew-Luck-Punk straight out of college!

Peyton, you keep right on throwing that ball man!  You're a talent at any age in my opinion.  Most recent Superbowl aside....I think we ALL want to forget about that disaster.

Sure, but they make millions of dollars you say...yeah, they do, and their name's in lights...and they get endorsement deals, and trophy wives, etc.  But they also have to work in SPANDEX, sometimes WHITE spandex, we all know how unflattering and unforgiving that can be...


They are forced to wear "shoulder pads" under their work uniform and everyone knows that shoulder pads in the workplace went out of style with Miami Vice!  


They aren't allowed any performance enhancing drugs....

I couldn't even function at my job without my morning coffee coursing through my veins....

And the poor bastards have to work almost every weekend!  They NEVER get to sit on the couch and be lazy, wearing Pj pants, eating pizza while curled up with their dog George, watching their favorite NFL team play on Sunday.

Kind of makes you happy you don't make millions of dollars at your job doesn't it?


No, No, seriously, Keep the millions, I could never work in White Spandex...and I'm not a fan of my superiors and coworkers smacking my ass as a sign of a job well done, that shit's just creepy!  

A Football-luvin
disappointed Chicago Bears Fan in Ohio,