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Well let’s see. I was born during the Blizzard of 1978 in Lima, Ohio. I have lived in Ohio all my life. I like it here. We have corn fields instead of oceans, overpasses instead of mountains and fog instead of smog. Sure it's not the promise land, but sometimes one doesn't need postcard worthy beauty on the outside to have it elsewhere. I'm a writer for fun, a Paralegal for profession, and while one pays the bills, one feeds my imagination, or perhaps my imagination feeds my writing...either way, Writing is as much of who I am as the color of my eyes, or the way that I smile. Blogs are great communication tools, and I'm here to communicate with YOU...yeah, you who's reading this right now....*assuming anyone's out there* *crickets chirp* Alrightee then, IF anyone should find themselves here, be it by accident or on purpose, welcome, glad to have you aboard. Throw anchor, stay awhile! Sunshine & Smiles, ~Heather Lynn~

Friday, February 14, 2014

The boys have.....

The boys have No Shave November:

So it's only fair that the girls have:

{Last night I actually thought I invented the term, and I thought I was super clever and was oh-so-excited about it, but upon googling it today, I found someone beat me to it - Always a day late and a dollar short!}

But due to the fact that it's Valentines day,
and that For this guy,
I'd do just about anything

I broke down and did the unthinkable:

I shaved my legs.

The man bought me roses people!  Red ones!

He's not the only one hoping to get lucky tonight!
~bow chicka wow wow~

Happy Valentines Day!



Thursday, February 13, 2014


So the other day, I read an article on the Feral Hog Epidemic that is plaguing the united states at present.  Currently it is estimated that there are six MILLION Feral hogs on the loose.

Look at these Statistics, they are staggering:

With that said...

Can anyone tell me how we can have a HOG epidemic in this country that is 
yet I still have to pay $7.00
for a little bit of bacon at the grocery store?

I'm no genius,
and I suck at Math
but I'm thinking
Bacon Shortage + 6 Million Problem hogs = Bacon for everyone?!?!?

Did I add that right?
Are my calculations correct?

Tomorrow's Valentines day, the international day of love!
Tomorrow I'll be loving on Jerimy,
but today,
I think it's ok to say
 and I also love....


It's a Bacon thing!

Happy Valentines Day Eve!


Wednesday, February 12, 2014

February this and that:

Yesterday I ate broccoli, why you might ask, well because it's supposed to be good for you, and I actually really like broccoli.

However, my body/stomach/intestines think that broccoli is the devil, and yesterday afternoon, it felt like the devil was in my belly, trying to punch his way out of me!  By 5:19 p.m. thankfully, AFTER I was home from work, my body expelled the green devil up and out my esophagus and mouth in a violent upheaval.  It was awful!

Fine be that way,

My dr. told me to eat better....I tried....and my body said NO SIR!  So when I go back to see Ole Doc. Wehri on Monday, I'm going to tell him it's not my fault, i tried, and was outvoted.  my trashcan, my stomach and my gut says YOU EAT BROCCOLI, cuz we aren't!

So far 2014 and the end of 2013 have been terribly cold.  This morning I ran outside to start my truck, I had no coat on, my hair still damp, in a dress, and it didn't feel "that cold".  I mean, it was cold, but I think I've been freezing for so long, that Mother Nature has converted me into half snow-woman, half Arctic Seal.

I gotta admit, if I have to be a ball of blubber, might as well be a CUTE ball of blubber!  Aren't Arctic Seals just freaking adorable?!?

My birthday is this week, I'm turning 36, and it seems like....HOLY SHIT, how can i possibly be 36 years old, how did this happen to me, and who approved such a thing!?  I don't FEEL 36!  Well, mentally anyway, physically I feel about 110!  Damn aches and pains.

Monday I went to the Chiropractor and you know what she told me?!?!  She said that I had 2 ribs out of place, (which would explain the fact that I couldn't breathe too good), my finger was jammed and I now have "plantar fasciitis" in my left foot!  I mean, am I falling apart or am I falling a part?!?!

Please, someone in their 40's tell me it gets better!  Please?!?!?  It does right?!??!  If not, lie to me, I need to stay optimistic!

Valentines day this week, are you lovers ready to celebrate?  What's your ideal way to send such an occasion?  Dinner?  Movies?  Candlelight interludes in the boudoir?

I personally think "flowers" are awesome for Valentines day, mostly because Valentines day comes in the dead of winter here in Ohio, and something about seeing a bright, cheery, wonderful smelling flower, really just boosts one's mood.  *takes a deep breath*....I can almost smell them now...can't you?

{Best Chocolate in the WORLD}

Chocolate are also a big hit, but then, when ISN"T chocolate a big hit?  I mean seriously, I could eat chocolate every day of my life and never think I was abusing it!  I personally am a really big fan of WHITE chocolate....I think it has something to do with the fact that my redheaded self is practically an albino, so I'm drawn to things that are as pale as i am!  The albino likes albino Chocolate!  Go ahead, poke fun, it's ok, i can take it!  But if you make me mad, beware, I'll flash you and the blinding effect my paleness gives off will blind you for a week!  Don't say you haven't been warned!


On another note, I think as you get older, and old fair-weather friends fade away, you begin to really start to love the friends you have with a passion that is unmatched by anything else.  And the friends you've had since you were kids, aren't just your friends, but are your family, you're truth, your mirror of not just who you are, but who you are to them.  Or perhaps as we get older, we love more maturely!....there's no more pettiness, there's no more getting offended, or spiteful in love....as we get older, we know there's no time for such foolishness.

I like that about aging.  that some things really DO get better with time...not necessarily our bodies on the outside, but I think our insides do, especially our hearts, our minds....our souls.  What do you think?  Have you noticed it too?

In closing, I would like to share some good news!  Many of you have asked how things were going with the book I'm working on, and I kept telling you that something was missing...and that I could NOT continue to write until I found out what that was....well, I'm happy to announce, that I think I found what's missing, it's going to take some re-working the story, and some deleting some of what's been written, but I think the missing link has been found, and I can finally move forward!  You have no idea how relieving this is!  There's nothing worse than being mid-story, and know that something's missing, and having no idea what that something is!?  But there's nothing better than when you FIND what's missing.  Does that make sense?

Well, guys, in case I don't get to tell you on the day of:  HAPPY VALENTINES DAY from me, I hope you are loved, and hugged and kissed til you just can't stand it!  I hope you get to smell flowers, even if they are someone else's, I hope someone gets you, or shares some chocolate with you, and I hope that whether you're in a relationship or not, that love shows up in one form or another and makes you feel like a million bucks!

~Heather Lynn~

Monday, February 3, 2014

We went out that night....

With the best of Intentions....to console a friend going through a hard time, to catch up on new and happenings between friends, and reminisce about old times....like all old friends like to do.  Jerimy went out on the town with his friends, and told me before I walked out the door..."Don't do any guys tonight!" and I smirked at him and replied...."Um, ok, well don't do any girls tonight!"  We both smiled stupidly at each other with excitement for the night that laid before us and with that he was gone.  I watched his little yellow car pull out the drive and disappear in the darkness.

I rarely go out with my friends, mostly because my friends are married, mothers, with very busy lives.....Don't get me wrong, I love them to pieces, and I fully intend on hanging out more when we're 80 and can go to Bingo together and stuff, but for now, I wait for life to settle down.  So you can imagine what a treat it is when we get a "girls night"!

Almost makes you want to shout "wooohooo" doesn't it!?

So we start out at the Beer Barrel...we had some food and some cocktails...I had the "Paradise Punch"...two to be exact and they were heavenly!  I was excited to be out and not be driving, so I intended to partake in some alcohol consumption which is a rarity for me.  Being as I love Jerimy to pieces, I generally am the designated driver when we go out, he drinks, I drive.  And before you go saying I deserve to have fun too, know that I drank my face off in my early 20's and I no longer feel the need to partake like the old days.  Don't get me wrong, I'm no prude, but these days, on the cusp of turning 36, I generally partake in stiff beverages when I've had a bad day and I'm at home in my PJ's.  I rarely drink outside the 4 walls of Jerimy and I's house.  I Do LOVE me some Lemon Pie/Apple Pie/Sloe Gin & OJ, etc.  And sometimes, there's nothing like a Land Shark Beer, or a Angry Orchard to really hit the spot.

But my drink of choice when the gloves are off and the night is young, IS and has always been

And after two drinks at the Beer Barrel,
One beer in transit back to Delphos
and oh, 8-10 shots of Tequila at the Topp Chalet
I was smiling from ear to ear, laughing with friends, and encompassed with pure merriment!

The snow began to fall, 
Fun was being had by all
Jerimy showed up to find a ride home with me
and the Merriment continued all the way from the Topp Chalet
to the front door of Jerimy and I's house!

We were going to call a cab but "TACO AMBER" was kind enough to give us a lift.

We drove home with the Moon Roof Open
Snow coming in like the gleaming lights from a disco ball
and we laughed and sang and danced in our seats the entire seven miles from Delphos to our Spencerville Home.  A Suburb of Delphos as I call it.

I was flying high and feeling no pain
but the last two shots of Tequila that I consumed
hadn't quite kicked in until I got home.
Munchies kicked in, Jerimy and I ate like homeless people
and he passed out in the chair and I went to our bedroom, stripped out of all my clothes and laid down in bed.
Two seconds later, UP out of bed I came!
"NOPE!  THAT AIN"T HAPPENING" I said as the room went swirly and I knew I'd better try and pass out in another position.  Horizontal wasn't going to happen tonight!

Tried my "UGLY CHAIR" in my office.
Tried the couch
I thought about going outside and laying in a snowdrift for awhile....
but settled for a box fan and bed while sitting propped up against the wall.

When I awoke again
the fan was off, I was laying down and Jerimy had come to bed.

But my night was not over...
I threw off the blankets,
ran down the hall, woosey and nauseous
and made it to the toilet just in time to barf my guts out.

I haven't thrown up like that since I was in my early 20's and Amber and I played Drunken Hangman in my studio apartment while doing Black Velvet shots with a Dr. Pepper Chaser!

So I puked and then crawled back to bed...to where the room quit spinning enough for me to pass out.

By the time I woke up the next, it was to the pounding of my head, that felt like a stampeding herd of horses running through my skull.
My vision was blurry it was so horrific!

I took two Aleve early, Pepto-Bismol Cherry
and went back to bed until 1:30 pm, 
when Jerimy woke me up to go pick his car up in Fort Jennings.


Jerimy of course was perfectly fine, being as he is not a lightweight like myself
and he was eating cereal
watching tv
just being perfectly sunshiney him.
When he tried to motivate me to get motivated and dressed
I said "shhhhhhhhh"....quit yelling at me....
he said "I'm not, I'm talking normal"
I said, "shhhhhhh....you're yelling again"
He laughed and was like "Maybe I'm a bit of a loud talker"
I gave him a death stare
And I NEVER give him a death stare or scold him for anything
But Saturday, I was not quite myself
I was Heather Lynn Tequila Osting
and if one word could describe me it was

By last night, after the superbowl
I was feeling a wee bit better.
My headache went down to a level one head emergency
from the level 3 it had been
and by the time we got home
I was ready for bed
that was, until I realize my wallet was gone.
And by gone, I mean, not in my purse, not in my house, not in my vehicle, it was G-O-N-E GONE!
I frantically called Amber and asked her to look in her Van, she was passed out by then so her wonderful husband Kevin did me the honor.
No luck
I called Topp Chalet
NO Wallet.

I went out in my driveway and sifted through all the snow hoping to find it there.

I was nearly in tears thinking about my credit cards being stolen
my bank account emptied
So I decided to search the Topp Chalet parking lot.

I had no other option
So Jerimy, being a saint, put his Chuck Taylors back on, loaded up and drove as fast as my mercury would go back to the scene of our drunken stupor the night before.

The lot had been plowed.

We parked and began kicking out way through huge snow piles near where we parked, hoping and praying for a miracle.

Jerimy found a beer can that I was pretty sure had been one of ours
we thought, we might be close.
I used my ice scraper to pick my section of drift apart...nothing.
It was cold
People leaving the bar looked at us like we were INSANE ASYLUM EXCAPEES
and defeatedly I looked at Jerimy and I said, we're never going to find it are we.
It's like a needle in a haystack!
Jerimy moved North,  I moved south and dug out around a power pole, and with one kick of jerimy's Chuck Taylor, one last ditch kick,
out flew my black studded wallet.
It was like a hangover miracle!
We'd actually FOUND a needle in a haystack!

I was elated.
I was teary eyed
I grabbed Jerimy and hugged him saying over and over and over again
I love you I love you I love you
you're my absolute HERO!!!

So between the worst hangover of my adult life,
the drama of a lost wallet
the worst Superbowl I've ever seen
Feeling horrible for Payton Manning

Who looked at lot like me when I accepted that I probably was NOT going to find my wallet and that I'm a sucktastic idiot who was NEVER DRINKING AGAIN!!!!

I've decided that I won't be the least bit miffed by being designated driver for a very very very long time!

Tequila, I love you, but I'm sorry, I just can see you anymore
It's not you, it's me.
I just need some space right now
I mean, we've had some good times,
we've had some GREAT times
but I just don't see it working out between us.

And Jerimy, you're still and will always be my HERO!

On the wagon in Ohio,
~Heather Lynn Tequila Osting~