With the best of Intentions....to console a friend going through a hard time, to catch up on new and happenings between friends, and reminisce about old times....like all old friends like to do. Jerimy went out on the town with his friends, and told me before I walked out the door..."Don't do any guys tonight!" and I smirked at him and replied...."Um, ok, well don't do any girls tonight!" We both smiled stupidly at each other with excitement for the night that laid before us and with that he was gone. I watched his little yellow car pull out the drive and disappear in the darkness.
I rarely go out with my friends, mostly because my friends are married, mothers, with very busy lives.....Don't get me wrong, I love them to pieces, and I fully intend on hanging out more when we're 80 and can go to Bingo together and stuff, but for now, I wait for life to settle down. So you can imagine what a treat it is when we get a "girls night"!
Almost makes you want to shout "wooohooo" doesn't it!?
So we start out at the Beer Barrel...we had some food and some cocktails...I had the "Paradise Punch"...two to be exact and they were heavenly! I was excited to be out and not be driving, so I intended to partake in some alcohol consumption which is a rarity for me. Being as I love Jerimy to pieces, I generally am the designated driver when we go out, he drinks, I drive. And before you go saying I deserve to have fun too, know that I drank my face off in my early 20's and I no longer feel the need to partake like the old days. Don't get me wrong, I'm no prude, but these days, on the cusp of turning 36, I generally partake in stiff beverages when I've had a bad day and I'm at home in my PJ's. I rarely drink outside the 4 walls of Jerimy and I's house. I Do LOVE me some Lemon Pie/Apple Pie/Sloe Gin & OJ, etc. And sometimes, there's nothing like a Land Shark Beer, or a Angry Orchard to really hit the spot.
But my drink of choice when the gloves are off and the night is young, IS and has always been
And after two drinks at the Beer Barrel,
One beer in transit back to Delphos
and oh, 8-10 shots of Tequila at the Topp Chalet
I was smiling from ear to ear, laughing with friends, and encompassed with pure merriment!
The snow began to fall,
Fun was being had by all
Jerimy showed up to find a ride home with me
and the Merriment continued all the way from the Topp Chalet
to the front door of Jerimy and I's house!
We were going to call a cab but "TACO AMBER" was kind enough to give us a lift.
We drove home with the Moon Roof Open
Snow coming in like the gleaming lights from a disco ball
and we laughed and sang and danced in our seats the entire seven miles from Delphos to our Spencerville Home. A Suburb of Delphos as I call it.
I was flying high and feeling no pain
but the last two shots of Tequila that I consumed
hadn't quite kicked in until I got home.
Munchies kicked in, Jerimy and I ate like homeless people
and he passed out in the chair and I went to our bedroom, stripped out of all my clothes and laid down in bed.
Two seconds later, UP out of bed I came!
"NOPE! THAT AIN"T HAPPENING" I said as the room went swirly and I knew I'd better try and pass out in another position. Horizontal wasn't going to happen tonight!
Tried my "UGLY CHAIR" in my office.
Tried the couch
I thought about going outside and laying in a snowdrift for awhile....
but settled for a box fan and bed while sitting propped up against the wall.
When I awoke again
the fan was off, I was laying down and Jerimy had come to bed.
But my night was not over...
I threw off the blankets,
ran down the hall, woosey and nauseous
and made it to the toilet just in time to barf my guts out.
I haven't thrown up like that since I was in my early 20's and Amber and I played Drunken Hangman in my studio apartment while doing Black Velvet shots with a Dr. Pepper Chaser!
So I puked and then crawled back to bed...to where the room quit spinning enough for me to pass out.
By the time I woke up the next, it was to the pounding of my head, that felt like a stampeding herd of horses running through my skull.
My vision was blurry it was so horrific!
I took two Aleve early, Pepto-Bismol Cherry
and went back to bed until 1:30 pm,
when Jerimy woke me up to go pick his car up in Fort Jennings.
I FELT SO EFFIN AWFUL!
Jerimy of course was perfectly fine, being as he is not a lightweight like myself
and he was eating cereal
just being perfectly sunshiney him.
When he tried to motivate me to get motivated and dressed
I said "shhhhhhhhh"....quit yelling at me....
he said "I'm not, I'm talking normal"
I said, "shhhhhhh....you're yelling again"
He laughed and was like "Maybe I'm a bit of a loud talker"
I gave him a death stare
And I NEVER give him a death stare or scold him for anything
But Saturday, I was not quite myself
I was Heather Lynn Tequila Osting
and if one word could describe me it was
By last night, after the superbowl
I was feeling a wee bit better.
My headache went down to a level one head emergency
from the level 3 it had been
and by the time we got home
I was ready for bed
that was, until I realize my wallet was gone.
And by gone, I mean, not in my purse, not in my house, not in my vehicle, it was G-O-N-E GONE!
I frantically called Amber and asked her to look in her Van, she was passed out by then so her wonderful husband Kevin did me the honor.
I called Topp Chalet
I went out in my driveway and sifted through all the snow hoping to find it there.
I was nearly in tears thinking about my credit cards being stolen
my bank account emptied
So I decided to search the Topp Chalet parking lot.
I had no other option
So Jerimy, being a saint, put his Chuck Taylors back on, loaded up and drove as fast as my mercury would go back to the scene of our drunken stupor the night before.
The lot had been plowed.
We parked and began kicking out way through huge snow piles near where we parked, hoping and praying for a miracle.
Jerimy found a beer can that I was pretty sure had been one of ours
we thought, we might be close.
I used my ice scraper to pick my section of drift apart...nothing.
It was cold
People leaving the bar looked at us like we were INSANE ASYLUM EXCAPEES
and defeatedly I looked at Jerimy and I said, we're never going to find it are we.
It's like a needle in a haystack!
I prayed "OH GOD, PLEASE LET US FIND IT"
Jerimy moved North, I moved south and dug out around a power pole, and with one kick of jerimy's Chuck Taylor, one last ditch kick,
out flew my black studded wallet.
It was like a hangover miracle!
We'd actually FOUND a needle in a haystack!
I was elated.
I was teary eyed
I grabbed Jerimy and hugged him saying over and over and over again
I love you I love you I love you
you're my absolute HERO!!!
So between the worst hangover of my adult life,
the drama of a lost wallet
the worst Superbowl I've ever seen
Feeling horrible for Payton Manning
Who looked at lot like me when I accepted that I probably was NOT going to find my wallet and that I'm a sucktastic idiot who was NEVER DRINKING AGAIN!!!!
I've decided that I won't be the least bit miffed by being designated driver for a very very very long time!
Tequila, I love you, but I'm sorry, I just can see you anymore
It's not you, it's me.
I just need some space right now
I mean, we've had some good times,
we've had some GREAT times
but I just don't see it working out between us.
And Jerimy, you're still and will always be my HERO!
On the wagon in Ohio,
~Heather Lynn Tequila Osting~