About Me

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Well let’s see. I was born during the Blizzard of 1978 in Lima, Ohio. I have lived in Ohio all my life. I like it here. We have corn fields instead of oceans, overpasses instead of mountains and fog instead of smog. Sure it's not the promise land, but sometimes one doesn't need postcard worthy beauty on the outside to have it elsewhere. I'm a writer for fun, a Paralegal for profession, and while one pays the bills, one feeds my imagination, or perhaps my imagination feeds my writing...either way, Writing is as much of who I am as the color of my eyes, or the way that I smile. Blogs are great communication tools, and I'm here to communicate with YOU...yeah, you who's reading this right now....*assuming anyone's out there* *crickets chirp* Alrightee then, IF anyone should find themselves here, be it by accident or on purpose, welcome, glad to have you aboard. Throw anchor, stay awhile! Sunshine & Smiles, ~Heather Lynn~

Tuesday, April 24, 2018

Irony and Old Books!

As a follow up to yesterday's post, I'll post this:


It's interesting that THIS was my daily read after yesterday's dilemma.

Not bad for a free book from the thrift store huh?

Sometimes the answers you seek are in the most obscure places!



I'd like to thank Ms. Gertrude Hall or her descendants for donating it to good will so that it would find it's way to me.



Happy Tuesday ya'll!

~Heather Lynn~

Monday, April 23, 2018

Kindness at a cost?



So ya'll know that one of my favorite places in the world (or at least in my neck of the world) is Schoonover park.  It's where Jerimy and I got married, it's where I go and walk/run around the lake there on nice days on my lunch hour....it's where I've gone when I'm sad, or just need to hear the birds chirp...its my own personal slice of heaven. 




Today, I went out as usual for my walk, the sun was shining, the birds were chirping, the water glistening....it was lovely.  I loved every minute of my walk around the lake and had decidedly wanted to go around a second time, however, I had to pee really bad, and I just thought I had better just do one time around today, and shoot for two next time.  So I jumped in my car, drove up the little drive to the park's restroom facility and upon arrival found a man standing in front of my car where I parked it, him being between myself and my car and the entrance to the ladies side of the restroom.  He was a middle aged man, Probably between 45 and 55 years of age.  African American, wearing several layers of clothes even though it's nearly 70 degrees outside.  Average height, average weight.  Nothing in particular about him seemed alarming.  Once out of the car, He put his hands in the air and said, "Stop, don't shoot!  I'll give you everything I have.  Don't hurt me" in a joking manner, I smiled at him and said, "You don't have to worry about me hurting you!" as I walked around him towards the restroom. 

"What's your name" he said as I walked nearer to him.  "Heather" I said politely as I briskly kept walking.  "Hello Heather!" he said in response.  "Don't you worry miss heather, I'm not going to let nobody get in there past me!  I've got your back!" he said as I rounded the corner and into the entrance.  "Not Nobody!  Not Donald Trump, not Bill Clinton, not even Barack Obama, Ain't nobody getting past me Heather!" I heard him say from outside.  I peed quickly, washed my hands and emerged unscathed by any past or present United States Presidents that might be roaming around Lima for no particular reason.

"Miss Heather, can I bother you for a ride to Lima Senior?"  Lima Senior High School being not too awful far from where we stood.  "I got a bad hip you see and I work at UNOH cleaning out the dorms and I'm all messed up from working so hard over there.  I checked my gut to see what it was telling me about this strange man asking me for a favor.  Normally I get a really good feeling about situations like these, and my gut's never the strong silent type, my gut is always giving me it's opinion on things solicited and unsolicited.

I was on the spot, I had to make a decision.  Do I give this stranger a ride, or do I make something up and leave him where I found him.  I yell at Jerimy all the time for picking up hitchhikers....he's done it many times since we've been together....and here I was faced with the same situation as I tell him to avoid.

I surprised myself when I found myself saying yes.  I was really torn though, because one side of me was like, "HEATHER!  ARE YOU INSANE!!??!!" there was another side of me that said "SHOW THIS MAN A KINDNESS!  YOU HAVE THE TIME.  SHOW HIM THAT THE COLOR OF HIS SKIN DOESN'T MAKE YOU AFRAID OF HIM!  DO SOMETHING GOOD FOR SOMEONE IN NEED"  It was that voice in my head that had me saying ok.




I cleaned off the seat for him and he climbed in.  And we were off.  I could smell alcohol on his breath and my gut said, "YOU IDIOT!  YOU'RE GOING TO GET YOURSELF KILLED BEING KIND!".....but I reassured myself that it was broad daylight on a Monday, he PROBABLY wouldn't kill me.  But I've watched so many crime shows, I always stay aware of my surroundings, I carry my key like a weapon when I walk/run alone, I don't wear earbuds so I'm not distracted and unaware of someone coming up on me....yet here I was giving a strange man a ride, and nobody knew where I was, who I was with, or that I had just put myself into a compromising situation on a random Monday in April.

"Are you single, divorced, Married?" he asked.  "Married" I replied.  "turn here" he said.  I turned.  "So you wanting to leave him?  He ever tell you you can't have no money or he tell you not to be cashing his checks?"  I replied with "No, me and my husband have separate accounts.  He doesn't tell me how to spend my money and I don't tell him how to spend his" and he threw his hands up, clapped and smiled big and said "Oh Miss Heather, I need to find me a woman like you!"

"Turn here" he said as we then headed east towards the school.

"Turn here?" I asked as we approached the first driveway for the school."

"Nope, keep going"  he said  "You've got to let me take you to dinner!"

"Noooooo, my husband wouldn't appreciate that" I replied.

"This Drive?"  I asked as we approached the second drive.

"Nope, keep going!" he instructed.

"This is where he drives you off somewhere to kill you" my gut said in a near shouting voice now!

And it was then that I got nervous.  We were now passed the school and heading into a residential area.  Ok, turn here he said as we were then heading south.

I'm looking down this street, pretty sure it was a dead end street.  My palms were sweating, my heart was really pounding....."what was I thinking letting a strange man into my car!?!?!"

"Heather, you wouldn't happen to have five dollars would you?"  He asked with a smile.

"I don't have five dollars" I quickly said in return.

"Turn here!" he said, and magically we were on a side street that headed right into the heart of the school's campus.  "See that yellow house there, just go ahead and pull up front there and I'm going to get out" he said.

I did as he instructed, and he tried really hard to get me to give him my phone number....to which I reminded him I was very happily married.  He then grabbed my hand, pulled it upward and caressed it, kissed it and said "There's just something special about you Heather, I suspect you are as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside!" and with that, he exited my car and I tried really hard not to squeal my tires as I drove off a little too quickly for someone who wasn't afraid of picking up random strangers outside of women's restrooms in nearly abandoned parks.

My spidey senses were in FULL alarm mode by this time and my hands felt shaky on the steering wheel and I had that rush of adrenaline you feel like when you just narrowly avoid a head on car collision with a Semi at 70 miles an hour.  "Why had I just did that?  TO what... prove I wasn't a racist?  Prove that it's ok to pick up hitchhikers? 

All I kept coming back to though was that I had really really wanted to do something kind for a stranger, and somehow be the change I wanted to see in the world.  I wanted so badly to be good in a bad world, that I nearly put myself into a situation were the outcome could have been a whole lot different just to prove a point to myself?  Just to tempt fate?!  I don't know.....I'm still kind of at a loss as to whether what I did was kind or just plain reckless!

In the moment I felt that I was supposed to be the type of person to be generous of spirit and GIVE to my fellow man, but after I did it, I couldn't help but feel like while it was a kind gesture, that really was not well thought out....and there's other ways to show kindness to my fellow man.  Yet, I'm still torn, is it in these situations that we are to make these small differences...not on a grand scale, but on a one on one basis on the people we meet in the streets and alleys?  Does God want us to show kindness in the face of danger and trust that he's got your back?!  .....OR....did I open myself up to my own possible demise?  Will being kind get me killed someday?

My book 'Dead in a Ditch' was titled so because my real life father used to tell me all the time, that they would find me dead in a ditch someday because I was too trusting, too stupid and didn't have a healthy fear of people.  He told me so many times that one day, being trusting would get me killed!

I don't want to live in a world where I have to be afraid of my fellow man.  I don't want to live in a world where being kind is the most dangerous thing a person can do.

So you guys tell me, was it kind?  was it stupid?  or was it both? Would you have done it?

And just so it's out there....let me just say, that there are two things that I do that are dangerous....I ride a motorcycle without a helmet, and apparently I show kindness to strangers and open myself up to possibly being murdered in the process.  But I want anyone reading this to know.....If I die riding my motorcycle, please know that I knew the dangers, don't feel like a terrible injustice has been done should I die while doing it.  I knew the risks, I took them!  I know that every time I get on my bike, it could be my last time.  But I am not going to stop riding.  And if I get killed in some freak "showing kindness" situation, if they do IN FACT find me dead in a ditch someday, know that I knew there was risk in whatever I did to get myself there.  AND KNOW that I did it out of love of life, and LOVE of my fellow man that I risked my own safety to put some kindness into the world.  If I die being kind to someone, I guess there are worse ways to go.

Luv,
~Heather Lynn~


Tuesday, February 20, 2018

40 year Old Wishes and Husbands that Amaze

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When my husband asked me "So what does a 40 year old woman want for her birthday"....I realized that I was about to turn 40 years old, and also that my husband was rubbing it in by choosing to ask me in such a fashion.

So I told him the first thing that came to mind:

I want to go out for all you can eat crab legs, and then wake up on a beach and watch the sunrise!
He said:

No Really?
I said:

No!  Really!

And to my absolute astonishment, two weeks later my husband blew me away when he told me that he couldn't take me to our favorite crab leg eating establishment on my birthday, because we'd be on the beach on my birthday!

 See the source image

I was in shock at first, and then, THEN I was beaming!!

See the source image

I cannot begin to tell you how absolutely wonderful it was to go away with my luv, and enjoy some down time.  Aside from a trip to Wisconsin (visiting family), Chicago (Field's Museum Tour) and Indianapolis (for some 4-wheel jamboree thing) we've never really been on vacation together before.  Certainly never in a swanky resort on a beach!!

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We'd never drove all night to see a sunset.  Certainly never had a birthday wish granted, and then received a cake, and got to blow out my birthday candles on an actual beach while watching a beautiful sunrise!

Image may contain: one or more people, ocean, sky, twilight, beach, outdoor, nature and water

What a life affirming trip.

I can't thank my husband enough for such a special trip....making my 40th birthday THE BEST birthday Yet!

This is the hubs, and I really really love him!

Image may contain: 1 person, standing, ocean, outdoor, water and nature

<3 <3 <3

~HeatherLynn~

Friday, August 25, 2017

I've been having a bad week:



So I've been having a really bad week....and I've been pretty down in the dumps, so bad in fact that the majority of country songs make me "ugly" cry....(This morning it was "Fancy" by Reba McIntyre"  What can I say, I'm just outta sorts.




I like to watch a lil TV before I go to bed when I want to get my mind off things that are bothering me, and this week, I turned on the TV and it was the discovery channel and it was all about the "Great Barrier Reef".  I find watching fishies and the lovely blues of the water to be soothing, so I laid the remote down and began my nightly bedtime ritual.  Brushed my teeth, took off my make up, took my liver vitamins and such, slid into my jammies, I climbed into bed and at that moment, on my TV, it was showing a sea cucumber going about it's business on the sea bottom.

They are strange creatures.  So Sea Cucumbers go along the sea bottom and basically serve as a sand filter.  They suck up the sand and whatever it contains and they take out anything that is edible out of the sand, and then poops out the rest.  

I thought about that and was like.....I feel like that somedays, like I'm just crawling along, sucking up whatever's there (drama, death in the family, chores, etc., "just suck it up" I tell myself....so I, like the sea cucumber, suck the up the dirty sand, hoping to find something good in it.



....but then it gets worse.  Then comes the pearl fish.  The pearl fish likes to use sea cucumbers.  They are just like whatever's bothering you.  The Pearl Fish swims up and into the Sea Cucumber's ANUS, and hides out there to avoid predators!  let me repeat that, this FISH, SWIMS UP A SEA CUCUMBER'S ASSHOLE and makes it his home.  Leaves me wondering, what on earth did the sea cucumber ever do to deserve to be anally taken advantage of like that?




So, there I was, sitting in bed, my boy George" curled up along my side snoring, in shock and horror as this pearl fish pokes it's head outta the sea cucumbers bum....and think...."Things could be worse Heather.  You could have a fish swim up your butthole and LIVE there!"

GROSS!!!!!

So folks, the moral of the story is:  Don't let your troubles take up residency inside of you....you aren't a sea cucumber!  Your ass is NO SAFE HAVEN for your troubles.  Let that "shit" go!  The sooner the better!!

Luvin the Discovery Channel for it's brutal wisdom brought directly from the Animal Kingdom,

~HeatherLynn~

PS - Kind of gives new meaning to the ole expression of "Oh Blow it out your butt!" doesn't it?

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Thou Shalt Not Litter...& Uncle Dan


I have an ex boyfriend.....we shall call him CC.  Now CC was 10 years older than myself at the time we were dating.  So you know, at 28, he was considered an adult.


One night after he came to see me at my mom and dad's place (where I was living at the time), apparently he stopped on the side of the road to "take a piss", and while he was doing that, he saw some boxes and some misc. garbage in the bed of his truck and like the litter bug he was, he tossed them out on the roadside where he stood and peed.


When he called me later that evening, he was really wound up, and he told me the tale of how he had stopped to piss, and then he was chased by this crazy man who chased him at high speeds all the way to Kalida!  He said this insane man gave chase, and was relentless in his pursuit.  CC was like....Heather this man wasn't going to give up, so finally, I stopped my truck and jumped out into the roadway, threw my hands in the air and said "WHAT!?!??!"  The man then proceeded to give him a lecture about "mother earth" and how littering is lazy, and something worthless people do.  THEN he proceeded to escort CC back to the scene of his littering crime and made him pick his trash back up, put it back in his truck and then and only then did he allow him to go on his way.





I listened to the story intently.  At "mother earth" I thought I heard something a little "Osting" about it.  But I didn't say anything.


He went on to tell me he thought the guy was going to kill him, etc.  I said, what was he driving?


He said:  "This great big ole brown bronco, the kind that the window rolled down in the back"...





I giggled, and then laughed and he was like "WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING ABOUT!??!  I COULD HAVE BEEN KILLED!!"


I stopped laughing and said, "Congrats, you've officially met, and PISSED OFF my Uncle Dan!  Christmas should be fun if you come!"


He was like "WHAT?!?!  HEATHER THAT GUY IS CRAZY!!"


{although, Barb's looking a little crazier in this picture!}


And I said, "yeah, well, you're lucky he just made you go back and pick it up!"


Uncle Dan lived by his own set of standards.  He was absolute in his conservation of land, water and air (ok so maybe not air, as he smoked like a chimney).  He loved things NATURAL...the way they are supposed to be.  He loved the outdoors.  


He and my Uncle Ben are the ones who taught me how to goose hunt!  So many hours spent in a duck blind with those two in the wee morning hours were some of my favorite times with them.  They had a way of investing in you.  If you are even taken in under the wing of an Osting....you feel like you're pretty special!  I'm not sure why, or what it is, but it's almost like you can see their pride FOR you in their eyes.  They will also rib you endlessly if you screw something up....and pretty much reserve the right to embarrass you with said stories until you die....or in this case, until they die.


If you've never watched Second Hand Lions, do so!  And you tell me if Robert Duvall's character doesn't just just remind you of Dan right outta the gate!




Dan liked things simple.  He could have bought a new truck, but he liked driving his old one, no matter the shape it was in.  He sports a pair of shorts he wore before I was born, and he see's no reason why he wouldn't.  That's just who he was, he didn't have to have the newest of everything, and he enjoyed quality over quantity...anything worth doing, is worth doing right.  Osting's believe that, as I've heard it from all of them my whole life.


When you were with Dan, he always wanted to make sure YOU had what you needed.  Be it a drink, something to eat, a comfy chair.....he was always concerned with his guests over himself.





He was pretty rough on Aaron.....and I hated that, because I saw so much of Uncle Dan IN Aaron, it seemed ludicrous to me why he was so hard on him when he was doing everything pretty much the way Dan taught him to.  And though he didn't say it like he should have, I KNOW, the only reason he was hard on Aaron like he was; was because he wanted Aaron to not be LIKE him, he wanted Aaron to be BETTER than him.  Dan wouldn't have found that statement to be mean or insulting because he knew who he was, he was a man with talents and lived by a set of standards he could be and was proud of I'm sure....but he was the type of man who wanted this children to be successful and have everything they needed to be happy.  He would have walked over hot coals for his grandson Cody....as he was so paramount in Cody's upbringing.  He would light up when Cody and his grandson Ethan were staying the weekend.  Relationships with people were so important to him, but he didn't DEMAND your company to prove your affection like some people do, he just simply ENJOYED any company that came for a visit.

He was as stubborn as a mule sometimes....ok, most of the time....
I think he considered it part of his "charm"...




In helping Aaron with some funeral arrangements, and the unimaginable task and things one has to do in order to plan and arrange a funeral, we've spoke collectively as a family about our "dysfunctional family"....and Uncle Ben said the other day, you know, for a dysfunctional family, we're actually pretty alright!  We still...regardless of time and space, things said, feelings hurt, we at the end of the day, we show up, Osting's SHOW up for each other.  Always have, and we always will.
It will be complete and udder chaos, naturally....but we show up.


At the end of the day, I couldn't be happier to be an Osting, to be a part of this big crazy family of characters and trouble makers, story tellers and hard working honest folk.

If Dan were here to read this, he'd tell me to shut the hell up and I better NOT EVEN be putting this on Facebook.  For a man who didn't know what the hell Facebook even was, he sure hated it!!!



Truly,

Heather Lynn "OSTING" Siefker

Daniel Osting Obit


Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Too Short.....LIFE IS.....Too short!



Many of you know....some of you might not know yet, but my Uncle Dan was killed in a tragic house fire Thursday night/Friday morning.  And I could tell you the tragic story, I could tell you how horrific it was as we stood there, watching them carry his body out of the home after the flames were put out.  The tears that were cried, the grief we've felt....but right now I don't want to do that.  I want to tell you a story about my uncle that is one of my favorites!

Growing up on an exotic animal farm we had a couple hay fields that we would use to feed our menagerie of animals.....so as a kid, summers were often spent bailing hay, raking hay, putting hay into the hay mound...you get the picture.


Well, one of our hay fields was right next to my Uncle Dan's house.  My dad wanted me to go and rake the hay, so I rode my bike down there, parked it at my Uncle's and then got on the tractor that my dad had parked down there and I went about my business raking the hay.


While on a tractor, before ipods, and when you were too poor to own a "walkman"....you would find ways to entertain yourself.  One of the main ways of doing that was singing.  I like to sing.  And my older sister Angie (who we all know was a really bad influence on me) had recently introduced me to "Too Short", more specifically his 1989 hit, "Don't fight the feeling"....which is pretty much THE most vulgar, downright crude rap song I ever liked.  I'm not going to lie, I still kinda like this song.  The girl parts in this song are so entertaining....anyway, back to the story, so there I was singing my lungs out, driving the tractor, raking the hay, and I was completely in my own little world.  When I'd thoroughly finished raking, i parked the tractor, hopped down and headed for my bicycle.


Uncle Dan emerged from his garage where he'd been working on something, and called over to me, "Hey you, come here for a second"....and of course, I minded my elders and I walked over to him to see what he wanted.  Dan was very gruff, and when Dan said "Hey come here a second"....you would be about as scared as you would be curious about what you had done to warrant a talking to.


He looks me up and down with this look on his face I couldn't quite pin point and he says "What's a guy gotta do to get a channel change", confused I said "What?"  and he says, Well i was listening to you sing out there and I was wondering how I go about getting a channel change.  Didn't much care for that last one you sang."


I immediately was MORTIFIED as I recalled what song I was singing last.  TOO SHORT....Me, Jr. high schooler, white girl with NO rapping skills, a ginger to boot....and my Uncle heard every word?!?!??!  EVERY VULGAR CURSE/Word!


"You heard me?"


"Yes"


my cheeks blazed red, my heart was beating fast, my mouth dry....I couldn't find the words to try and explain my song choice.....or my filthy curse filled mouth.  Was he going to tell on me, rat me out to my dad, was an ass beating in my near future???  So many questions ran through my mind!


He just smiled and said, "Maybe something country next time....easy listening?....not a big fan of...what do you call that crap?  ....Rap??"  He turned around without saying another word and walked away to his garage.  I jumped on my banana seat huffy bike and tore outta there as fast as my legs could pedal.


Uncle Dan was a man of few words MOST of the time, and then every once in a great while, you'd catch him in a chatty mood and he'd talk your ear off! lol


Not too long ago, I came out to visit him, and he was watching some Clint Eastwood marathon on tv.  Not sure which movie it was, but I told him I'd never seen it, and then he began asking me things like "You've never seen this movie?  What were you, living under a rock your whole life, HOW have you never seen this?  I was like, "This movie came out before I was even born, how the hell should I know?!"  He liked to pick!  He liked to get a rise out of people he liked.  I'd like to think he liked me.  He was gruff, and rough around the edges, but he was soft and sweet when nobody was looking.


My Uncle Dan had THE SAME green terry cloth shorts he wore in the 70's...and sometimes you'd catch him in them (present day)....and you'd wonder how a garment could have that kind of lifespan.


After his 4-wheeler accident, he sat in his chair and watched CNN like it was his job, he was always "in the know" and would always ask:  "Did you see......[insert whatever the big news story was at the time]?  He was genuinely concerned for others, for our country, and about the world his grandkids would grow up in.


He was a private man, he never felt the need to fill silence with a bunch of chatter, and he once described croutons as a SENSELESS food.  He got offended by croutons, yet could listen to a pre-teen sing TOO SHORT at the top of her lungs and find it amusing!  He was really something.  I wish he were still with us.  I cry every time I think about him not being there, the hard times he's not going to give me anymore....


In closing, I'm going to leave you with the lyrics to "TOO SHORT" so you can truly appreciate what it must have been like for him to hear his 12 year old niece who normally would seem pretty sweet and mildly still innocent...spewing profanities and vulgarity!


This one's for you Uncle Snuggles!

I love you, I miss you and I'll never forget you!



1952 - 2017




{do not read below this line if you are easily offended by profanity and vulgarity! lol}
-------------------------------------------------------------------


Don't Fight The Feeling:

[Intro: Too Short]
Say ho
Yeah you
Can I ask you a question?
You like to fuck?
Oh, you don’t want me to talk to you like that?
Would you like to make love?

[Verse 1: Too $hort]
I saw you walking down the street, and I had to stop
Turn up the radio and drop the top
I see you look so good, and you’re so fine
Young tender, would you be mine
I get you in my car, drive you to my house
Cuz I’m a mack, I cold turn you out
I won't ask, and I sure won’t beg
Reach right over and rub your leg
I let my hand slide between your miniskirt
Slip a finger in your panties, straight go to work
What time is it? Don’t watch the clock
Lay back baby doll and I’ll rock the cock
Funky Fresh I am, and I always can, Freak Nasty
I’m the man
I take you out to the finest restaurant
Buy you any damn thing that you want
You want flowers? I’ll buy your ass a rose
But later on you’re coming off with them pantyhose
You want gold, girl what’s next
Its me and you, doing the sex
So now you know I’m just a freak
Give it up baby, I can’t wait two weeks
I want it all, Don’t say I won't
Get it girl, now I’m telling you don’t

[Verse 2: Entice and Barbie of The Danger Zone]
Nigga please, you provoke no feeling
You must of forgot, the girls of whom you're dealing
We haven't the urge, to get busy
Like those dizy lizys, who used to dance for you, your through
I can't put it more blunt, your vocab is restricted
You're addicted, to the words you inflicted
Time after time, line after line
Talking bout the bitches that are on your mind
Do they call you $hort because of your height or your width?
Diss me boy, I'll hang your balls from a cliff
Wrapped around a slinky, your a dinky
It's an easy task, to the corner cause the curb didn't want your ass
Your name is yuck mouth, you don't brush
Gotta cover your mouth like this
They call you yuck mouth
You refuse to brush, no sweetheart you can keep that kiss
Your a freak with no tale
You have no ass, class,you can't pass, your simply trash
Your a typical nigga, the kind you don't take home
This is Entyce and Barbie from the Danger Zone
Like a short dogg that carries fleas
You make my ass itch, twitch, don't you wish you could scratch it
And grab it like you want it
The name fits cause your all up on it...

[Verse 3: Too $hort]
Get mad if you want, I won't front
When it's time to hump, won't be no punk
Roll your ass over and tap the butt
Too $hort baby all in them guts
I'm not your ABC, from the alphabet
Every letter I'll write'll get your pussy wet
It's just a freaky note, from me to you
At the bottom I signed it Playboy II
I'm a player, bitch, I thought you knew
Like every other nigga in my crew
I bump hoes, now it's your turn
Tell me young tender when will you learn
I cold mack like pimps you know
Won't sell you dope or sell you blow
Just your average everyday straight bump up bitch
My gold rings come from spitz
Look baby, You know what I want
Your acting like it's that time of the month
Are you bleeding, can't think about sex
Irritated by your Kotex
We don't need to kiss, we don't have to fuck
I'll pull out my dick bitch, you can suck
Now here, don't say I won't
Get it girl, now I'm telling you don't...

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

When you don't know what else to do:

Image result for ohio heroin epidemic

Been doing a lot of thinking lately about this whole debate on Narcan and the heroin epidemic that is currently plaguing Ohio and other parts of the country.  I've read the headlines about all the overdoses, dead bodies filling up our morgues, parents overdosing with young children in the car with them, I mean, it's like complete chaos all around us these days it seems.

Image result for narcan

I've heard people say, "Stop giving them Narcan, let them die and do the world a favor"....I've heard it said "They must WANT to die, why else are they doing it?"  Some people say addiction is a disease, others say it's nothing more than repetitive poor life choices....and the thing is, I don't know WHAT to believe.

Image result for Delphos Home Invasion stabbing

Compound this kind of confusion with fear....the kind of fear that comes when two people in your small community are stabbed in their own home during a home invasion, and next thing you know you're shopping for home security systems, sleeping with a loaded gun next to your bed and you're somewhere between joining those who say let the junkies die, and those who say lock em all up and throw away the key.

Americans, from the inception of this country have the reputation to be a little rough and tumble so to speak.  We are known to be gun toting, government overthrowing, civil war inciting, pursuit of happiness kind of people.  At least that's how I understand it from the history I know of our country.  So I can see where people are coming from when they say things like, "let em die"....because it's really hard to have sympathy for someone who knows, that doing heroin in today's day and age is basically like playing Russian roulette with your life.  I mean, why do it?  And the answer is, only someone addicted to heroin can tell you the real answer to that....

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Have I been mad about the epidemic that is plaguing us?  Yeah.  Have I been frustrated?  Yeah.  It's easy to become hardened and say things like...NO MORE NARCAN, let em go down.  Especially when you read news articles about ONE addict alone overdosing 20+ times and receiving Narcan so they can go on to overdose another day.  It's frustrating to see so many people IMPLODE the way they are, with seemingly no respect for human life.....NO RESPECT FOR THEIR OWN LIVES!  THINK ABOUT THAT, they have NO RESPECT FOR THEIR OWN LIFE.

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But anytime I have had that hardened approach cross my mind/lips/heart, I stop in my tracks and immediately feel bad, I think about God and I think about how we aren't supposed to Judge others.  And I think about "What would Jesus Do" and I think to myself, would he ever say, "be still my child, and die because I don't think you should have narcan?"  I don't think he would.  Clearly people addicted and willing to die the way they are...they are hurt, broken, lost souls, wounded, hopeless, sad souls.  Souls looking for escape....from whatever it is that has them feeling so lost and wounded.  Is that an excuse, I don't think so.  I think it's just what it is.

Don't get me wrong, I HATE what this heroin/drug epidemic is doing to so many of my fellow Ohioans.  I hate that it's brought violent crime into our little community, and I pray that they find the person responsible for stabbing those two Delphos citizens who did NOT deserve to be victims of someone else's poor choices and/or drug addled behavior, but I personally cannot go out into the streets and start taking the drugs out of the hands of addicts.  I don't know any heroin dealers to go put out of business.  And that helplessness in times like these may be the most frustrating of all.  Watching the little town that you grew up in, turn into something you sometimes don't recognize as "home" because of what is happening here.

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So I went in search of what God says about addiction in the bible.  And for those of you who are non-believers, or you're Jewish or Buddhist, or whatever your preference is in the way of religion, I do not pretend to be the authority on religion, that my way is the only way, or that my God is not your God, but here's what I found.  I found this prayer, and I think I'll start praying it.


Most loving God,

we ask your blessing upon all
who suffer from addiction.
Strengthen them to reach out for help.
Enable them to take the first step to recovery.
Bless them with the persistence to persevere
in the fight to be free.
Give courage and hope to their families,
drawing them close together
in the power of your love,
which alone can transform our living.
Amen.


Until there's something "I" can physically do to make the world a better place, to make Delphos safer, to make bad things NOT happen to good people, take the knife out of the hand of a home invader, or the needle out of a heroin addict's arm, I will say this prayer, and have faith that it's being heard.

If you feel like saying it too, please do.
No harm ever has come from praying for help.

Having Faith,
~HeatherLynn~

Thursday, May 11, 2017

Thirteen Reason’s Why



I, like so many others, have binge watched “Thirteen Reasons Why” on Netflix.  I too have read the “controversy” articles on the internet about how it sets a bad example for our youth, some even say “romanticizing” suicide.  Didn't Romeo and Juliette already do that?

I thinking about the people on “the tapes” and who did what to whom, I think it paints a painstakingly portrayal of the life of a high school teen.  It sheds light on the various TYPES of bullying and/or struggles, from romantic advances, to petty jealousy, immature behavior, and other issues that teenagers will face in their high school careers.  If it’s not happening to them, trust me, they SEE it happening to others.  Maybe not the character Bryce’s rapey behavior as that usually occurs behind closed doors and NOT in a high school hallway, BUT, nonetheless, kids can be ruthless.



I could write here about bullying, I could write here about the fact that the character who played Tony looked like he was about 35 and from the 50's era and not at all like a high schooler, or about how every single kid in that school was tatted up like no high school I’ve ever seen, but I won’t.  What I will write today about is the ONE major thing that kept running through my head over and over while watching the show, and that’s that #1) I would have tore through those tapes from start to finish without pause.  I would have faked being sick the next day if listening all night wouldn’t have gotten it done.



Here’s the one thing I think that you don’t know when you’re young, and that’s that “THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE”.  I didn’t know it when I was a teenager.  I can think back on my younger years and all the elaborate lies I told to get out of getting into trouble.  The GREAT lengths I went to, to NOT be found out.  The secrets I had, the lies I told, the deception that happens between parent and child during our adolescent years….but what you don’t know is, is the wonderful feeling of the truth!  Now I’m not saying that as a young person you won’t lie to your parents.  I’m sure it’s going to happen.  But I will tell you this, when the shit REALLY hits the fan, when your world hangs in the balance of something big like what this show portrays, you have to TRUST your parents enough to know that the very best thing you can do, is go to them.  LET them help you.  I know I know, kids are so smart today, they can run ipads at a year old….they know how to do things on smart phones that adults have to google to find out how to do.  But one thing that you can ONLY get in time and through life’s experience, is maturity and wisdom.  Something most parents are chalk full of.

And let me tell you this, owning up to your mistakes, while sometimes mortifying, sometimes embarrassing, the feeling that owning up to them will give you, is unlike anything a lie will ever get you.  When you take responsibility for yourself, your actions, you grow.  You mature.  You LEARN that life has consequences that ARE NOT the end of the world.  They can be addressed, tackled head on and maybe even solved if you’re BRAVE enough to do the right thing in life’s difficult situations.



The thing that made me so sad, is that Hannah had parents that loved her, they could have helped her if they had known.  She never told them she was hurting, and as much as parents CAN be mind-readers, sadly, they aren’t always LOOKING for something to be wrong with their child.  There’s a reason that God made parents.  There’s a reason that children don’t fly the coop until they are older.  It’s because parents are there to protect, to teach, to love that child until they are fully equipped to go out into the world on their own.  Hannah Baker HAD good parents, parents that would have done whatever needed done to help her, but instead she took her own life, and reached out from her grave to hurt those who had hurt her.  After all they say that Revenge is a dish best served cold.  Clay had good parents too.  As we watch them struggle to understand WHAT the heck was going on with their child, we see how deeper and deeper into despair Clay descends.  In the end Clay begins to seek retribution for Hannah.  He wants justice done, after all, he loved Hannah.  But imagine if he hadn’t had to go through it alone.  Imagine him handing those tapes over to his mom and be like, Mom, what do I do?  Imagine if he had had his mom listen to those tapes and asked that question that he had asked Tony:  “Did I kill Hannah Baker”….Tony said yes, but his parents would have said no.  Handing those tapes over would have taken the burden off his shoulders, it would have alleviated the guilt, and the pressure of feeling like he HAD to do something.



Nearly EVERY single pitfall in Thirteen Reasons Why could have been completely different had there been better communication.  And that’s what I’m wanting so very much for people to understand like I do now.  Doing the right thing, can never be wrong.  You can have complete faith in “doing the right thing” because doing the right thing, is always the BEST thing to do.  It’s better to get into trouble for knocking down a stop sign, than to not report it and have someone’s death on your conscious for the rest of your life.  It’s better to lose your best friend because you stopped him from raping your girlfriend than to live with the guilt of knowing you ALLOWED it to happen…after all, who wants a rapist for a best friend?  Courtney had two gay dads, tell me she couldn’t have came out of the closet to them instead of destroying another human being like she did?  Tony from the get go, should have gave those tapes to Hannah’s parents.  They deserved to know their daughter, know why she did what she did, they deserved to have been told what was going on while she was still alive.  Sadly many of life’s challenged our young people are faced with DO NOT have SECOND CHANCES.  There are some bad decisions that you can never get back.

For all the 13 reasons why, there COULD have been a complete and distinct different outcome, had things been done even slightly differently.  If people would have communicated instead of insinuated.  If people would have been KIND in the face of being scared.  If younger people just KNEW the FREEDOM that comes from being honest.  To being accountable.  To being BRAVE in the face of situations that we sometimes find ourselves in.  Isn't it Ironic that we have more ways to communicate than ever before in history, yet we are really probably no better communicators than before?  We can speak in emoji's, but we can't talk to our parents when we're in trouble.  We can text, email, hire a plane to fly a banner behind it, yet we feel we can't say what we sometimes really need to say.



Kids need to know that they aren’t alone.  That whatever the case may be in ANY situation, that the punishment from your parents is better than the repercussions of whatever lie you might use to save your own ass.  I DO NOT discount the intelligence of today’s youth.  My beloved step son was talking to me last night about College Math and I was like, “dude it’s like you’re speaking in a different language.  I had NO IDEA what he was talking about.  He laughed and in that moment, he knew he was smarter at Math than me.  But he too knows that I’m no dummy.  He knows that I love him, and he knows that we know he’s not perfect.  He’s made mistakes.  He’s made some very bad decisions in his young life, we found out, he was punished, he faced consequences I wish he had never had to face, but he’s a better person for it, I can tell you that.  I am so proud of the person he’s becoming.  I see such potential in him and I’m not going to lie, I get all misty eyed when I think about how far he’s come and all the struggles he’s overcome!  It has been such a great pleasure to be his step-momma…I cannot even begin to tell you in words JUST how wonderful of a gift it has been.

So when I think about Hannah, ending her life, before it ever had a real chance to even begin….I think about that dark haired boy who I’ve loved and watched grow into such an amazing young man and I cannot imagine a world where he didn’t exist anymore.


Life is short.  Death is forever.  Whatever pain that comes with today, can always be replaced with an unexpected joy tomorrow. You just have to be brave enough to stick around for it.



~HeatherLynn~