Too Short.....LIFE IS.....Too short!

Many of you know....some of you might not know yet, but my Uncle Dan was killed in a tragic house fire Thursday night/Friday morning.  And I could tell you the tragic story, I could tell you how horrific it was as we stood there, watching them carry his body out of the home after the flames were put out.  The tears that were cried, the grief we've felt....but right now I don't want to do that.  I want to tell you a story about my uncle that is one of my favorites!

Growing up on an exotic animal farm we had a couple hay fields that we would use to feed our menagerie of animals.....so as a kid, summers were often spent bailing hay, raking hay, putting hay into the hay mound...you get the picture.

Well, one of our hay fields was right next to my Uncle Dan's house.  My dad wanted me to go and rake the hay, so I rode my bike down there, parked it at my Uncle's and then got on the tractor that my dad had parked down there and I went about my business raking the hay.

While on a tractor, before ipods, and when you were too poor to own a "walkman"....you would find ways to entertain yourself.  One of the main ways of doing that was singing.  I like to sing.  And my older sister Angie (who we all know was a really bad influence on me) had recently introduced me to "Too Short", more specifically his 1989 hit, "Don't fight the feeling"....which is pretty much THE most vulgar, downright crude rap song I ever liked.  I'm not going to lie, I still kinda like this song.  The girl parts in this song are so entertaining....anyway, back to the story, so there I was singing my lungs out, driving the tractor, raking the hay, and I was completely in my own little world.  When I'd thoroughly finished raking, i parked the tractor, hopped down and headed for my bicycle.

Uncle Dan emerged from his garage where he'd been working on something, and called over to me, "Hey you, come here for a second"....and of course, I minded my elders and I walked over to him to see what he wanted.  Dan was very gruff, and when Dan said "Hey come here a second"....you would be about as scared as you would be curious about what you had done to warrant a talking to.

He looks me up and down with this look on his face I couldn't quite pin point and he says "What's a guy gotta do to get a channel change", confused I said "What?"  and he says, Well i was listening to you sing out there and I was wondering how I go about getting a channel change.  Didn't much care for that last one you sang."

I immediately was MORTIFIED as I recalled what song I was singing last.  TOO SHORT....Me, Jr. high schooler, white girl with NO rapping skills, a ginger to boot....and my Uncle heard every word?!?!??!  EVERY VULGAR CURSE/Word!

"You heard me?"

"Yes"

my cheeks blazed red, my heart was beating fast, my mouth dry....I couldn't find the words to try and explain my song choice.....or my filthy curse filled mouth.  Was he going to tell on me, rat me out to my dad, was an ass beating in my near future???  So many questions ran through my mind!

He just smiled and said, "Maybe something country next time....easy listening?....not a big fan of...what do you call that crap?  ....Rap??"  He turned around without saying another word and walked away to his garage.  I jumped on my banana seat huffy bike and tore outta there as fast as my legs could pedal.

Uncle Dan was a man of few words MOST of the time, and then every once in a great while, you'd catch him in a chatty mood and he'd talk your ear off! lol

Not too long ago, I came out to visit him, and he was watching some Clint Eastwood marathon on tv.  Not sure which movie it was, but I told him I'd never seen it, and then he began asking me things like "You've never seen this movie?  What were you, living under a rock your whole life, HOW have you never seen this?  I was like, "This movie came out before I was even born, how the hell should I know?!"  He liked to pick!  He liked to get a rise out of people he liked.  I'd like to think he liked me.  He was gruff, and rough around the edges, but he was soft and sweet when nobody was looking.

My Uncle Dan had THE SAME green terry cloth shorts he wore in the 70's...and sometimes you'd catch him in them (present day)....and you'd wonder how a garment could have that kind of lifespan.

After his 4-wheeler accident, he sat in his chair and watched CNN like it was his job, he was always "in the know" and would always ask:  "Did you see......[insert whatever the big news story was at the time]?  He was genuinely concerned for others, for our country, and about the world his grandkids would grow up in.

He was a private man, he never felt the need to fill silence with a bunch of chatter, and he once described croutons as a SENSELESS food.  He got offended by croutons, yet could listen to a pre-teen sing TOO SHORT at the top of her lungs and find it amusing!  He was really something.  I wish he were still with us.  I cry every time I think about him not being there, the hard times he's not going to give me anymore....

In closing, I'm going to leave you with the lyrics to "TOO SHORT" so you can truly appreciate what it must have been like for him to hear his 12 year old niece who normally would seem pretty sweet and mildly still innocent...spewing profanities and vulgarity!

This one's for you Uncle Snuggles!
I love you, I miss you and I'll never forget you!

1952 - 2017

{do not read below this line if you are easily offended by profanity and vulgarity! lol}
-------------------------------------------------------------------


Don't Fight The Feeling:

[Intro: Too Short]
Say ho
Yeah you
Can I ask you a question?
You like to fuck?
Oh, you don’t want me to talk to you like that?
Would you like to make love?

[Verse 1: Too $hort]
I saw you walking down the street, and I had to stop
Turn up the radio and drop the top
I see you look so good, and you’re so fine
Young tender, would you be mine
I get you in my car, drive you to my house
Cuz I’m a mack, I cold turn you out
I won't ask, and I sure won’t beg
Reach right over and rub your leg
I let my hand slide between your miniskirt
Slip a finger in your panties, straight go to work
What time is it? Don’t watch the clock
Lay back baby doll and I’ll rock the cock
Funky Fresh I am, and I always can, Freak Nasty
I’m the man
I take you out to the finest restaurant
Buy you any damn thing that you want
You want flowers? I’ll buy your ass a rose
But later on you’re coming off with them pantyhose
You want gold, girl what’s next
Its me and you, doing the sex
So now you know I’m just a freak
Give it up baby, I can’t wait two weeks
I want it all, Don’t say I won't
Get it girl, now I’m telling you don’t

[Verse 2: Entice and Barbie of The Danger Zone]
Nigga please, you provoke no feeling
You must of forgot, the girls of whom you're dealing
We haven't the urge, to get busy
Like those dizy lizys, who used to dance for you, your through
I can't put it more blunt, your vocab is restricted
You're addicted, to the words you inflicted
Time after time, line after line
Talking bout the bitches that are on your mind
Do they call you $hort because of your height or your width?
Diss me boy, I'll hang your balls from a cliff
Wrapped around a slinky, your a dinky
It's an easy task, to the corner cause the curb didn't want your ass
Your name is yuck mouth, you don't brush
Gotta cover your mouth like this
They call you yuck mouth
You refuse to brush, no sweetheart you can keep that kiss
Your a freak with no tale
You have no ass, class,you can't pass, your simply trash
Your a typical nigga, the kind you don't take home
This is Entyce and Barbie from the Danger Zone
Like a short dogg that carries fleas
You make my ass itch, twitch, don't you wish you could scratch it
And grab it like you want it
The name fits cause your all up on it...

[Verse 3: Too $hort]
Get mad if you want, I won't front
When it's time to hump, won't be no punk
Roll your ass over and tap the butt
Too $hort baby all in them guts
I'm not your ABC, from the alphabet
Every letter I'll write'll get your pussy wet
It's just a freaky note, from me to you
At the bottom I signed it Playboy II
I'm a player, bitch, I thought you knew
Like every other nigga in my crew
I bump hoes, now it's your turn
Tell me young tender when will you learn
I cold mack like pimps you know
Won't sell you dope or sell you blow
Just your average everyday straight bump up bitch
My gold rings come from spitz
Look baby, You know what I want
Your acting like it's that time of the month
Are you bleeding, can't think about sex
Irritated by your Kotex
We don't need to kiss, we don't have to fuck
I'll pull out my dick bitch, you can suck
Now here, don't say I won't
Get it girl, now I'm telling you don't...