I almost never "Hate" on people.....

I mean, I realize the world is made up of all types, and who am I to say that I'm any better than anyone else....

which leads me to this post....

Today, I want to tackle the unpleasant existence of a certain personality type that makes me cringe.  If you ever see me running like I'm on fire away from someone, you've likely witnessed me stumbling across a "One-Upper".

The "One-Upper" personality is pretty self explanatory based on name alone, it is a person who habitually, continuously and annoyingly ALWAYS is better, than you, always did it faster, bigger, better, more amazing than anything you can do, or have ever done.

Example of a conversation with an One-Upper!

-------------------

Normal Person:  "So.....I got an A on my paper in Sociology the other day, Man I totally thought I bombed it, I'm so happy I did so well on it!"

One-Upper:  "Oh, yeah, Sociology is tough, I got an A+, and the teacher even let me do extra credit bonus points, so I actually got an 110% on my paper.....It pays to go that extra step sometimes, but not like I need it, I'm on the deans list anyway...."

-----------------------

Normal Person:  "last night was my anniversary, and Jerimy got me the prettiest heart shaped diamond necklace, it's so pretty, I'm just so touched that he'd get me such a sweet and thoughtful gift"

One-Upper:  "Oh, that's pretty, diamonds could be a little bigger, see, here look at mine, these diamonds were imported straight from Antwerp, hand picked for me and then set in the setting.  I just can't get over what lengths my man will go for me.....he really does give me the world"

------------------------

A one upper won't just one-up you in good things, they will also one-up you in bad things too.  If your day was crappy, theirs was crappier, if your mom pisses you off, their mom was the meaniest mommy to ever walk the face of the earth.

No matter what you did, it's nothing compared to what they did.  And the "one-upper" just doesn't get that it's not a competition.  There is no prize for being better than anyone else.  They just do not understand the concept that people are individuals and we each are complete and separate from one another.  So even if you THINK you've done something better than someone else, that someone else is NOT YOU, perhaps you ran the race faster, but if you're a runner, and they aren't, it doesn't make you awesome, it just means you're good at this, and they are good at something else.

In my experience, the "one-upper" personality will suck the life and enthusiasm out of you faster than any other personality type.  Making everything a comparison, everything a contest.  I can handle the compulsive liars, at least their stories are usually pretty entertaining.  I can handle the fake people, who you know don't like you, but smile at you anyway...at least they are pleasant and know how to act in social settings.....but the "One-Upper"....they are just one type of person who I cannot get away from fast enough.  You one-up me, I'm going to quickly ask you "I'm sorry, do you know where the ladies room is, I had too much punch"...

So that makes me wonder....do you think they know how off putting their one-upping is?  Is it a personality flaw, or is it just a bad habit they are unaware of having?

I knew a guy once, that was so chronic, so horrifyingly a one-upper that me, who never tries to be mean to anyone, finally cracked one day and said "Ohhhhhh....yeah, right, I forgot, YOU are better at everything in any situation, at any time, anywhere....yeah, I forgot, with you, there's just no contest, you win!" and I walked away.  To this day, that guy still likely thinks I'm a B*tch....but I couldn't help it, I cracked, his epic tales of false heroism and inflated awesomeness was like nails on the chalkboard that I couldn't stand to listen to a moment longer.

Looking back on it now I think "wow, Heather....that was pretty rude"....and yeah, I admit, I was rather unpleasant, but to be around this person, it literally sucked the life right out of me.  They forced me to be fake, to roll my eyes, to feel tortured just by being in their presence....and all the while, it's plain to see that the "one-upper" is trying desperately to feel important, to shine, to be someone people admire.

But the only thing they are, is the guy/girl that everyone at a party tries to avoid.  How sad is that?  That by trying SO hard to be somebody, they become someone nobody can stand to be around.

Talk about shooting yourself in the foot socially!

I personally find that by being able to admit that you're flawed is the quickest way for people to be willing to take you for who you are.

Which brings me to one of my favorite quotes: 

"be who you say you are...and say what you feel....because those that matter, don't mind...and those that mind, don't matter!"

To all the One-Uppers out there, you don't have to be the best at everything to be lovable....actually some of the most lovable people are hopelessly average...but have warm hearts.  You don't have to jump higher, run faster, talk louder than everyone else to be someone worth talking to....sometimes the most interesting person in a room, is the one who listens to others without saying much of anything....

So in closing, if you are a one-upper, it's not too late to turn things around.....it's not too late to Not be:

 

Sincerely,

~HeatherLynn~

{If you have experience with a "one-upper" and would like to share how you have dealt with one positively, withOUT running away from them like you're on fire...please, I'd love to hear your story, feel free to leave a comment in the comment section as to your experience}

Toxic Couples:

Recently it's been brought to my attention that I have some dysfunctional couples around me.  You know the couple that fights constantly....the ones who break up a lot, on again, off again....drama drama drama...We've all seen them, hell some of us might of even BEEN IN a toxic couple-ship a time or two.  But the other day my mom told me, "you know it's not healthy to be around couples like that"....and I wondered if she were right.

Do Toxic Couples make you reflect on your own relationship, seeing how different and/or healthy yours is in comparison?

Or does the toxicity of theirs, leak over into the placid sea of your state of love w/ your significant other?

Personally, I'm a big fan of floating on the placid sea of love and tranquility.....ahhhhh....the peacefulness of it all.....shades on, floating, sipping on something fruity with an umbrella in it....

{gets lost in the visualization of that kind of paradise}

{snaps back to reality....}

And what really sucks is you want to HELP these couples, or at least help the half of the couple you consider your friend, you want to throw them a life preserver and say "GRAB HOLD, I"LL PULL YOU OUT!", but we all know, that if there's one thing the toxic relationship does, it sucks you in and in and in until you feel like you can't get out.

And then suddenly, THEIR relationship is frustrating YOU, and you're not even the one in the relationship!

*laughs*

Isn't it funny how that happens?

Personally, I think the toxic relationships of others, can do a couple things for healthy couples who love each other......they can listen to the toxic relationship woes of others, take it in, give thanks that THEIR significant other doesn't do this, or doesn't do that....and take comfort in the fact that no matter what problems the healthy relationship has, it isn't nothing compared to the problems of others.

OR

The toxic relationships of others can cause waves into a healthy relationships placid sea by being a constant negative vibe buzzing around the healthy couple.  Causing irritability, and putting ideas of negativity towards relationships, the opposite sex, bringing up feelings of discontent to the forefront of our minds....since most people will advise the toxic couple to go their separate ways, saying that no relationship is worth that amount of misery to continue on with....the person giving that advice inadvertently has to think about what relationships are worth.....

I'm curious as to your thoughts....do you think the relationships of others distract you in your own relationships, add negativity and discontent, or do you think their drama, their dysfunction reaffirms the good aspects in your relationship that theirs lacks?

Or is it as simple as "Are you a glass half empty, or glass full kind of person?"  Do optimistic people take the toxic couple and say "whew, could be worse, we could be like them", while the negative personality person says, "We're probably going to wind up just like them one day....."

I tend to be glass half full kind of person myself, so when I approach the toxic couple situation, I think the MOST important thing is to KEEP a healthy distance from THEIR drama, know the difference between theirs and yours, learn how to put down the "fixitstick" and try to not insert ourselves into the middle of other people's problems, when clearly the problem cannot be solved by an outside person.  And us running interference in the middle only muddies the already murky water.  Sometimes the best thing you can do is just be there to listen....and then forget about it.

So many times we think we can save someone....when really, the only person who can, is them.  Too many people are sinking....and we throw out our live preservers to those people, but the one thing you can't do, is make them grab on.

yet we still throw the life ring...*shrugs*....we're human, it's what we do.

For top of the food chain, we aren't always the brightest!

*winks*

A good heart filled with good intentions can be as big of a blessing as it can sometimes be a curse.

Thoughtfully yours,

~HeatherLynn~

Ut-Oh

Last night I decided to dye my hair a new color, it was called "Dark Burgundy" on the front of the box.  As I was mid-dye, I see the top of the box says it's called "black cherry"....hmmmm..."black?"  That was the first point I got worried on how things would turn out.

{it was supposed to be this color}

But I was patient, I watched Crocodile Dundee on AMC with my momma while I waited the 25 minutes for the color to process....I took a shower, and blow dried my hair and stood speechless in the mirror at my purple/black hair.

{it turned out THIS color}

"HOLY MOSES!" I believe were my exact words as I stood there trying to believe my eyes.

This morning, I woke up in my bed, which is a rarity in and of itself, normally I wake up in Jerimy's....which I really must tell you, "the best way of waking up is NOT Folgers in your cup"...it's waking up next to the person you adore!  :)  I swung my legs over the edge of the bed, put my feet on the floor, and as I walked past my dresser mirror, I stopped, I backed up, and I was like...."WHAT THE....??"  I freaked myself out...I'd forgotten that I'd died my hair to look like my dark evil twin from an alternate universe! *smiles*

It's pretty bad when you scare yourself in the morning!

It's raining....and dreary outside, I guess, dark gloomy hair can stay for today....

Tomorrow....well, it's anyone's guess.

I used to think I was only a disaster in the kitchen....

I think we can add hair dye mishaps to my list of things I'm good at now too!

Dark & Mysterious

Evil Twin,

~Heather Lynn~

Bitter Beer Face:

Does anyone Else make THIS FACE when they drink a 5 hour Energy shot?

Cause this was sooooooo me two minutes ago.

I couldn't help it!

My apologies to anyone who saw me and who I may of indirectly frightened.

You'd think for $3/shot, they could make em taste even remotely better!

~Heather Lynn~

The things we do for Beauty:

I think that I might of been a beautician in another life....because I just love all things hair.  A great new hair cut, hair colors, crazy new styles, trying to replicate old vintage styles, and I especially love finding out some "trick of the trade" that gets me a style I could never figure out before....like today for example....

I never thought in a million years that'd cut the toe off of a random mate-less sock and wear it in my HAIR!  yeah, you heard me right!  Right now, as I type this, I've got a sock in my hair!

*laughs and snorts*

...how weird is that?!

But I'm telling you, if you want that big beautiful bun look you see girls sporting, and you think, wow, they must have a lot of hair...NOPE, it's just an ole tube sock!

Also, I read online that IF you want big sexy curls, you can wrap your hair when it's damp, sleep over night with the sock in place, and your hair will be curled to perfection in the morning, THIS I've got to try....somehow I think it may be too good to be true, but we'll see!  I'll let you know the results as they come in.

Happily Hairily Yours,

~Heather Lynn~

A comedy, but a unforgettable message:

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life."

 

Recently, I watched Bridesmaids, and I tell you, what a gritty, wildly insane one minute, but down right poignant the next movie it is!

My absolute favorite part of the movie is this:

Talk about right on the money!  So many people ACCEPT their crummy lives, plop on the couch and say, this is my life, let me wallow in the misery of it....oblivious to the mirror standing in front of them (in this case Megan) trying to show Annie how she looks.  Sometimes we need someone to smack the hell outta of us to make us fight instead of wallow.

I remember a time, a long time ago, when it felt like EVERYTHING was wrong.  I was barely living....I went to work, came home, crawled into bed and pulled the covers over my head and just couldn't seem to do much else.  Life as I knew it was disintegrating, my parents were getting divorced, and not just any old divorce, but like horribly, my life wasn't turning out like I'd thought....and I, like Annie here, was just sitting in the mess, no longer trying, I was just existing among the pieces of what I believed to be my shattered life.  Until Amber Kimmet (Kruse) forced me out of it.  She didn't smack me in the face, or bite my butt like Megan did to Annie, but she did tell me how it was, and tell me that it wasn't ok, what I was doing....pulling away, falling apart, she simply just couldn't allow me to do it anymore, and she told me truthfully, with concern, but also with brutal honesty, that what I was doing, it wasn't cool.  And I've always thought to myself, that she sure must of really loved me to be willing to put the boots on, get right down in the muck with me and pull me the hell out of it.  But Amber did, and I always think about that when I think of her, she was a bright spot in a very dark time.


There's a saying:

 

At this time, I just want to say thank you to ALL the mirrors in my life (you guys sure know who you are), the people who have loved me THROUGH everything I've ever had happen to me.  For not letting me get to the point where I find myself looking into the face of a friend and complaining that I don't have any friends.....

Friends are an unbelievable gift, that I truly DO NOT know how people get through life without them.  I can't imagine where I'd be without mine, my mirrors.

God bless em for nobody else in the world would have no problem saying "Annie, you're an asshole!"....*laughs* and still love you even though you are one!

The people who fight with you....so often times are the ones who fight FOR you.

And THANK GOD for that.

You know something else about mirrors, if you shine a light into one, that light shines back out, so if you haven't brightened the day of one of your pals, take a minute, and give em a shout out....we're all pains in the asses sometimes, so it's really nice when you can shine light into the person who so many times, has shared THEIR light with you when you were running low on your own.

With much Gratitude,

~Heather Lynn~

Here's a Thought...or Twelve.

Well my lovelies, what shall we talk about today?

Chick-fil-A?

the fact that I'm thinking perhaps I'm un-American because I watch old episodes of Grey's Anatomy instead of the Olympics....

or....

Lets see...what else is there....

Something I've been thinking a lot about lately is "keeping things simple".....

Sounds easy right, but we humans are just too damned complicated for our own good sometimes aren't we?!

We make mountains out of molehills, we let our emotions get the best of us, and holy moses, our tempers can flare sometimes just because we're hungry, or the humidity's making us "sticky".  We ARE temperamental creatures.

Recently, I was totally holding on to some things that I knew I shouldn't, I kept telling myself, SHUT UP, GET OVER IT ALREADY!!, but there it was, continuing to eat at me and eat at me until I finally unloaded on someone close to me, and man, I tell you, when I heard my whining and complaining and expression of discontent pouring out of my mouth, I was like..."HOLY CRAP, Heather, Would you listen to yourself!?!"

The person I shared my discontent with was of course like "wow, you seem really angry!"  and I was like..."I guess I kinda am!"

My friend was like..."do you want me to.....{insert helpful solution here}...and I was like ..."No...no, it's fine"

And my friend was like "you don't seem like it's fine....."  and of course she was right, in the moment of all of my angst runneth over, I wasn't fine....but once I was done with telling her everything, and she offered to try and help me...I was like..."Nah, you already have....I guess I just needed to say it out loud".  Be vulnerable.  Ever notice how hard that is, to just really be vulnerable and let someone see your insides when they are ugly?  But, once it was out....I felt amazingly better.  My "issue" really wasn't an issue anymore.

Isn't that funny how something so simple, like um, just talking shrinks a mountain into a molehill once again?  I'm convinced that communication is the gateway to wherever you want to go.

But back to keeping it simple....why do we make things so complicated?  Why do we put so much time and effort worrying, bottling things up......?

My good and amazing friend Donna has really been a Godsend to me here lately, I'm a worrier by nature, it's in my DNA, no kidding, I got the worrying gene....and the more I love something, the more important something or someONE is to me, the more I worry about it, the more I worry, the more unstable my emotional state is.  Sure, I've had 34 years of learning how to keep it together at work, in social settings, but you put me alone in bed at night, in my car, in the shower...those moments when nobody's watching, nobody's around....and BAM!  It's like worry fest!  There have been times when the only thing I know to do is to drown OUT the sounds in my head...play loud music, run a belt sander...WRITE, something...anything to escape the reality of the state of my mind!

I swear it's not my intention to be neurotic, and all garbled up by an overactive melon....I think it's just how I'm wired....but what's really interesting about that is that we really do have the ability to be our own electricians.  If you're wired wrong like I am, there's hope.....grab a handful of these:

and get tweaking!  That's tweaking, not tweeting!  Stay with me.....don't open Twitter....if you did, go ahead and close that window now, okay?!  Ok, good.  Now that you're back....

I want to share with you the following quotes:

“There is so much about my fate that I cannot control, but other things do fall under the jurisdiction. I can decide how I spend my time, whom I interact with, whom I share my body and life and money and energy with. I can select what I can read and eat and study. I can choose how I'm going to regard unfortunate circumstances in my life-whether I will see them as curses or opportunities. I can choose my words and the tone of voice in which I speak to others. And most of all, I can choose my thoughts.” 

“You need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select your clothes every day. This is a power you can cultivate. If you want to control things in your life so bad, work on the mind. That's the only thing you should be trying to control.” 

Isn't that something....the idea that THOUGHTS are ours, and damnit if we want, we can learn to control them, instead of them controlling us?!  How amazing is that?!

Elizabeth Gilbert said those things in her book and the Movie "Eat Pray Love"....and while many people did not particularly care for that movie, I've always appreciated it for what it was....maybe not a blockbuster to many, but it packed a punch, right in the gut and right in the forehead on how to deal with yourself, when you're kinda ugly or messed up inside.  We're all that sometimes aren't we?  Reckless.....lost, worried, disappointed, overly analytical?!  Maybe you're not, but I totally can be.  Like for instance, I have a really bad habit of being totally self destructive...when my head's a mess, it's my natural tendency to make my body feel as bad....I smoke cigarettes like it's my job, I can't eat, I can't sleep, pretty soon, my outsides start to resemble my insides and I'm not only half a mess, Oh, I'm a whole mess!  Why on earth does that ever seem like a good idea to do to oneself? 

When you can figure out how to "keep it simple".....I think you get this really awesome thing called "peace"...not "world peace", not a "piece of the pie"...or "a piece"...(which I will say, DOES help calm that mind RIGHT on down, I recommend this, use as needed)....but the kind of peace that gives you calm.  And that calm takes hold and pushes out the nervousness, the jittery worries of things you have no real hope of changing anyhow, and yet we worry.....

Why couldn't I have been born zen?! *laughs*....I think sometimes the most I know actually ABOUT Zen, is how to spell it.  It is spelled Z-E-N isn't it?

I guess if my mind wasn't a bucket of random thoughts and roller coaster emotions.....I'd likely log in here to post simple sentiments of harmony and tranquility.....and we all know, that stuff might fly in the self help aisle, but fiction....to write fiction, you gotta be a little whacked out at times! *smirks*

So what this whole random rambling comes down to is that in life, when the tidal wave of whatever's bugging you starts to wash your rational self away....I tell myself, and you.....try to "Keep it simple"....and to "just keep swimming..." if you can do that, you'll never drown.

Happy Thursday to you and yours,

~Heather Lynn~

Wetzel 2012

The problem with Wetzel is what happens at Wetzel, doesn't stay at Wetzel.

Wetzel looks very much like a red carpet event there's so much paparazzi!  Camera's flashing with amazing speed in the hands of wide eyed and stoned slitted eyed fascination.  Except Wetzel's red carpet doesn't have movie stars, instead there are naked people with interesting piercings and tattoos.  Some nakedness that's pleasing to the eye, (pretty topless hula hooping lady) while others being enough to make you go blind if you were to look at it for too long!

If what happened at Wetzel, stayed at Wetzel I wouldn't have a particularly quite graphic scene that keeps playing in my mind, that a gallon of Clorox and shock therapy couldn't cleanse me from witnessing.....

And while I am plagued by the vision of what I saw, I'm fairly certain, there's a couple guys' penises that are either burning when they pee, or falling off by what I saw them do with them. 

One good thing though that comes from witnessing such things is that I can look at my own life, and reflect, and say to myself, Giiirl, no matter what wrong choices you have made in your life, at least you've made better choices than those people are making right now, right in front of you.  So that's good right?  Also, I wasn't alone in witnessing what I did, I sat next to Jerimy's friend "Chubby", who I really must say, there's nothing like witnessing a live gang bang to really bond two people for life.  I feel like he and I have been in the trenches together, and while we both may be scarred for life, I do feel as though it brought us closer. *laughs and snorts a little*  The more I'm around Jerimy's friends, the more I like them...

So many people ask me, WHY DO YOU LIKE GOING TO A PLACE LIKE THAT?!  And honestly, it's just one of those things that I can't entirely put my finger on.  It's a feeling, an energy I think that you get from a place like that.  To be surrounded by people who are so free.....and unrestrained, and even reckless....you can't help but feel the energy 10,000 people like that will emit.

With no cops on the grounds, and it being private property, the rules of society don't exactly apply.  With tall fences sectioning you off from the outside world, when you're at Wetzelland, you're no longer in the REAL world, you're somewhere else entirely!

I love all the bikes, and the music, and the tattoos.

This year was the first year I rode through those gates on my own Harley, and let me tell you, that's one badass feeling to know that you've arrived.  I've always wanted a Harley of my own, I've always wanted to one day ride into Wetzel on my own two wheels, and I've finally done it.  I actually have had one of my life long dreams come true.  How's that for summertime awesomeness?

My little Piglet took me there and back, safe, sound, with a few bruises, but all in one piece.

Looking forward to 2013.

~Heather Lynn~

A special thank you going out to Jerimy, for being the person I ride beside.  Well, sometimes I ride behind him, but that's mostly just because he's fast and sometimes I have trouble keeping up. *smiles*

I'm so happy that when I go on life's little adventures like this, HE's the one that's with me.

<3

Pleasantries:

There's a saying:  "Today, Give a stranger one of your smiles, for it might be the only sunshine he sees all day"....

I'm a firm believer in the unsolicited smile.  I given em out like Family Planning gives out condoms on planned parenthood talk day in High School.  Perhaps that's a bad analogy.....

Regardless...yesterday while tromping down the stairs headed for home after my 8 hour shift, I was coming down the second story flight, while a woman was clip-clopping up from the Lower Level.  I looked down at her, she looked up at me, and we exchanged a smile.  She said Hello, I said Hello and then I countered with "I love your shoes!" and she said "I LOVE your hair!"  We looked at each other warmly as our compliments to one another sank in, and then we walked out into the parking lot together until we headed off in our separate ways.

I've seen this women many times around the building, always seemed friendly, and today I was glad to have shared the stairwell and our exchange of pleasantries.

Of course this was all nearly thrown out the window when she pulled out of her parking place right in front of me from behind a large SUV that she couldn't see around, and I about plowed her with my neon!  Poor thing would'a been squished like a bug!  Good thing she loved my hair and I her shoes, because instead of her flipping me off, and me throwing my arms violently in the air, she waved and I waved her out of her space allowing her to go on out in front of me.  I don't much like getting flipped off, I try and avoid it when I can.

So the moral of the story, sharing a smile with someone's pretty cool.    And breaks on my car, they are pretty cool too.

~Heather Lynn~

The Value of things:

It's raining, it's dark out....and the climate for relationships seems to match the weather these days.  Dark and dreary.

Recently, there has been an outbreak of breakups among the ranks of couples I know.  It seems like you can't swing a stick without hitting someone who's in the process of breaking up.  And I it saddens me so.  I hate to see these unions end.  Especially when both people are good people, and both people at one time loved each other....so you have to ask...."Where does the love go? 

Where does the good go?"

Once upon a time, I got married, and I did it all wrong, I married someone impulsively, with the absurd notion that "if it don't work out, we'll just get divorced!"  Yes, folks, he and I actually made that agreement before we got married!  *Slaps myself in the forehead*...what in the hell was I thinking?  I understand that it's a logical determination...I mean, IF it didn't work out, the natural outcome would be we'd get divorced, with the divorce rate being at 50%, it's not a shocking thing when a marriage ends, but still......where does the good go?

I asked that question again last night.....to Jerimy I said "How do you go from proposing, wanting to spend THE REST of your life with someone one minute, and then letting them walk right out of your life the next?  How does that even happen?"

Is it Pride?  Is it discontent?  Or is it something else?

I was married for six years, and while we were basically strangers when we walked down the aisle together, after only 6 weeks of dating.....I feel that we gave it better than the old college try.  Six years of "trying"....is a dang good effort I think, and I don't regret my ex's and I's failed marriage, it was a lesson in life and love that I couldn't of gotten any other way.  I'm a better person for it, and I'm sure he is too.  Young dumb kids get married after only 6 weeks of knowing each other, and they gained the lesson of a lifetime.  You can't get that kind of education in school, when you learn shit the hard way, you RETAIN that knowledge.

Another half of a couple that is throwing in the towel said to the other, "you're the best I've ever had"....well then why the hell are you letting "THE BEST" walk out the door?  Why are we so willing to "let go" of something that at one time, made us the happiest we've ever been?  Is it just easier to start over with someone else instead of fighting for the person you've invested so much time, love and energy to?

Is LOVE not worth fighting for anymore? 

Is Family not so important as to think it's better torn apart? 

Where does the good go?

Now I'm not saying some couples shouldn't go their separate ways, there most certainly are, I was half of a couple that needed to, so I know when trying isn't enough, when fundamental effort isn't enough, but in my case, that's because I was only half the equation.  I could of tried til I was blue in the face, but if the other person wasn't trying too, it wouldn't of ever made a difference.  When one person gives and the other person takes, someone's going to run empty while the other one runs over.  It's just the way it is.

To those of you breaking up....and you know who you are, I'm so sorry for the loss and stress and hurt that you must be feeling.  I wish this wasn't happening to you.  I wish that love had been enough.  If it's the right thing, you'll find peace in your decision/situation, if it's the wrong thing, you'll find regret, but either way, you're going to learn a lot about yourself, you're going to FEEL everything one minute and be numb the next.  Life is going to pull you and push you in directions and you won't always know up from down, but one thing that is certain, is that life has just dealt you a valued lesson.  After all the hurt subsides, and the anger and resentment fade, you'll know what to take away from it.

It took a long time to be able to say I wasn't mad at my ex for not loving me enough, or not giving enough to our relationship.  I felt like I'd given so much, and he'd given so little....but in the end, his lack of giving actually GAVE me the freedom to put down my work gloves, dust myself off and say, enough now.  That's enough Heather.  You've given it your all, you've done all that you can.  But it's just not enough to make a wrong thing right anymore.

In my relationship question of "where does the good go?"  My "good" came in the form of KNOWING myself in a very honest, very accountable way that I hadn't before.  Accepting myself for who I was, the good, the bad, the failures and everything I was and everything I wasn't.  Self acceptance and self awareness are sometimes forced upon you when everything else falls apart around you.  The "Good" that came from my heartbreak, was the ability to be completely honest with myself about who I was, and to stop trying to be the person people might of thought I was, or wanted me to be.  I was not the perfect daughter, the perfect wife, the perfect sister or friend.  I wasn't good at living up to the standards of others, and once I stopped trying, wow, talk about taking a load off!  Whew!  I was finally free to be me, the whole me and nothing but the me!

*laughs*

"me, me, me...."

I swear I'm not as self centered as that sounds....

but when you don't know WHO you are, "ME" is something you have to dedicate a lot of time to uncovering.

What's that saying, "To rise from the ashes of the Phoenix"....which means to be destroyed, turned to ash and be reborn from those remainders of yourself.  Relationships are the fires that burn you, what's left is sometimes the best gift of all.....a new beginning.  If you can't find the "good" in each other anymore, let your "good" be hope and faith in yourself, that you can be reborn, a little of the old you, a lot of knowledge needed for the new you, but no matter how lost you feel, you will not lose you.  YOU are still in there....and YOU will come back out on the other side of this.  Take your time, we'll all be right here waiting patiently until YOU make it back.  And you will.

I leave you with Sara Evans.  I sang this song at the top of my lungs today on the way to work....you might as well too.

Don't ask questions, just sing!  Trust me.

Luv,

~Heather Lynn~

Learn Something New Everyday:

Recently I learned a new term:  "Cat Calling".  Which can be defined as:

When a guy gives the wert whirl whistle or yells at a babydoll for the purpose of getting attention and in hopes of a future hookup. This is usually done out of the window of a car. Typically a Pontiac Firebird, or Camaro.

There was a whole segment on one of those Entertainment shows about what it's like to be a woman walking down the streets of NYC, getting unsolicited attention from men.

They sent a pretty redhead walking down the street, wearing a lovely dress that hugged her hips and accented all her womanly assets.  Nothing too provocative, but striking nonetheless.

As she walked along, men called out to her.  Over and over again, no matter where she went, she was hollered at, whistled at, stared down, approached, targeted, etc. by the men on the street.

The crazy part is when the news camera and reporter popped out and then asked the guys why they said what they did, what they hoped to come of it, and if they were single.

Many of them weren't single.  Most of them admitted that they did NOT receive much luck in obtaining "hook ups" with girls they cat called-out to...and most of them when asked, "If this was your mother, your sister, your DAUGHTER walking out here, would you want strange men calling out to them, saying the things you've said?"  They all looked embarrassed and said "No, I guess I wouldn't".

Here at my office, the Adult probation office used to be right next door, so many times as I made my way from my Court to the Courthouse down the street, men would approach me, say things like "daaaamn baby!" and "niiiiiice" and "Oh the things I'd do with YOU!"  Which I'm no supermodel, so if it's being said to me, it's being said to all women everywhere I'm sure. 

I know it's supposed to be a "compliment", but mostly, cat calling makes me feel "unsafe", "nervous", "uncomfortable", "creeped out", "harassed" and "skiddish".

What is it about some men that has them being so loose lipped to women they don't know?  Why is cat calling exclusive to men?  I've never heard a woman call out to a man on the street the way men do.

Care to share your cat calling experiences anyone?

Has it ever worked on you, or guys, worked FOR you?

I'm curious!

Talk to me.

~Heather Lynn~

This might make me unpopular...but....

To all the gun haters out there, you won't like what I'm about to post, but I'm going to say it anyway: If conceal and carry permit holders were allowed to carry their guns with them inside businesses, the world would be a safer place. There aren't enough police to be everywhere when you need them, but all it takes is ONE good Samaritan to protect an entire room full of strangers. Bad guys need to know, they are NOT the only guy with a gun in the room.

This video is very worth watching....a 63 year old man, protects his wife, and everyone around him. There's honor in that

In Honor of a Soldier:

Once upon a time, in a land far in my past, I met a girl.  She sat in front of me in Legal Research and Writing 101.  She was very unique looking I remember upon first noticing her.  She had a tattoo, wonderfully interesting eyes, and very distinct facial features.  I sat next to Kayla, my college friend who hated everyone upon first glace, and I remember Kayla making a snide comment about the girl and I felt instinctively protective of her....I wanted to protect her from anything negative, without even knowing her, I knew that one day I would.

Her name was Melissa, and a couple years later, I was a bridesmaid in her wedding!  Never even met the groom until a day or two before the big day.  His name was Chris Terry.  Upon meeting HIM, I thought to myself, so this is Melissa's Chris.  The soldier, the object of her love and devotion.....I stared at him for the longest time.

I'd heard so much about this man, I'd grown to know him through Melissa's eyes, and now I was seeing him for the first time with my own eyes....and I was curious about him.  After all, he was about to turn my dearest friend in a wife, and a soldier's wife at that!

Through the years, I've only grown more affectionate towards Chris and Melissa as a couple, and they ARE unlike any couple I've ever known.  They truly, truly know the meaning of true love.  Undying devotion, partnership, to honor, to cherish, they do all of that and more.  They have always made me proud to know them and call them my friends....no time more, than now.

You see Chris has been diagnosed with Leukemia, and is and has been fighting for his life against this aggressive disease this year.  He's a soldier, he's a son, a husband, a daddy to little fur face Burt, their pooch, he's not just guy, he's "the man"....and every time I think about the amount of courage, and strength it takes to fight for one's country....and then FIGHT for one's life....all while having a smile on his face, it makes my throat get all tight, and eyes get all watery, and my heart feels swollen and I'm overwhelmed with emotion.  It's been like this since Melissa told me the very disheartening news of the rocky road that lay ahead of them.

My Melissa is just not Chris's wife, she's his biggest supporter, she's his best friend, she's is "person"...and I know that for her, there isn't anything she wouldn't do for Chris, I think she proved that when she shaved her head to show her undying support to him:

{She is an amazing woman....absolutely endearing isn't she?}

Recently, there have been pictures surfacing on the Facebook Page that was created for Chris, it's called "Updates on Chris kicking Cancer's Butt"....Melissa has been really good about keeping us in the loop as to everything that goes on, almost AS it's going on....but here recently, the updates being posted are pictures are of people doing a push-up, holding little signs that says "Push-up for Sgt. Terry"....and again, throat tight, heart swollen, eyes watery!  This to me, is so symbolic, it's so heartfelt, that I could not help but to share it with all of you.  We are helpless to take this ailment away FOR Chris, but we CAN give him a push-UP while he's being bogged down.

For those of you who are friends with me on Facebook, I've started an Album there with the pictures so far, I would ask that should it be on your heart, to have it in you, to give my friend "Super Chris" a PUSH-UP....Go and post it there.  I fully intend to add mine as soon as I can get someone to take the picture for me.

To those who submitted pictures already, you all have hearts of gold and thank you for the support you offer Chris and Melissa, and for the inspiration you showed me....and hopefully everyone who reads this post.

Life is so short, and cancer touches so many....my Aunt Mary is also fighting the fight (Love you Aunt Mary)....so if you have the time, say a prayer for those who suffer, those who struggle, those who are in pain and those who get up each and every day and say "Not today Cancer....you're not taking me today..you're not taking me period!"

I hope these pictures touch you and offer you hope and strength and optimism and LOVE....like they did me.  In a world full of chaos, and political agenda's and everything else that stifles us, somewhere, someone's on their hands and knees/toes, giving a fellow human a push-UP!  I want to be among THESE people.

I always knew, from the first time I saw Melissa, that I would protect her in any way I could....I cannot protect her from this, but your prayers for her, for Chris, THEY have the ability to change lives, to change the world.  Keep these two amazing, WORTHY people in your prayers won't you?  And my Aunt Mary too!

Thank you very much in advance, I will forever be grateful for any support/prayers you can spare.

Sincerely,

~Heather Lynn~

Lima Locations I Like:

DESTINATION #1 - LIMA PUBLIC LIBRARY

Oh, how I love the library!  The smell of the books, the low quiet hum of computers and pages being turned...I'm a big fan.

However, the "Lima Public Library" has an element about it that kinda freaks me out.  Like today for example, I went to go pick up the next book in the Janet Evanovich Series "Smokin' Seventeen" and as I surveyed the room while making my way over to check my book out, this guy locks eyes with me, he practically waved his arms to get my attention, I looked at him and he dramatically raised and lowered his eyebrows at me, instantly it reminded me of "the man with the gun" from Adventures in babysitting, here's a clip to refresh your memory should you need it:

I quickly looked away from him as if I hadn't seen him.  While I never looked directly at him again after that, I could see that he watched me very intensely as I perused the new Fiction section just before leaving the Library.  Odd right....?  What's even MORE odd, is what happened to me the time BEFORE today....

I walked up to the front door of the building, a young man was coming out of the revolving door as I approached, he stopped and stood motionless as I made my way around him and into a slot in the glass revolving door.  I heard him say as I began to go...."Well hell, with a view like this, I'm gonna have to take me another spin!" and he hopped in the slot behind me and instead of exiting the door into the library like I had, he spun back to the outside and again, stood alone on the sidewalk watching me from the other side of the glass.

I was like, how odd!  I got my book, checked out, and when I came back out, same gentlemen standing right where I'd last saw him, this time he says to me...."Daaaaamn, aint you a sweet thang!"...followed by "guuuuuuuurl, you got it going on!"  I smiled politely, gave the sincere head nod of acceptance of his compliment and made my way across the parking lot back to my vehicle.

He waved at me as I drove out of the lot.  But that's not the end of the story.....a half hour later, the same gentlemen was standing in the lobby of my office.  White shirt, baggy pants, same big smile.  I was caught off guard when I looked over to see him standing there behind 4 inches of bulletproof glass looking at me, smiling.  I was like, this town's too big to be the same guy I saw at the Library, but it was him.  As I approached the window and said "Can I help you?"  He said, "Hello AGAIN!"

Me:  "Hello" while looking confused....

Him:  "I have an appointment with {insert name}"

Me:  You must be at the wrong office, this is the Court of Appeals, you might want to check upstairs with the prosecutor's office, perhaps that's where you need to be?

Him:  "yessssss ma'am....and I'll be seeing...YOU...around!" and he pointed at me, winked, smiled big and wide, and as he walked away, he walked backwards never breaking his stare until he loaded into the elevator and the door closed behind him.

Had he followed me from the library?  And why would he?  I'm far from pretty enough to warrant a mid-afternoon-mid-work-week stalking.  Was it purely coincidence?  I don't know, but I continue to go back to the library, the draw of free books, the smell of the paper, the long aisles of shelves with mundane carpeting....they keep me coming back time and time again.

Guess my love of books is stronger than my fear of creepy guys! 

*smiles*

"Never let the creep factor of others keep you from the joys of life."

"Walk softly and carry big pepper spray."

"A book in the hand is better than creepy guys in a bush...."

Wait, I don't think I'm getting these quite right....

Stopping before things get out of hand,

~Heather Lynn~

Date Night:

The best dates I've ever had, have NOT been dinner and a movie.  Maybe I'm too nontraditional for that.

Friday night, Jerimy and I decided to go out for a ride on our motorcycles together.  I was really looking forward to our time together.  It'd been a long week by the time Friday rolled around, and a night spent with him, doing anything sounded great.

At the last minute, Jerimy's friend Matt mentioned riding along with us with his fiance Josey...and by 10:30 p.m. we were on our bikes, about to head out into the night together.

Jerimy asked where I wanted to go, and I said, The Aqueduct!  It's my newest most favoritest place currently.  I'd already been there earlier in the week, but I'd not been there at night time since I was a little girl, so it sounded appealing.

As we headed out in that direction, I got up next to Jerimy and said "Lets go to Bloody Bridge First!"  He nodded over the roar of our dual engines and we continued to drive off into the pitch darkness of night, guided only by our headlamps, and a vague familiarity of the area....which remarkably looks not just like a different landscape, but like a different WORLD after dark.

There was no moon, yet we managed to eventually arrive at our destination.  BLOODY BRIDGE!

I took this picture many years ago, but it is of the monument that sits along side of the bridge, telling the grizzly tale of a love triangle gone wrong, and a man wielding an ax, beheading his adversary.  Pretty neat for rural no-where's-ville Ohio!  Matt and Josey had never been out this way, and didn't know the story of the bridge, or even of it's existence, so Jerimy and I were happy to bring them up to speed.  As it neared midnight, we decided to wait and see if some of the stories were true, if in fact at midnight, you could hear the voices of the ghosts of Blood Bridge.  We're no ghost hunters, but we are curious people, and it was Friday the 13th, and we had nowhere to be, so Bloody Bridge we figured was as good a place as any to hang out awhile.

We waited ....counting down the minutes until midnight....shuffling nervously, yet bravely around the bridge, under and on top, along side, etc.  We shined our flashlights, and told ghost stories we'd heard over our lifetimes to one another until it was 11:58 p.m. on Friday the 13th, standing in the dark, the four of us on a desolate bridge.  We fell silent as we waited out the next two minutes.

the seconds ticked down.....nobody made a sound.  As midnight hit, we held our breath....and then.....

......

......

...............................

Nothing! 

Absolutely not a bloody thing!

ha,ha

So we said, "Ah, well lets head down to the Aqueduct!"

And we did.

Which was nice, the water's roar, drowned out the noise in my head from the long week, just like the roar of my Harley's engine....We paired off, Josey and Matt sat quietly together along the falls on one side, while Jerimy and I sat close on the other.  We talked, and sat together, and I was in heaven.  The long and trying week, had chewed me up early on, and at the week's end, it spit me back out right next to Jerimy, in nature, under a dark yet starry night, sitting close to one another and still.....together.

Which if you ask me, is the THE BEST place on earth to be.

~Heather Lynn~

My brother said "I'd rather be madly in love with someone who I occasionally fight with for 4 days straight, than to be with someone who I don't fight with, but am NOT crazy about."

And I agree with him.  As painstaking as it is to be at odds with the person you love, I TOO would rather be crazy about someone 97% of the time, and at odds 3%, than to only love them 3% of the time and NEVER quarrel.

Lots going on in the relationships around me these days, it seems like everyone's breaking up, some people slow and miserably, others, simply move out and on before the other person gets home to find them gone....it's just a mess out there.

I feel horrible for those who are suffering through these terrible times of having their hearts broken, having to learn how to pick up the pieces and try to start over again.  Starting over is one of the hardest things to want to do, when the misery that is laying in your mess and feeling miserable seems like the only thing you are capable of anymore.

A lot of sadness in the air....a lot of souls just trying to get through the day.....and when you ARE madly in love with someone, it's hard not to be scared to death at times that one day this could happen to you too.  But then there's that optimistic hope that your relationship is different, stronger.

  A hope that thankfully exists, because without it, humans would never willingly set them selves up for having their hearts broken ever again after the first time it happens to them.

My philosophy is this:  "If you always try and put the person you love's needs, desires, wants, etc. front and center, if you always take time, and pleasure in making THEM happy, and they do the same for you, you don't have to be self serving.....you give to them, they give to you, you love them, they love you.  You get back what you put in.  Nobody goes without what they want and need from the relationship, because the two partners are seeing to it that the wants and needs of each partner are met...and the crazy thing, if you're lucky, you BOTH will find joy in making the other one as happy as they make you."

Now, there are times each person can stray from this philosophy, sometimes it's because life gets crazy, or when one party feels slighted, but the important thing, is that after each fight, you wipe the slate clean, and began again with a willing and giving spirit.

And if you're extremely lucky, you'll find yourself in a relationship with someone you ALWAYS want to start again with.  No matter how many times it takes.

~Heather Lynn~