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Well let’s see. I was born during the Blizzard of 1978 in Lima, Ohio. I have lived in Ohio all my life. I like it here. We have corn fields instead of oceans, overpasses instead of mountains and fog instead of smog. Sure it's not the promise land, but sometimes one doesn't need postcard worthy beauty on the outside to have it elsewhere. I'm a writer for fun, a Paralegal for profession, and while one pays the bills, one feeds my imagination, or perhaps my imagination feeds my writing...either way, Writing is as much of who I am as the color of my eyes, or the way that I smile. Blogs are great communication tools, and I'm here to communicate with YOU...yeah, you who's reading this right now....*assuming anyone's out there* *crickets chirp* Alrightee then, IF anyone should find themselves here, be it by accident or on purpose, welcome, glad to have you aboard. Throw anchor, stay awhile! Sunshine & Smiles, ~Heather Lynn~

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

To the one I love:

Dearest Google,

It is with a joyful heart that I write to you this evening.  You see, I recently scored an amazing find at my local Re-Store...and to my total surprise and delight, it was EXACTLY what I was in need of, and what luck to find that it was 75% OFF the ticket price.

So I walked out of there with a giant white board to do my brain storming on....and a little basket to hold Jerimy's bathroom man stuff (ie:  electric razor, shaving cream) that he likes to keep "handy" and for a whopping grand total cost of $1.60.  Isn't that so thrilling.  To find EXACTLY what you are looking for and pay less than a soda pop to own?

Due to the recent "time off work" to recover from my surgical removal of like 8 inches of my Large Intestine and the seven incisions in my abdomen, I'm supposed to be "taking it easy"...something I truly thought I'd be good at, however I am finding to my shock and amazement, that I'm not nearly as lazy and unproductive as I once thought perhaps I was.  "Recovering" is much harder than I thought...all the laying, and sitting, and sleeping is almost more than I can take.  I find myself staring out the window, day dreaming about the most bizzare thing.  Just yesterday for instance, while contemplating my future state of destitute-ness due to my not receiving a paycheck as I'm off doing all this "recovering"...I began to think up ideas on how I'm going to pay my bills.  First Steve Irwin popped into my head...I have NO IDEA why, #1 considering being Steve Irwin really didn't turn out so well for him, seeing as he is deceased, and #2 I'm in no shape to be wrestling crocodiles or swimming with sting rays.  So then I contemplated my strengths and weaknesses.  My past and present employers always have told me they actually get complimented on my pleasant phone etiquette.  So I began to contemplate ways to make money at talking on the phone....NATURALLY, I thought...Phone Sex Operator.  

I'm imaginative, I have TONS of time on my hands, I have great telephone etiquette, and unlimited minutes on my cell phone plan...BRILLIANT right?!  But then I got to thinking about actually having to say things like..."oooooh yeah, just like that..." and things of that nature and I cringed a bit...

and then considered the customer base and decided to just work on my third novel and stop procrastinating already!

That's where you come in you see Google, my love, my friend, my savior.  As it turned out, once I returned home with my amazing White Dry-Erase Board find, I cleaned it, I polished it and I wrote on it, only to find myself devastated when my "DRY-ERASE" board wouldn't erase.  It was ruined.  It was totally and utterly Dry, and IMPOSSIBLE to erase!  *tears up*...all my joy, all my excitement, shattered and reflecting back at me through the not so shiny finish of my very white, very large, useless investment.  I pouted some and then said to myself..."Heather, m'girl, it's ok, you only spent like a dollar on it...at least you're not out very much", but even my self-pep talk didn't take away the haunting sadness at having been so disappointed by the dry-erase-board-Gods who had stolen my dreams of endless whiteboardness, and repeated dry-erasing.

My friend Anissa was here tonight, I said to her, "Just wait til Jerimy gets home from work, he'll know what to do, he can FIX anything!"  Unfortunately when he got home, he FIXed himself a plate of the Roasted Garlic Alfredo Pasta I had made for supper and said to me "Honey, um, yeah, I don't think I can fix that!" And then proceeded to engross himself in an episode of Spartacus on Netflix.

So I did the only thing left to do, I googled:

Google, I cannot begin to tell you of the comfort and relief as I began to peruse the many WikiHow's, "E-How's" and "YahooAnswers"....I read several theories, and of experiments gone wrong.  Some message boards had contradicting solutions and after much review and speculation, I chose the one that I felt had the best chance of miraculously working.

First I wiped the entire board down with rubbing alcohol, and THEN...I sprayed the whole thing with this magical WD-40 stuff and polished and made sure the entire surface was covered.  I was a little skeptical on how well my markers would write atop of this oily substance, but I have to tell you, it worked like a charm!  My totally and utterly useless hunk of whiteboard-crap was all shiny and useful again.  I immediately went to town brainstorming my 3rd novel's "issues" and holy crap did I come up with some good content and problem solving ideas for my storyline!  You hear that Vivienne Taylor Fans, I actually have "a plan" on how to get you a third novel!  mmmhmmm...yes ..... I......did!  All with a lil help from WD-40, and you Google, What would I do without you.  You're always there for me....if it's crazy random "symptoms" I'm experiencing and I want to be able to speculate the 100's of diseases you say I may have, but totally nearly 100% of the time DON'T have...you're there!  Day or Night.  If it's a cooking emergency and I only have a can of Tuna Fish, a box of Stove Top Stuffing and a jar of Jelly, you help me find a way to make a gourmet meal out of it....or at least help me Mapquest the nearest grocery store so I can buy groceries to which i'm clearly out of if I only have Tuna, Jelly and Stuffing!

In closing, Google, I just wanted you to know, that you're my pal, my buddy, I wholeheartedly trust you to give me all the completely unreliable information on any and every subject and then allow me to make my own decision on which I choose to believe, while disregarding the rest as complete hooey!  Oh, and that time you helped me figure the proper way people "do meth"...for research for my novel....well that was just a learning experience one just cannot put a price on!  I know more about illicit drugs thanks to you Google.  So in a way Google, you help me be the coolest thing in the world....a Writer.  Without you, my 3rd novel would still be held hostage by my head...instead of glimmering at me from a few feet away on my ginormous new one dollar white board, saying to me "write me, write me"....

{You see the size of this thing!!!}
"In this case...Size DOES matter!"

And Now I must get to bed, it's after midnight, and this guy is missing snuggle time with his momma:

{My Georgie}

Recovering in the subzero temperatures of Ohio 
While dry-erase-board-writing like a mad woman...I give thanks...
Yours Truly,

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