So I have cabin fever, like we all do this time of year...it's the same ole song and dance for us Ohioians as we spend far too much of our day daydreaming of wearing short sleeves and being outside and NOT have to freeze to death to do so!
So this week, I really wanted to wear Thongs...oh those colorful, flip-floppy signs of warm weather...I just wanted to put them on my feet and go, ya know?
Well, due to the fact that there's still like 6 inches of frozen crusty snow out side, I had to resign to the fact that thongs were not going to be an option on this particular day. So I settled for another kind of thong:
The kind that goes between your butt cheeks and not between your toes!
It was just one of those things where I told myself, Well, if you can't wear THONGS, wear A THONG! It will be your own personal victory over the cold temps outside. Going all nearly bare-assed under my pants! Kind of a little inside joke between me and ole Mother Nature, very wink-wink, nudge-nudge if you will.
Well, there's just one thing I hadn't factored in to our little inside joke. My recent surgery. Which lead to some weight loss, which lead to my favorite grey pants not fitting so good, which normally isn't a HUGE problem, until you put your cell phone in one of your pants' pocket upon leaving work for the day, and your Ipod in the other.
For you Math Nerds, lets set up the equation shall we:
Lets see, we have gravitational factors at play.
We first have the WEIGHT LOSS FACTOR
Then we have the EQUALLY DISTRIBUTED WEIGHT added to already unstable fabric
followed by the lack of fabric covering my rear assets, which would normally provide a little extra support/friction in keeping up loose pants.
So there I was, leaving work, one arm full of my Real Estate Books & my manuscript that I work on on my lunch break, and in the other hand, the mail I was taking to the post office and my purse and keys.
Can you guess what happens next?
Can you do the hypothetical math on this one?
what happens is, girl loses pants while walking in public and then dies of mortification by public indecency!
THANK GOD I worked a bit late, and my car and one other were the only one in the lot left, and who ever owned that particular vehicle wasn't leaving work at the same moment as I!
Say it with this guy if you will...
This embarrassing moment is brought to you buy the makers of my favorite grey pants, Apple Ipods, Android Smart Phones and Gravity.
I couldn't have done any of this without you!
Isn't it proper that the very FIRST embarssing moment of 2015 should be about "BARE-ASSING"
Oh, 2015 is going to be a fun year, I can just feel it!
How long do you wanna bet before Embarrassing Post #2 Surfaces?
Your little Writer-Monkey Friend with saggy britches,