Ok, so I'm trying to grow my hair out for my upcoming nuptials, and I'm the type of person who likes to be proactive. I know that a little extra effort can go a long way, so I'm all about helping my own causes, doing what I can to reach my own goals, etc etc, blah, blah blah!
Basically I want to look like THIS:
At my most recent hair cut apt, my cousin, Tim, Whom I adore told me, next apt., if you're hair's still dry, we'll do a deep conditioning treatment. So in an effort to be the good little hair client, I set out to have better conditioned hair by my next apt. I'd drink more water, I'd NOT brush my hair when it's wet, I'd sleep with Hair Masks and Coconut Oil treatments, I was going to come back shiny haired and improved at my next visit...and really wow him, like "look at me, I did good right?"
then THIS happened:
Picked er' up at my local Walmart, bought a fancy satin hair wrapper thing-a-ma-bob to keep my pillow protected and was so excited for the results of this "Blue Magic"...I mean, it says right in the name...MAGIC! I like Magic!
The next morning, I got up early, unwrapped my head like a Christmas present on Christmas morning, threw myself in the shower and couldn't wait to blow dry and see how shiny, how luxurious my hair would be!
To my dismay, After i blowed it dry, I looked like THIS:
except red, and more like dreads, less like snakes!
I didn't have time to take another shower, or I'd be late to work,
so I had to suffer through the day hoping to pull off the WET look, which I did NOT pull off. Instead I looked like a homeless, shower-less, GRUNGE-loving, Grease monkey who has never heard of DRY shampoo!
I was basically George Clooney in O' Brother Where art thou"
Because as it turns out, BLUE MAGIC COCONUT OIL, is NOT Coconut Oil, in fact it is Petroleum oil that smells like Coconut oil.
Basically making your hair look like it was a victim of the Exxon Mobile spill
Some say Pomade, I say pure motor oil!
or in my case, I DON'T WANT PETROLEUM JELLY IN MY HAIR G*DDAMIT!!!
Sure, if i would of turned the jar around and read the ingredients, I'd of saw that, but talk about misrepresentation. In researching the product the next day in an attempt to find a way to get this stuff OUT of my hair, I found many online reviews from poor saps just like myself that had the same experience. #1 rule of trying new products...GOOGLE THAT SH*T! Take my word for it....
And if you do try this and find yourself in my shoes, the remedy is this: You're going to need to douse your whole head with baby oil, take a hot as a shower as you can stand, and then rinse out the baby oil and then wash your hair like six times with Dawn soap, and every bottle of shampoo in your shower.
And on another note: Biotin!! Great product, said to help you grow your hair long and luxurious....So I've been taking that stuff religiously.
What they don't tell you is that it also grows your leg hair and your armpit hair super fast! So here I am yesterday, legs like THIS:
armpit hair growing before my very eyes:
and hair on my head that looks like THIS:
How is it that every time I try to get ahead,
I get A HEAD full of mishap?!
I think once again, if you look up the word HAPHAZARDLY in the dictionary,
I swear there's a picture of me as the definition.
I will prevail, long hair will once again be mine....
which is why I bought some hair extensions....
and will have a standing apt. with my cousin Tim,
every five weeks, for the unforeseeable future.
Leaving all hair matters to the professionals!