Tales from a BookFair - Part 1:

 

Once upon a time, in a book fair not so far away....imagine if you will, me, sitting at my table, watching passersby, waiting for someone to take a look at my table, my books and decide to come and interact with me...and then two walked my way.  They were nice looking people.  A man and a woman, similar looking in size and stature.  Nice upstanding looking folks.  Both dressed in jeans and windbreaker type jackets, tidy haircuts, straightlaced looking, the kind of people who care about what they put in their bodies....you know the type, or can imagine...

So there I am, they walk up and are looking at my books and I say "Hi folks, how are you guys today....in the market for some new books?"  

[Keep in mind we're at a BOOK FAIR, so um, yeah, just call me captain obvious!]

They smile politely at me but don't really say anything.  I think to myself, maybe they are shy.  My mom is with me on this day and I look at her when they don't say anything and she looks at me with a look that says: *I don't know why they didn't respond...maybe they didn't hear you?*  So i try again, take another stab at cracking the communication code barrier that's clearly between us..."So what kind of books do you like to read?"

The nice woman replies in a soft spoken sweet voice:  "Mostly Amish."

Huh, was NOT expecting that response!  Amish books.  Can't say as I've ever read an Amish tale in my life...and the way mind mind works is it immediately jumps to a funny retort.  Let me also point out that it's funny IN MY MIND.  Something I NOW know is NOT for the general public.

Knowing the gritty, criminal type content of my book Dead in a Ditch and the even "creepier vibe" in The Ordeal, I say to them while waving my hands over my two books in front of me, "ohhhhhhhhh.....welllllllllllllll....you might not like theeeeeeeeese books, they have a lot of electricity in them."

Amish = Electricty = Amish don't use electricity = my books have a lot of edgier types of subject matter.  I didn't think I needed to explain the obvious joke, but they stood there with dead serious expressions on their faces.  Neither of them saying a single world.  Not a smirk, not a smile, not a nothing!  So I once more look at my mom and she kind of laughs a little ...clearly getting my little joke in the face of the Amish Book Reader duo before me, and she shrugs like...*don't look at me, I got the joke*

DEAD...........................SILENCE.......................CONTINUES.....................

So me, now super aware of the now awkward silence of my little joke bouncing off their teflon-non-stick exteriors, I quickly move to fill the dead air.  I wave my hands over to my little sign announcing the soon-to-be-arriving new novel, "The Accident" and say "Howwwwwwwwever, if these books aren't your type of stories, perhaps my new novel will be of more interest to you."  then I explain that we were taking emails and names for when the new book comes out to notify them that it's available for purchase and they both crinkle their noses at me as if I farted in both their faces, and shook their heads in a solid and resounding  "NO." and walked away without another word.

AMISH BOOKS - ELECTRICITY...C'mon that was a funny joke (I thought so anyway)...they however did NOT find me amusing in the slightest.

I look at my mom like, "What the heck was that?" and she's rolling laughing, tears in her eyes she's laughing at how miserably I had just FAILED at making a sale, or even a connection...hell, i wouldn't even call what we had a conversation!

"Well, THAT didn't go over well!" I say to my mom with wide eyes and a look of disbelief at just how badly I'd just fallen on my face.  She's still laughing and says "Well, I just don't think they were your target audience."  As mom's do when their babies fail miserably right in front of them....they just try to give a reassuring nod, smile or shoulder squeeze that says, you don't suck, those people do.

So a big thanks to my mother, who we all call "Momma K" for not only witnessing my terrible failed attempt at humor with some fellow human beings, but for giving me the ole "I thought it was funny" and dusting me off and giving me the support to try again, do better with the next person who came to our table.

{My Biggest Supporter:  Momma K"}

Needless to say, lesson learned, NO MORE ELECTRICTY JOKES.  Keep the inside voices INSIDE my head.  LESSON LEARNED!  The hard way...as all my lessons typically are.

Being an Author isn't just words on paper!  I'm better at a keyboard than in real life I think.

What do you think of my new sign for my booth table?  Warning!  Electricity, stay back!  Bad jokes aplenty.  Walk away now!  Before it's too late!

To the Amish Book lovers out there, I'm sorry!  I meant no disrespect.  

*Heather Lynn*

and just because I can't help myself...I will leave you with this: