Good Intentions:

 

 

I don't know where this week's gone.....I had such great intentions to finish book #3 while Jerimy was out of town for schooling, but somewhere between feeding the ferret, the turtle, Easton, the dog, doing the dishes, going to the Dr., and to the grocery store and finally getting a hair cut....I dont' know where all the time went....

 

One minute I was carrying my laptop in the front door on Sunday, preparing for my 4 days of writing and dedication, the next, my laptop was buried under a pile of clothes on Jerimy's bedroom floor and it was already Thursday and Jerimy was bursting in the front door and I was hugging him like I hadn't seen in in years instead of days!

 

Good intentions.....I so had them.

 

Perhaps this weekend shall be my new goal.

 

Something I'm really excited about.....I have a new reader...not of this blog, but of my books.  Her name is Stacy, and she's a family member of one of my family members, and boy let me tell you, she's a real pistol this one.  I liked her immediately last year when at my cousin's child's birthday, she showed some....we'll call it "color"....and man I wasn't sure if I loved her, or should fear her......and you know me, I'm more about the love, so I kinda just thought, secretly to myself, I think she's pretty neat.....I like her "gruff gusto" as I call it.  She's very outwardly abrasive.....but yet jolly and totally lovable....and people, let me tell you, abrasive and jolly....are fairly opposite.  TO HAVE "gruff gusto" is a rare quality and a total contradiction, and for some reason, Stacy is the best of the gruff, and the jolliest in the gusto.  She's outspoken and let me tell you, this girl, oh, she doesn't sugar coat things, she is a tell it like it is, if you don't like it, tough! kind of person, so I thought to myself, as did Rachel....if there were anyone who would read my books and tell me that they suck, (if that's what her opinion was) it would be Stace.  She would rip me apart on storyline issues, she would tell me if a character sounds cheesy or hokey, if anyone would tell me straight up and gut-wrenching-ly honest if there were flaws in my book, I could count on her obscene sense of honesty and extreme avid reading experience to come through with flying colors.

 

At our most recent family shared function, we got to talking to Stacy about my books and we (Rach and I) mentioned something to her about reading "Book #1"...and she said she'd take a look and let me know her opinion.... *GULPS*....I was excited to have a reviewer who I knew wouldn't love my book just because they loved me.....and I knew she wouldn't be "AFRAID" to hurt my feelings, or ruin our friendship....Stacy could be counted on 100% to be unbiased and completely matter-of-fact about my writing ability, my story line....the whole deal.

 

This is where I said a prayer, or twenty...."please don't let her hate the book, please don't let her hate the book!"....and when I got to my computer the next day, I took a deep breath, and sent her the book.

 

It was a weekday, and by the end of my workday, she'd finished it.  To my surprise, she really did just tear right through it.

 

The entire day, I got little texts from her with her thoughts on this or that, and to my amazement, she actually said she LOVED it!!  Not liked it, LOVED it.  Can you believe it, this avid outspoken, not related to me person, LOVED my book!  *crinkles nose, smiles and looks mystified*....

 

OH, i was so relieved of course, I felt like I was on stage naked in front of my classmates....waiting for someone to relieve me of the embarrassment I was sure to endure should I move my hand/arm from covering my breasts, or my other hand from covering my lady parts.....so you can imagine how this hypothetical scenario changed when I started getting the texts and she wasn't telling me that my book was a rotten.

 

Those texts from her were like music and a stripper pole to my mental naked fear scenario...instead of slinking off the stage awkwardly as I was afraid I'd wind up doing.....her words of positivity where the music.....so I took my hands down, then threw em' up in the air danced naked and said "wooohoooo" and then for good measure, hopped on the stripper pole and took a swing around not caring about who saw.  That's the kind of high you get when someone looks at something that is a little piece of your heart and soul, and they say, "hey kid, I like what you got going on here"...

 

I also want to send a very special thank you to Andrea, Diane, Deborah, Angie, Ann, Ryan, and Michelle and Jess, and Jen, and Lisa, and my mother, and Chris M. and Jerimy, and Roger, and to all of you who read my book and encouraged me to keep writing.  I can't tell you how much my little and sometimes fragile naked ego appreciates your support and love.  You all mean the world to me....I hope you know that.

 

Anyway, I must now take my leave, work waits for no woman....and mine is stacking up and I really must tackle it head on today.......MUST CLEAR OFF DESK AT WORK.....motivation is not always my strong suit.....but then again, if you're reading this, you know me and likely know this about me! *laughs*

 

Hope you all have a wonderful Friday, the sun is supposed to come out here in NW Ohio today.....THANK GOD.  Jerimy says it's because he's home from Chicago....while I'm inclined to believe him, because he is such a big source of brightness and warmth in my life, I doubt he can take credit for mother nature's life's work, but I smile, and let him believe the sun follows him around if it makes him happy.  After all, he is sunshine to me.....

this kind

makes you feel sunny on the inside doesn it?

It does me anyway....

 

 

Bask in my Sunshine my friends, just don't tell Jerimy I shared him with you!

*winks*

 

Hugs and Luv,

~Heather Lynn~

It's a sad day....

 

Its never easy to say goodbye, and to express my sincere and utter heartbreak that I feel in this moment is hard as well.  I got the news this morning before I was even out of bed, that my Aunt Mary had lost her battle with cancer.  And it shook me.  For weeks now, my mind's been saying over and over...all the time, just like a song stuck in my head "Life is short, but sweet for certain".....over and over and over again it played in my head, in my mind, I thought perhaps that "I" was dying, and my brain was telling me to enjoy every moment I have left, but perhaps it wasn't about me (as so many times we think it's about us)....

With a heavy heart I just wanted to write a little something....I'm sure I'll write something better later, but right now, all I can muster is a nice video, and much sadness and loss.

Prayers to my cousins Sue and Keith who have lost their mother, prayers to my Uncle Floyd who lost his redheaded partner in life....(and everyone knows, red headed partners are more fun than a bucket of monkeys!)....and to the grandkids and brothers and sisters....today, we are all in mourning.

Aunt Mary, I have always and will always love you with all of my earthly capacity.  There's no way you're not in heaven with my grandpa Rollie, David Hendricks my friend from high school, Travis Tippie, the boy I used to make out with while I babysat for my cousin Terrie's kids, my Grandpa Red, Mary's Dad, my Aunt Deb Blockberger, Uncle "Slick" Mueller....and to all of those who have gone before.....which by the way Aunt Mary, I personally asked Travis to look out for you up there....and if I know him, and I'm pretty sure I do, there's no way he's not at the front of the line to greet you.....with that really big grin of his....

I can just close my eyes and see the two of you smiling at each other now.

Can't you see it too?  Heaven just got warmer....brighter.....happier with these two together.

No matter how sad the loss here on earth, I know that she's in darn good company where she's at.  A place where cancer has no place....

Bodies die, souls live on....I have to believe that....that from the ashes we rise.....and we live on forever through those who love us, through the memories we leave...and in the end, with God, who I believe created us to be mortal, so eventually, we'd all come home to him.

As for you, CANCER, I just want you to know you suck, and someday, someONE is going to defeat you, and then you'll know how this feels.  Your number will eventually be up.....KNOW that.

Heartbroken and in Mourning,

And missing my Lovely Red Headed Aunt,

~HeatherLynn~

 

FINALLY!

 

 

Since this is a "Author's Blog"....I suppose I should write about something "Author-ey".....right?

(and yes, I realize Author-ey is not a word)

 

*looks thoughtful*....

 

hmmmm.....

 

{blank}

 

this is a bad sign isn't it?!

 

Oh, well, in "writing news" I can tell you that as of like 15 minutes ago, I think I FINALLY found my ending to book #3!  And what a relief that is, because I've been beating my head against a wall trying to find "THE" ending.

 

I say "THE" ending, because not just any ending will do.....you ever read a book, and it's good, it's got you in its grip, and then, there's just this anti-climactic end that leaves you feeling like the author took a whole 60 seconds to just wrap things up in a single paragraph.  I HATE that, don't you?  It's like, seriously?  you made me read 400 pages for THAT?!?!?!

 

I can't do that to my readers...assuming that some day I have "readers"...right now I have 'friends who read"....which is great, but not the same thing as having "readers".....God bless my "friends who read though"...without them, where would I be?!?!  (seriously, thanks guys, I love you sincerely).

 

So now, now that I have the premise on how to end it, now I just have to write it.

 

The last ending I wrote, for book #2, I did in a hospital waiting room, while spending the whole day getting blood work done and a glucose test that took 3 hours to complete.....and I was amazed at just how easily THAT ending came to me....easy peezy, but no, no, no, this 3rd book-child is my problem child.  It has given me fits the entire time, demanding so much attention, behaving badly if it didn't get enough, it wasn't like "The Ordeal"...who was such a good little book-child, so easy and lovable.

 

As you can tell, I don't have kids, but I do have books, and my books are my babies, and I want to have babies to talk about like all my friends.....like normal girls my age, so I've decided to have book babies.  Someday, I hope to have pictures with them, and celebrate their birthdays and everything! *winks*  A girl can dream.....but you think a paper cut on your finger is bad......can you imagine giving BIRTH to a book.....!??!?!  OUCHEE!  That's all I'm saying.

 

And....subject change.

 

Something that I'm learning about "creative types".....we are all very sensitive about our work.  AND, from the others I've met, writers, photographers, musicians, so many are their own toughest critics.  For some reason, whatever it is we create, we somehow never fully think it's "good enough"....we always have this worry that it could be better, or that someone else could of done it better.....I know rock stars can seem very cocky.....but deep down, I bet they are also thinking about the note they didn't hit like they had in practice.....

 

My books aren't rocket science, they are just fun little reads, and I'm sure I'll always fret about them, just like a momma does with her children......hoping they do good, hoping nobody picks on them....wanting to make them the best she can....

 

I'm buzzing to the brim with anticipation now to finish book #3....now that I finally have my direction.

 

 

 

Direction....ahhhh, it's a beautiful thing.  And today, I'm sooooooo thankful for having found mine! 

 

Anticipa-torily and Inspired-ly yours,

~HeatherLynn~

 

Soul Mates:

 

Do you know this woman?

 

Have you seen her before?

 

She wasn't someone I could of picked up out of a line up either not so long ago.  I knew her name, knew her by reputation, but she wasn't a household name at my house.  Even after watching the movie based on her book in the theatre several years back, I had only thought to myself..."I should read that book someday"...someday being the main word there.  Someday has finally come as it turns out. 

 

Over the years, I've quoted this woman warmly, however, until I read the book, I didn't realize just how much I'd fall in love with her outlook, her warm and witty ability to be brutally honest about her self and her shortcomings and with her book Eat Pray Love. 

 

She's a brilliant writer, and human inside and out, even if she doesn't always know it about herself.  You cannot read her book Eat Pray Love without seeing just how genuine of a human she is....or anything she writes for that matter...

 

Anyway, the reason for today's post is this:  Elizabeth Gilbert quite possibly is my 'soul mate'....not in the sense that most people think when they think of a "Soul Mate", but by a truer definition of the word.

Her definition.

 

These are Elizabeth's definitions:

 

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life."

"A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave."

"A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master...” 

Now before you think I'm creepy stalker HeatherLynn, let me say that her insights are just too beautiful not to be moved by, her honesty and willingness to really own up to her own shortcomings is admirable....and when I meet / learn of someone of her caliber, I can't help but to be excited and honored to have made the acquaintance.

 

So last week or so, I saw that she had started a facebook page....and I was like...woohooo....!!  The idea of getting a daily dose of whatever Liz is doing or what new discovery's shes made about life, or love, or the pursuit of happiness was just a breath of fresh air to imagine getting.  I could only dream of traveling the world as she does, meeting the amazing characters she has, experimenting...learning.....for the love of all that is holy, this woman spent 4 months on the "no carb left behind" diet in ITALY!  Who here can say as much?

 

I relate so much to her writing in EPL!  In so many ways.  Get this:  Liz was the same age as I am now when she wrote the book, she was about my age when she went through her divorce, she had all the same guilty feelings about wanting a divorce, and to top it all off, EPL was published on my birthday in 2006....what a gift huh?  Think it's a coincidence? *smiles*....I'm leaning towards not.

 

2006 was also the year that I moved out of my marital home.  I hadn't even read it, but after reading it, there's a big part of me that wishes I'd of read it sooner.  However, I know that in reading it now, it finds me wiser and more mature and ready to accept some of the more deeper messages the book as to offer.  Had I read it sooner, I'd of been too grief/guilt stricken to have not have dwelt on the divorce story line and not see the other very important insights that are bigger than divorce.  As so many things are, you just can't see the forest through the trees when you're in the thick of it.  Divorce can be thick, very, very thick.

 

While I read EPL....so many times I looked at the pages at something she wrote, I found myself nodding, and sometimes jumping up and pointing and saying out loud:  "ME TOOO!!!!!!!!!" looking astonished because she literally had ripped something out of my mind, or repeated a conversation I'd had nearly word for word and it just floored me!  How could there be a person, a virtual stranger in the world so close in soul-fiber that we were nearly made of the same fabric.

 

So anyway, I befriended her on facebook and sent her a message, and to my utter delight, she responded.  I thought I'd post our exchange here, mostly because I think it's so wonderful I wanted to share, but also, because I want to keep it here, with all my other thoughts, so as to never forget the extraordinary time, I spoke with someone who could open up my mind, my heart, my soul, and to do so in print, well, does it get any better than that?

 

Here it is:

 

Ok, ok, so I might of gushed a little....

I can't help it, when someone writes a book, and there are absolute CHAPTERS that you just don't "identify with" but you feel was ripped right out of your own brain/heart....it will have a pretty lasting effect on you.  Like somehow there's this other person walking the earth, a total stranger who thinks like you, and knows your secret thoughts, but not because you told them, but because they are their secret thoughts too.  It's weird, but cool.

Aren't books wonderful?!

What would the world be like without them?

 

So Liz, if you are reading this, thank you for existing, thank you for writing Eat Pray Love, I'll forever be grateful for having read it, and I look forward to reading additional books of yours in the future. 

AFTER I FINISH MY BOOK....

A girl's got to have priorities....

To think I've been 300+ pages into this 3rd book without being able to finish it is just ridiculous....

I tell myself often "FINISH IT ALREADY SLACKER!"

I keep waiting for that to motivate me..

*laughs*

So far, NOPE!  Not an inkling of inspirational grand finale has been generated in my meager brain.

 

*raises coffee mug*

Here's to tomorrow!

I don't have writer's block,

I have "writer's would rather be doing something else syndrome"!

Do they make an app for that?

(I have a smart phone now, can ya tell?)

 

Happy Monday to you, and you, and you!

(I'm fairly certain I have 3 readers)...and to those three readers....one being my mother...

Have a wonderful start to your week

 

Happily yours,

~HeatherLynn~



Simplify:(Life + Mind) = Happy?

{I just Love Albert Einstein...wasn't he just the coolest?}

I don't know if you know this about me, but I HATE math.  I totally and unequivocally SUCK at it beyond words.  Even though here I sit trying to find the words to tell you how sucky I really am.  *shrugs*...Not only is it NOT my forte, I also have what I'm pretty sure is "Math Anxiety"....someone comes at me with a Math Problem these days, I throw my hands up in the air and say "heck I'm the worst person to ask"....but in my younger school days, when confronted with Math, my stomach would gets all queasy, palms sweaty and my head would instantly get foggy and swirling with confusion.  To me, Math is complicated, and things have to be done in a particular order, it's very structured, and perhaps that's why my mind rejects it, because my mind is far from orderly, disciplined, and certainly doesn't always come up with the correct answers.  Not in Math, and not always in life.

 

In recent research and developments and discovery of ideas and whatnot, I've heard it said that life isn't supposed to be so complicated!...ain't that the truth!?  Why IS life so complicated?  Do we make it this way?  So I want to try and do something about this:

This became clear to me as I was contemplating purchasing a new cell phone and cell phone carrier/plan.  Oh the fancy phones this world has to offer!  They talk to you, they navigate you, they entertain and keep you company.  How many times have you went to a social function where 78% of the people there aren't even talking to each other because they are on their phone's, surfing the web, texting, throwing Angry birds at things?  Pretty frequently in my experience.  Our phones are never off, away from our pockets and purses...we are chained to them like prisoners to a leg iron and ball.

 

Now don't get me wrong, I like having a phone, and technology is great.....BUT....when faced with purchasing a new phone....a "smart phone"....I really thought about it, and I don't want my phone to take up more of my life than it already does.  I don't want to be constantly checking my email.....surfing the web, googling the answer to everything I'm asked.

 

I'm at a computer all day at work, I have a laptop and a desk top at home.....why do I need ANOTHER device to distract me from really awesome things like talking to Easton....getting to hear how football practice went today, having him show me the fat lip he got.....or enjoying the dinner I cooked....without facebooking.  It's no wonder our minds are constantly OCD, the television's going, our phone's are ringing, the microwave's beeping, there's a radio blaring down the hall.....alarm clocks going off.....Is there any peace left in daily life anymore?

 {sometimes I feel like all these things are weighing over my head and are about to cave in on me}

 

And that's what the experts are saying, we are overwhelmed to the point of exhaustion in our lives these days.  Especially Americans.  Other cultures make it a point to go slowly, deliberately, stopping to smell the roses, stopping to feel the sunshine on their cheeks, working only to get to be able to relax, and enjoy life.

 

I've been thinking a lot about meditation.  I've heard a lot about it, and I find it interesting.  To sit quietly and learn to navigate your mind, the way an explorer navigated the undiscovered West back in the early days of our Country's history.

 

I want to learn to take deep breaths, and calm the buzzing insanely random thoughts that bounce around inside my head.  I want to find clarity and peace in myself.

They say that meditation, not to be confused with MEDICATION can help you with this.

 

I'm not entirely sure how one begins to get into something like this....I supposed by googling "how to learn to meditate"...which I did yesterday....it was mildly educational...but not totally fulfilling.

 

 

I'm going to continue to read up on this Meditation stuff...perhaps it would be good for me.

 

In other news, I've totally NOT worried about things for awhile now!  Isn't that fantastic.  I said I wasn't going to worry about things, and I've like.....wow, really let go of the notion that I need to.  Now, when i feel that flutter of worry down in my stomach, I just take a very deep breath, and tell myself, "Heather, m'girl, we're not doing that anymore"...and then just like that, I'm not worried.  Flutter ceases and I go about my day.  It's such a weight off my shoulder to feel like...I don't have to worry about anything.  I either do what I can to fix a problem, or I don't...there's just no good that can come from WORRYING about an issue, worrying in fact turns out to be a gigantic waste of time.  Huh, how did I not see that before?

 

In other news furthermore:  Due to my last post, something most profound happened.  I got an email from someone much wiser than me, someone who knows more, done more, been more than I have yet in this life, and this person sent me an email and gave me some scripture verses she felt I could appreciate while my heart was still open and excited about spirituality.  She said God had tapped her on the shoulder and said "Ok, you can talk to her about it now"...apparently she wanted to share some spiritual things with me previously, however bit her tongue, because she wasn't sure I was in a good place to receive it.  She was probably right of course......

So anyway, she typed up the scriptures, and they were good ones, but nothing was so good, or so profound that would top what she said to me after:

 

Here's what she said:

 

Heather, I just realized I left out the most important part of my response to your email. I forgot to say how much I enjoyed your blog and how much I'm enjoying your journey of self-discovery. You are such a sensitive and caring soul. This always comes out in your writing. I hope I didn't share too much of my faith in the last email that it might have made you uncomfortable because I would feel terrible if that was the case. Before today's blog, some of your others have been filled with the 'what ifs' in life which is why I felt God tapping on my shoulder and saying, "Share some things that will remind Heather she doesn't need to ever fear anything."


 

 I have been absolutely CRIPPLED by what'if's in my life.

And I was wound so tight to trying to keep a grip on things, so these what if's couldn't happen.

I'd worry about the what'if's.  I'd obsess about them, I'd over extend myself to try and head them off when I thought I could, I would wrap my world around these damned what'if's and they then became rooted at the very center of my being.

Like my beating heart at the core of me, there were those damned what'if's running the show, coursing through me in every fiber of my being.

DUMB, DUMB, DUMB.

How I ever let it get this bad I dont' know, but as soon as this person sent this email, as soon as I read: "doesn't need to fear anything"...It was like I was released.

I was free of fear.

God told this person to tell me it was ok to stop.

And I was like, "he's so totally got my back"....

and worry then just kinda took it's leave, fear waved goodbye, and out the door they went!

 

{it's so simple, how did I not get that before}

 

*slaps forehead*

 

See, us humans can make the most simple things complicated!

 

Lastly, I want to get rid of a bunch of stuff.  I have absolutely too much stuff!

 

I'm not a hoarder by any means, but I think that in "stuff"....less is gonna be more.

That calculator i had in college, the fancy one, I'm never going to use it again, why keep it?

That argyle sweater that I keep saying I need to have "just in case"...just in case what?  I have an argyle sweater emergency?

The Michigan State hoodie that's 2 sizes too big, that I bought in Michigan....I don't even like Michigan State, and haven't worn it in like 6 years....time to go bye bye.

 

So I'm going to (hopefully this weekend) go through my entire house, and purge.  Goodbye cluttery nick-knacks.  Goodbye rainy day wardrobe....and T-shirts I'll never wear.

 

It's time to simplify.

 

 

Here's to getting a cell phone that doesn't take me away from "living in the moment"

Here's to saying goodbye to clutter

And lastly, here's to throwing out the things I don't need,

to make plenty of room for the things that I do.

 

Yours,

~HeatherLynn~

It's been awhile....

Hello My dears,

(doesn't that make me sound like I'm 90 when I say that?  I hear my voice being all little and wobbly, like a older, futuristic version of myself....or myself as Mrs. Doubtfire)

 

 

or shall I say "Hellooooooooooooooooooooo"?!

 

I know, I know it's been awhile and I've neglected you shamelessly.

 

My apologies.

 

Today I write to you in summation of the last couple weeks.  So much has happened, I'm not sure where to start to be honest....this may be a crappy post....again, my apologies.

 

Let me first start by saying:

Women are prone to loose themselves in their relationships.

 

Not all women, and not all the time, but some women, sometimes will find themselves a little less themselves than they remember.  Especially when they are really, really in love with someone.  I know, because I am, and I have, and I did and I'm working on it.

 

In the last couple weeks, I've been working on some things like:  Working out, playing my guitar, reading things that make me think and that feed my soul, been trying to finish writing the ending for Book #3, dealing with the insurance company and nightmare that is a flooded basement.....etc, etc.

 

In short, I've been dealing with MY LIFE....with "ME" stuff.

 

Which all women need to stay on top of their "ME STUFF" because we become unhinged frazzled,  my-roots-are-showing-crazy-haired, sweat pants wearing, bags under our eyes mad women when our lives start to unravel and we can't stop it from happening.

 

I don't know about you, but I don't like to feel like my life is completely out of my control.

 

"CONTROL"

wow, now there's a concept!

 

Why is it that feeling "in control" feels so good.....

yet, when we finally let go of the death grip we have on that control, we feel sooooo much better?

 

And why is that even though we KNOW that not holding on so tight to things will help us relax and enjoy life, we continue to hold on like there's no tomorrow to this IDEA that we are in control, that we got everything handled, we're "on top" of things....

Is anyone really?

 

I'm not.

This much I know.

 

------------

 

 

 

Worrying.

 

This being something that will be the death of me if I don't stop doing.

I don't know how it happened, or exactly when it took me over, but somewhere along the way, I've become such a worry wart!

 

And folks, I hate it.

 

So I'm going to try and stop....stop "what if'ing" my life away.

How amazing would it be to just say, "goodbye worry, I'm done with you!"

 

I think it won't be easy, but I'm going to do everything in my power to stop, to make myself stop holding on so tightly to things, to stop thinking and over thinking and then thinking more about everything I am AFRAID 'MIGHT' happen.

 

If they happen, they happen, but worrying about them won't stop bad things from happening.

 

The Dalai Lama said:

 

“If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it's not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.” 

He's right of course, worrying only cripples us from doing anything constructive.....worry is an endless cycle that hurts the worrier and doesn't do a damned bit of good for the problem at hand, assuming there's even a problem to deal with as opposed to the mere possibility of a problem that hasn't even happened yet!?!

 

It's just madness I tell you...

....worrying....

 

So yeah, Hello, my name's Heather and I'm a worry-a-holic

and I'm going to try and quit.

 

----------

 

 

Health.

 

So the other day I totally thought I was going to die.

 

How scary is that right?

 

Jerimy had taken me out for breakfast at Baked to Perfection...we had a lovely breakfast him and Easton and I, and afterwards, he dropped me off at home as he was going to go home to workout.

 

Which, when you boyfriend tells you he's going to go workout, you immediately have workout guilt, and think about the dozen cookies you just bought, and think..."Yeah, yeah, I better workout too!"

So I decided I'd take a bike ride.

 

I was about two miles plus into my ride, and out on the corner of State Route 66 and I'm going to die when I realized that something was wrong.

 

I stopped pedaling, and stood still which is when I realized that my heart was beating so loud that I felt like it was going to beat right out of my chest.  I felt it pounding in my ears, my eyes were pulsing, my fingertips were pulsing, my back was pounding even.  THEN...it gets worse....I start feeling like my eyes are going black...I'm going to pass out!  So i pull myself and my bike off the road, and that's when the nausea sets in, "Oh great, now I'm going to barf AND pass out!"  I tried to steady myself, take deep slowed breaths, but my chest felt tight and I was sweating all over, and it wasn't until I squatted and put my head between my knees that I started to feel any relief.

 

It took ten minutes or so to get myself together...and I contemplated calling my mom to come and get me, but I told myself I was ok, and i would just pedal slowly back home.  Once home, my heart was once more beating like mad, I was really really hot, my chest hurt, I felt faint, so I laid down on my bed and once more tried to get myself back to good.  After about 10 to 15 minutes, things steadied, and I went from hot to cold, I covered up with my blankets and fell asleep for about an hour and woke up feeling ok.

 

This of course should be something I would normally WORRY about, but I'm trying to STOP worrying....

 

Everything always collides when you're trying to do your body good doesn't it.

 

I want to stop worrying...

I want to work out to be healthier....

so what happens...

 

I take a bike ride and have heart attack symptoms!

 

total bullshit isn't it?

 

 Yes, yes it is.

 

and lastly....

 

The Pursuit of Happiness.

 



Things that help you worry less are things that you enjoy.  Self improvement and enjoyment of one's time make me feel like my life is good.

I don't know of many of you know this, but I have a wonderful friend who lives in Rome.  Her name is Alex and she's fabulous.  Say Hello to my Alexandra the Italian:

 

{Isn't she just awesome?}

 

Anyway, My dear sweet Italian I will one day visit.  And for as long as I can remember I've wanted to go to Italy, and in knowing her, it just sweetens the pot.

 

I've wanted to learn Italian for a very long time, it's a beautiful language and honestly, how amazing would it be to speak to my friend in her native language, in one of the most beautiful languages known to man?

 

So I'm thinking about taking Italian 101 through Apollo this fall/winter.

 

And if I die of a heart attack, I'll be able to say:

 

"Ti amo, addio"

 

to my loved ones.

 

I think I want to be that cool when I go, to whisper something that sounds that lovely as my final words.

 

I want to spend my life, being a "DOER" not a "WORRIER" so I'm turning over a new leaf,

MORE FUN = LESS WORRY = SMILE OFTEN = ENJOY LIFE EVERY DAY

 

Just a few things I'm working on.

 

Yours Earnestly,

~HeatherLynn~

 

Another Reason Why I love Author Elizabeth Gilbert:

“As smoking is to the lungs, so is resentment to the soul; even one puff is bad for you.”
― Elizabeth Gilbert

 

and it's so true.

 

 

I know, because I've tasted the bitterness that is resentment.

 

I don't like it,
and I don't want to do it.

 

so I won't.

*exhales*

 

~hl~

I almost never "Hate" on people.....

I mean, I realize the world is made up of all types, and who am I to say that I'm any better than anyone else....

which leads me to this post....

Today, I want to tackle the unpleasant existence of a certain personality type that makes me cringe.  If you ever see me running like I'm on fire away from someone, you've likely witnessed me stumbling across a "One-Upper".

The "One-Upper" personality is pretty self explanatory based on name alone, it is a person who habitually, continuously and annoyingly ALWAYS is better, than you, always did it faster, bigger, better, more amazing than anything you can do, or have ever done.

Example of a conversation with an One-Upper!

-------------------

Normal Person:  "So.....I got an A on my paper in Sociology the other day, Man I totally thought I bombed it, I'm so happy I did so well on it!"

One-Upper:  "Oh, yeah, Sociology is tough, I got an A+, and the teacher even let me do extra credit bonus points, so I actually got an 110% on my paper.....It pays to go that extra step sometimes, but not like I need it, I'm on the deans list anyway...."

-----------------------

Normal Person:  "last night was my anniversary, and Jerimy got me the prettiest heart shaped diamond necklace, it's so pretty, I'm just so touched that he'd get me such a sweet and thoughtful gift"

One-Upper:  "Oh, that's pretty, diamonds could be a little bigger, see, here look at mine, these diamonds were imported straight from Antwerp, hand picked for me and then set in the setting.  I just can't get over what lengths my man will go for me.....he really does give me the world"

------------------------

A one upper won't just one-up you in good things, they will also one-up you in bad things too.  If your day was crappy, theirs was crappier, if your mom pisses you off, their mom was the meaniest mommy to ever walk the face of the earth.

No matter what you did, it's nothing compared to what they did.  And the "one-upper" just doesn't get that it's not a competition.  There is no prize for being better than anyone else.  They just do not understand the concept that people are individuals and we each are complete and separate from one another.  So even if you THINK you've done something better than someone else, that someone else is NOT YOU, perhaps you ran the race faster, but if you're a runner, and they aren't, it doesn't make you awesome, it just means you're good at this, and they are good at something else.

In my experience, the "one-upper" personality will suck the life and enthusiasm out of you faster than any other personality type.  Making everything a comparison, everything a contest.  I can handle the compulsive liars, at least their stories are usually pretty entertaining.  I can handle the fake people, who you know don't like you, but smile at you anyway...at least they are pleasant and know how to act in social settings.....but the "One-Upper"....they are just one type of person who I cannot get away from fast enough.  You one-up me, I'm going to quickly ask you "I'm sorry, do you know where the ladies room is, I had too much punch"...

So that makes me wonder....do you think they know how off putting their one-upping is?  Is it a personality flaw, or is it just a bad habit they are unaware of having?

I knew a guy once, that was so chronic, so horrifyingly a one-upper that me, who never tries to be mean to anyone, finally cracked one day and said "Ohhhhhh....yeah, right, I forgot, YOU are better at everything in any situation, at any time, anywhere....yeah, I forgot, with you, there's just no contest, you win!" and I walked away.  To this day, that guy still likely thinks I'm a B*tch....but I couldn't help it, I cracked, his epic tales of false heroism and inflated awesomeness was like nails on the chalkboard that I couldn't stand to listen to a moment longer.

Looking back on it now I think "wow, Heather....that was pretty rude"....and yeah, I admit, I was rather unpleasant, but to be around this person, it literally sucked the life right out of me.  They forced me to be fake, to roll my eyes, to feel tortured just by being in their presence....and all the while, it's plain to see that the "one-upper" is trying desperately to feel important, to shine, to be someone people admire.

But the only thing they are, is the guy/girl that everyone at a party tries to avoid.  How sad is that?  That by trying SO hard to be somebody, they become someone nobody can stand to be around.

Talk about shooting yourself in the foot socially!

I personally find that by being able to admit that you're flawed is the quickest way for people to be willing to take you for who you are.

Which brings me to one of my favorite quotes: 

"be who you say you are...and say what you feel....because those that matter, don't mind...and those that mind, don't matter!"

To all the One-Uppers out there, you don't have to be the best at everything to be lovable....actually some of the most lovable people are hopelessly average...but have warm hearts.  You don't have to jump higher, run faster, talk louder than everyone else to be someone worth talking to....sometimes the most interesting person in a room, is the one who listens to others without saying much of anything....

So in closing, if you are a one-upper, it's not too late to turn things around.....it's not too late to Not be:

 

Sincerely,

~HeatherLynn~

{If you have experience with a "one-upper" and would like to share how you have dealt with one positively, withOUT running away from them like you're on fire...please, I'd love to hear your story, feel free to leave a comment in the comment section as to your experience}

Toxic Couples:

Recently it's been brought to my attention that I have some dysfunctional couples around me.  You know the couple that fights constantly....the ones who break up a lot, on again, off again....drama drama drama...We've all seen them, hell some of us might of even BEEN IN a toxic couple-ship a time or two.  But the other day my mom told me, "you know it's not healthy to be around couples like that"....and I wondered if she were right.

Do Toxic Couples make you reflect on your own relationship, seeing how different and/or healthy yours is in comparison?

Or does the toxicity of theirs, leak over into the placid sea of your state of love w/ your significant other?

Personally, I'm a big fan of floating on the placid sea of love and tranquility.....ahhhhh....the peacefulness of it all.....shades on, floating, sipping on something fruity with an umbrella in it....

{gets lost in the visualization of that kind of paradise}

{snaps back to reality....}

And what really sucks is you want to HELP these couples, or at least help the half of the couple you consider your friend, you want to throw them a life preserver and say "GRAB HOLD, I"LL PULL YOU OUT!", but we all know, that if there's one thing the toxic relationship does, it sucks you in and in and in until you feel like you can't get out.

And then suddenly, THEIR relationship is frustrating YOU, and you're not even the one in the relationship!

*laughs*

Isn't it funny how that happens?

Personally, I think the toxic relationships of others, can do a couple things for healthy couples who love each other......they can listen to the toxic relationship woes of others, take it in, give thanks that THEIR significant other doesn't do this, or doesn't do that....and take comfort in the fact that no matter what problems the healthy relationship has, it isn't nothing compared to the problems of others.

OR

The toxic relationships of others can cause waves into a healthy relationships placid sea by being a constant negative vibe buzzing around the healthy couple.  Causing irritability, and putting ideas of negativity towards relationships, the opposite sex, bringing up feelings of discontent to the forefront of our minds....since most people will advise the toxic couple to go their separate ways, saying that no relationship is worth that amount of misery to continue on with....the person giving that advice inadvertently has to think about what relationships are worth.....

I'm curious as to your thoughts....do you think the relationships of others distract you in your own relationships, add negativity and discontent, or do you think their drama, their dysfunction reaffirms the good aspects in your relationship that theirs lacks?

Or is it as simple as "Are you a glass half empty, or glass full kind of person?"  Do optimistic people take the toxic couple and say "whew, could be worse, we could be like them", while the negative personality person says, "We're probably going to wind up just like them one day....."

I tend to be glass half full kind of person myself, so when I approach the toxic couple situation, I think the MOST important thing is to KEEP a healthy distance from THEIR drama, know the difference between theirs and yours, learn how to put down the "fixitstick" and try to not insert ourselves into the middle of other people's problems, when clearly the problem cannot be solved by an outside person.  And us running interference in the middle only muddies the already murky water.  Sometimes the best thing you can do is just be there to listen....and then forget about it.

So many times we think we can save someone....when really, the only person who can, is them.  Too many people are sinking....and we throw out our live preservers to those people, but the one thing you can't do, is make them grab on.

yet we still throw the life ring...*shrugs*....we're human, it's what we do.

For top of the food chain, we aren't always the brightest!

*winks*

A good heart filled with good intentions can be as big of a blessing as it can sometimes be a curse.

Thoughtfully yours,

~HeatherLynn~

Ut-Oh

Last night I decided to dye my hair a new color, it was called "Dark Burgundy" on the front of the box.  As I was mid-dye, I see the top of the box says it's called "black cherry"....hmmmm..."black?"  That was the first point I got worried on how things would turn out.

{it was supposed to be this color}

But I was patient, I watched Crocodile Dundee on AMC with my momma while I waited the 25 minutes for the color to process....I took a shower, and blow dried my hair and stood speechless in the mirror at my purple/black hair.

{it turned out THIS color}

"HOLY MOSES!" I believe were my exact words as I stood there trying to believe my eyes.

This morning, I woke up in my bed, which is a rarity in and of itself, normally I wake up in Jerimy's....which I really must tell you, "the best way of waking up is NOT Folgers in your cup"...it's waking up next to the person you adore!  :)  I swung my legs over the edge of the bed, put my feet on the floor, and as I walked past my dresser mirror, I stopped, I backed up, and I was like...."WHAT THE....??"  I freaked myself out...I'd forgotten that I'd died my hair to look like my dark evil twin from an alternate universe! *smiles*

It's pretty bad when you scare yourself in the morning!

It's raining....and dreary outside, I guess, dark gloomy hair can stay for today....

Tomorrow....well, it's anyone's guess.

I used to think I was only a disaster in the kitchen....

I think we can add hair dye mishaps to my list of things I'm good at now too!

Dark & Mysterious

Evil Twin,

~Heather Lynn~

Bitter Beer Face:

Does anyone Else make THIS FACE when they drink a 5 hour Energy shot?

Cause this was sooooooo me two minutes ago.

I couldn't help it!

My apologies to anyone who saw me and who I may of indirectly frightened.

You'd think for $3/shot, they could make em taste even remotely better!

~Heather Lynn~

The things we do for Beauty:

I think that I might of been a beautician in another life....because I just love all things hair.  A great new hair cut, hair colors, crazy new styles, trying to replicate old vintage styles, and I especially love finding out some "trick of the trade" that gets me a style I could never figure out before....like today for example....

I never thought in a million years that'd cut the toe off of a random mate-less sock and wear it in my HAIR!  yeah, you heard me right!  Right now, as I type this, I've got a sock in my hair!

*laughs and snorts*

...how weird is that?!

But I'm telling you, if you want that big beautiful bun look you see girls sporting, and you think, wow, they must have a lot of hair...NOPE, it's just an ole tube sock!

Also, I read online that IF you want big sexy curls, you can wrap your hair when it's damp, sleep over night with the sock in place, and your hair will be curled to perfection in the morning, THIS I've got to try....somehow I think it may be too good to be true, but we'll see!  I'll let you know the results as they come in.

Happily Hairily Yours,

~Heather Lynn~

A comedy, but a unforgettable message:

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life."

 

Recently, I watched Bridesmaids, and I tell you, what a gritty, wildly insane one minute, but down right poignant the next movie it is!

My absolute favorite part of the movie is this:

Talk about right on the money!  So many people ACCEPT their crummy lives, plop on the couch and say, this is my life, let me wallow in the misery of it....oblivious to the mirror standing in front of them (in this case Megan) trying to show Annie how she looks.  Sometimes we need someone to smack the hell outta of us to make us fight instead of wallow.

I remember a time, a long time ago, when it felt like EVERYTHING was wrong.  I was barely living....I went to work, came home, crawled into bed and pulled the covers over my head and just couldn't seem to do much else.  Life as I knew it was disintegrating, my parents were getting divorced, and not just any old divorce, but like horribly, my life wasn't turning out like I'd thought....and I, like Annie here, was just sitting in the mess, no longer trying, I was just existing among the pieces of what I believed to be my shattered life.  Until Amber Kimmet (Kruse) forced me out of it.  She didn't smack me in the face, or bite my butt like Megan did to Annie, but she did tell me how it was, and tell me that it wasn't ok, what I was doing....pulling away, falling apart, she simply just couldn't allow me to do it anymore, and she told me truthfully, with concern, but also with brutal honesty, that what I was doing, it wasn't cool.  And I've always thought to myself, that she sure must of really loved me to be willing to put the boots on, get right down in the muck with me and pull me the hell out of it.  But Amber did, and I always think about that when I think of her, she was a bright spot in a very dark time.


There's a saying:

 

At this time, I just want to say thank you to ALL the mirrors in my life (you guys sure know who you are), the people who have loved me THROUGH everything I've ever had happen to me.  For not letting me get to the point where I find myself looking into the face of a friend and complaining that I don't have any friends.....

Friends are an unbelievable gift, that I truly DO NOT know how people get through life without them.  I can't imagine where I'd be without mine, my mirrors.

God bless em for nobody else in the world would have no problem saying "Annie, you're an asshole!"....*laughs* and still love you even though you are one!

The people who fight with you....so often times are the ones who fight FOR you.

And THANK GOD for that.

You know something else about mirrors, if you shine a light into one, that light shines back out, so if you haven't brightened the day of one of your pals, take a minute, and give em a shout out....we're all pains in the asses sometimes, so it's really nice when you can shine light into the person who so many times, has shared THEIR light with you when you were running low on your own.

With much Gratitude,

~Heather Lynn~

Here's a Thought...or Twelve.

Well my lovelies, what shall we talk about today?

Chick-fil-A?

the fact that I'm thinking perhaps I'm un-American because I watch old episodes of Grey's Anatomy instead of the Olympics....

or....

Lets see...what else is there....

Something I've been thinking a lot about lately is "keeping things simple".....

Sounds easy right, but we humans are just too damned complicated for our own good sometimes aren't we?!

We make mountains out of molehills, we let our emotions get the best of us, and holy moses, our tempers can flare sometimes just because we're hungry, or the humidity's making us "sticky".  We ARE temperamental creatures.

Recently, I was totally holding on to some things that I knew I shouldn't, I kept telling myself, SHUT UP, GET OVER IT ALREADY!!, but there it was, continuing to eat at me and eat at me until I finally unloaded on someone close to me, and man, I tell you, when I heard my whining and complaining and expression of discontent pouring out of my mouth, I was like..."HOLY CRAP, Heather, Would you listen to yourself!?!"

The person I shared my discontent with was of course like "wow, you seem really angry!"  and I was like..."I guess I kinda am!"

My friend was like..."do you want me to.....{insert helpful solution here}...and I was like ..."No...no, it's fine"

And my friend was like "you don't seem like it's fine....."  and of course she was right, in the moment of all of my angst runneth over, I wasn't fine....but once I was done with telling her everything, and she offered to try and help me...I was like..."Nah, you already have....I guess I just needed to say it out loud".  Be vulnerable.  Ever notice how hard that is, to just really be vulnerable and let someone see your insides when they are ugly?  But, once it was out....I felt amazingly better.  My "issue" really wasn't an issue anymore.

Isn't that funny how something so simple, like um, just talking shrinks a mountain into a molehill once again?  I'm convinced that communication is the gateway to wherever you want to go.

But back to keeping it simple....why do we make things so complicated?  Why do we put so much time and effort worrying, bottling things up......?

My good and amazing friend Donna has really been a Godsend to me here lately, I'm a worrier by nature, it's in my DNA, no kidding, I got the worrying gene....and the more I love something, the more important something or someONE is to me, the more I worry about it, the more I worry, the more unstable my emotional state is.  Sure, I've had 34 years of learning how to keep it together at work, in social settings, but you put me alone in bed at night, in my car, in the shower...those moments when nobody's watching, nobody's around....and BAM!  It's like worry fest!  There have been times when the only thing I know to do is to drown OUT the sounds in my head...play loud music, run a belt sander...WRITE, something...anything to escape the reality of the state of my mind!

I swear it's not my intention to be neurotic, and all garbled up by an overactive melon....I think it's just how I'm wired....but what's really interesting about that is that we really do have the ability to be our own electricians.  If you're wired wrong like I am, there's hope.....grab a handful of these:

and get tweaking!  That's tweaking, not tweeting!  Stay with me.....don't open Twitter....if you did, go ahead and close that window now, okay?!  Ok, good.  Now that you're back....

I want to share with you the following quotes:

“There is so much about my fate that I cannot control, but other things do fall under the jurisdiction. I can decide how I spend my time, whom I interact with, whom I share my body and life and money and energy with. I can select what I can read and eat and study. I can choose how I'm going to regard unfortunate circumstances in my life-whether I will see them as curses or opportunities. I can choose my words and the tone of voice in which I speak to others. And most of all, I can choose my thoughts.” 

“You need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select your clothes every day. This is a power you can cultivate. If you want to control things in your life so bad, work on the mind. That's the only thing you should be trying to control.” 

Isn't that something....the idea that THOUGHTS are ours, and damnit if we want, we can learn to control them, instead of them controlling us?!  How amazing is that?!

Elizabeth Gilbert said those things in her book and the Movie "Eat Pray Love"....and while many people did not particularly care for that movie, I've always appreciated it for what it was....maybe not a blockbuster to many, but it packed a punch, right in the gut and right in the forehead on how to deal with yourself, when you're kinda ugly or messed up inside.  We're all that sometimes aren't we?  Reckless.....lost, worried, disappointed, overly analytical?!  Maybe you're not, but I totally can be.  Like for instance, I have a really bad habit of being totally self destructive...when my head's a mess, it's my natural tendency to make my body feel as bad....I smoke cigarettes like it's my job, I can't eat, I can't sleep, pretty soon, my outsides start to resemble my insides and I'm not only half a mess, Oh, I'm a whole mess!  Why on earth does that ever seem like a good idea to do to oneself? 

When you can figure out how to "keep it simple".....I think you get this really awesome thing called "peace"...not "world peace", not a "piece of the pie"...or "a piece"...(which I will say, DOES help calm that mind RIGHT on down, I recommend this, use as needed)....but the kind of peace that gives you calm.  And that calm takes hold and pushes out the nervousness, the jittery worries of things you have no real hope of changing anyhow, and yet we worry.....

Why couldn't I have been born zen?! *laughs*....I think sometimes the most I know actually ABOUT Zen, is how to spell it.  It is spelled Z-E-N isn't it?

I guess if my mind wasn't a bucket of random thoughts and roller coaster emotions.....I'd likely log in here to post simple sentiments of harmony and tranquility.....and we all know, that stuff might fly in the self help aisle, but fiction....to write fiction, you gotta be a little whacked out at times! *smirks*

So what this whole random rambling comes down to is that in life, when the tidal wave of whatever's bugging you starts to wash your rational self away....I tell myself, and you.....try to "Keep it simple"....and to "just keep swimming..." if you can do that, you'll never drown.

Happy Thursday to you and yours,

~Heather Lynn~