I've been having a bad week:

So I've been having a really bad week....and I've been pretty down in the dumps, so bad in fact that the majority of country songs make me "ugly" cry....(This morning it was "Fancy" by Reba McIntyre"  What can I say, I'm just outta sorts.

I like to watch a lil TV before I go to bed when I want to get my mind off things that are bothering me, and this week, I turned on the TV and it was the discovery channel and it was all about the "Great Barrier Reef".  I find watching fishies and the lovely blues of the water to be soothing, so I laid the remote down and began my nightly bedtime ritual.  Brushed my teeth, took off my make up, took my liver vitamins and such, slid into my jammies, I climbed into bed and at that moment, on my TV, it was showing a sea cucumber going about it's business on the sea bottom.

They are strange creatures.  So Sea Cucumbers go along the sea bottom and basically serve as a sand filter.  They suck up the sand and whatever it contains and they take out anything that is edible out of the sand, and then poops out the rest.  

I thought about that and was like.....I feel like that somedays, like I'm just crawling along, sucking up whatever's there (drama, death in the family, chores, etc., "just suck it up" I tell myself....so I, like the sea cucumber, suck the up the dirty sand, hoping to find something good in it.

....but then it gets worse.  Then comes the pearl fish.  The pearl fish likes to use sea cucumbers.  They are just like whatever's bothering you.  The Pearl Fish swims up and into the Sea Cucumber's ANUS, and hides out there to avoid predators!  let me repeat that, this FISH, SWIMS UP A SEA CUCUMBER'S ASSHOLE and makes it his home.  Leaves me wondering, what on earth did the sea cucumber ever do to deserve to be anally taken advantage of like that?

So, there I was, sitting in bed, my boy George" curled up along my side snoring, in shock and horror as this pearl fish pokes it's head outta the sea cucumbers bum....and think...."Things could be worse Heather.  You could have a fish swim up your butthole and LIVE there!"

GROSS!!!!!

So folks, the moral of the story is:  Don't let your troubles take up residency inside of you....you aren't a sea cucumber!  Your ass is NO SAFE HAVEN for your troubles.  Let that "shit" go!  The sooner the better!!

Luvin the Discovery Channel for it's brutal wisdom brought directly from the Animal Kingdom,

~HeatherLynn~

PS - Kind of gives new meaning to the ole expression of "Oh Blow it out your butt!" doesn't it?

Thou Shalt Not Litter...& Uncle Dan

I have an ex boyfriend.....we shall call him CC.  Now CC was 10 years older than myself at the time we were dating.  So you know, at 28, he was considered an adult.

One night after he came to see me at my mom and dad's place (where I was living at the time), apparently he stopped on the side of the road to "take a piss", and while he was doing that, he saw some boxes and some misc. garbage in the bed of his truck and like the litter bug he was, he tossed them out on the roadside where he stood and peed.

When he called me later that evening, he was really wound up, and he told me the tale of how he had stopped to piss, and then he was chased by this crazy man who chased him at high speeds all the way to Kalida!  He said this insane man gave chase, and was relentless in his pursuit.  CC was like....Heather this man wasn't going to give up, so finally, I stopped my truck and jumped out into the roadway, threw my hands in the air and said "WHAT!?!??!"  The man then proceeded to give him a lecture about "mother earth" and how littering is lazy, and something worthless people do.  THEN he proceeded to escort CC back to the scene of his littering crime and made him pick his trash back up, put it back in his truck and then and only then did he allow him to go on his way.

I listened to the story intently.  At "mother earth" I thought I heard something a little "Osting" about it.  But I didn't say anything.

He went on to tell me he thought the guy was going to kill him, etc.  I said, what was he driving?

He said:  "This great big ole brown bronco, the kind that the window rolled down in the back"...

I giggled, and then laughed and he was like "WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING ABOUT!??!  I COULD HAVE BEEN KILLED!!"

I stopped laughing and said, "Congrats, you've officially met, and PISSED OFF my Uncle Dan!  Christmas should be fun if you come!"

He was like "WHAT?!?!  HEATHER THAT GUY IS CRAZY!!"

{although, Barb's looking a little crazier in this picture!}

And I said, "yeah, well, you're lucky he just made you go back and pick it up!"

Uncle Dan lived by his own set of standards.  He was absolute in his conservation of land, water and air (ok so maybe not air, as he smoked like a chimney).  He loved things NATURAL...the way they are supposed to be.  He loved the outdoors.  

He and my Uncle Ben are the ones who taught me how to goose hunt!  So many hours spent in a duck blind with those two in the wee morning hours were some of my favorite times with them.  They had a way of investing in you.  If you are even taken in under the wing of an Osting....you feel like you're pretty special!  I'm not sure why, or what it is, but it's almost like you can see their pride FOR you in their eyes.  They will also rib you endlessly if you screw something up....and pretty much reserve the right to embarrass you with said stories until you die....or in this case, until they die.

If you've never watched Second Hand Lions, do so!  And you tell me if Robert Duvall's character doesn't just just remind you of Dan right outta the gate!

Dan liked things simple.  He could have bought a new truck, but he liked driving his old one, no matter the shape it was in.  He sports a pair of shorts he wore before I was born, and he see's no reason why he wouldn't.  That's just who he was, he didn't have to have the newest of everything, and he enjoyed quality over quantity...anything worth doing, is worth doing right.  Osting's believe that, as I've heard it from all of them my whole life.

When you were with Dan, he always wanted to make sure YOU had what you needed.  Be it a drink, something to eat, a comfy chair.....he was always concerned with his guests over himself.

He was pretty rough on Aaron.....and I hated that, because I saw so much of Uncle Dan IN Aaron, it seemed ludicrous to me why he was so hard on him when he was doing everything pretty much the way Dan taught him to.  And though he didn't say it like he should have, I KNOW, the only reason he was hard on Aaron like he was; was because he wanted Aaron to not be LIKE him, he wanted Aaron to be BETTER than him.  Dan wouldn't have found that statement to be mean or insulting because he knew who he was, he was a man with talents and lived by a set of standards he could be and was proud of I'm sure....but he was the type of man who wanted this children to be successful and have everything they needed to be happy.  He would have walked over hot coals for his grandson Cody....as he was so paramount in Cody's upbringing.  He would light up when Cody and his grandson Ethan were staying the weekend.  Relationships with people were so important to him, but he didn't DEMAND your company to prove your affection like some people do, he just simply ENJOYED any company that came for a visit.

He was as stubborn as a mule sometimes....ok, most of the time....
I think he considered it part of his "charm"...

In helping Aaron with some funeral arrangements, and the unimaginable task and things one has to do in order to plan and arrange a funeral, we've spoke collectively as a family about our "dysfunctional family"....and Uncle Ben said the other day, you know, for a dysfunctional family, we're actually pretty alright!  We still...regardless of time and space, things said, feelings hurt, we at the end of the day, we show up, Osting's SHOW up for each other.  Always have, and we always will.
It will be complete and udder chaos, naturally....but we show up.

At the end of the day, I couldn't be happier to be an Osting, to be a part of this big crazy family of characters and trouble makers, story tellers and hard working honest folk.

If Dan were here to read this, he'd tell me to shut the hell up and I better NOT EVEN be putting this on Facebook.  For a man who didn't know what the hell Facebook even was, he sure hated it!!!

Truly,

Heather Lynn "OSTING" Siefker

Daniel Osting Obit

Too Short.....LIFE IS.....Too short!

Many of you know....some of you might not know yet, but my Uncle Dan was killed in a tragic house fire Thursday night/Friday morning.  And I could tell you the tragic story, I could tell you how horrific it was as we stood there, watching them carry his body out of the home after the flames were put out.  The tears that were cried, the grief we've felt....but right now I don't want to do that.  I want to tell you a story about my uncle that is one of my favorites!

Growing up on an exotic animal farm we had a couple hay fields that we would use to feed our menagerie of animals.....so as a kid, summers were often spent bailing hay, raking hay, putting hay into the hay mound...you get the picture.

Well, one of our hay fields was right next to my Uncle Dan's house.  My dad wanted me to go and rake the hay, so I rode my bike down there, parked it at my Uncle's and then got on the tractor that my dad had parked down there and I went about my business raking the hay.

While on a tractor, before ipods, and when you were too poor to own a "walkman"....you would find ways to entertain yourself.  One of the main ways of doing that was singing.  I like to sing.  And my older sister Angie (who we all know was a really bad influence on me) had recently introduced me to "Too Short", more specifically his 1989 hit, "Don't fight the feeling"....which is pretty much THE most vulgar, downright crude rap song I ever liked.  I'm not going to lie, I still kinda like this song.  The girl parts in this song are so entertaining....anyway, back to the story, so there I was singing my lungs out, driving the tractor, raking the hay, and I was completely in my own little world.  When I'd thoroughly finished raking, i parked the tractor, hopped down and headed for my bicycle.

Uncle Dan emerged from his garage where he'd been working on something, and called over to me, "Hey you, come here for a second"....and of course, I minded my elders and I walked over to him to see what he wanted.  Dan was very gruff, and when Dan said "Hey come here a second"....you would be about as scared as you would be curious about what you had done to warrant a talking to.

He looks me up and down with this look on his face I couldn't quite pin point and he says "What's a guy gotta do to get a channel change", confused I said "What?"  and he says, Well i was listening to you sing out there and I was wondering how I go about getting a channel change.  Didn't much care for that last one you sang."

I immediately was MORTIFIED as I recalled what song I was singing last.  TOO SHORT....Me, Jr. high schooler, white girl with NO rapping skills, a ginger to boot....and my Uncle heard every word?!?!??!  EVERY VULGAR CURSE/Word!

"You heard me?"

"Yes"

my cheeks blazed red, my heart was beating fast, my mouth dry....I couldn't find the words to try and explain my song choice.....or my filthy curse filled mouth.  Was he going to tell on me, rat me out to my dad, was an ass beating in my near future???  So many questions ran through my mind!

He just smiled and said, "Maybe something country next time....easy listening?....not a big fan of...what do you call that crap?  ....Rap??"  He turned around without saying another word and walked away to his garage.  I jumped on my banana seat huffy bike and tore outta there as fast as my legs could pedal.

Uncle Dan was a man of few words MOST of the time, and then every once in a great while, you'd catch him in a chatty mood and he'd talk your ear off! lol

Not too long ago, I came out to visit him, and he was watching some Clint Eastwood marathon on tv.  Not sure which movie it was, but I told him I'd never seen it, and then he began asking me things like "You've never seen this movie?  What were you, living under a rock your whole life, HOW have you never seen this?  I was like, "This movie came out before I was even born, how the hell should I know?!"  He liked to pick!  He liked to get a rise out of people he liked.  I'd like to think he liked me.  He was gruff, and rough around the edges, but he was soft and sweet when nobody was looking.

My Uncle Dan had THE SAME green terry cloth shorts he wore in the 70's...and sometimes you'd catch him in them (present day)....and you'd wonder how a garment could have that kind of lifespan.

After his 4-wheeler accident, he sat in his chair and watched CNN like it was his job, he was always "in the know" and would always ask:  "Did you see......[insert whatever the big news story was at the time]?  He was genuinely concerned for others, for our country, and about the world his grandkids would grow up in.

He was a private man, he never felt the need to fill silence with a bunch of chatter, and he once described croutons as a SENSELESS food.  He got offended by croutons, yet could listen to a pre-teen sing TOO SHORT at the top of her lungs and find it amusing!  He was really something.  I wish he were still with us.  I cry every time I think about him not being there, the hard times he's not going to give me anymore....

In closing, I'm going to leave you with the lyrics to "TOO SHORT" so you can truly appreciate what it must have been like for him to hear his 12 year old niece who normally would seem pretty sweet and mildly still innocent...spewing profanities and vulgarity!

This one's for you Uncle Snuggles!
I love you, I miss you and I'll never forget you!

1952 - 2017

{do not read below this line if you are easily offended by profanity and vulgarity! lol}
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Don't Fight The Feeling:

[Intro: Too Short]
Say ho
Yeah you
Can I ask you a question?
You like to fuck?
Oh, you don’t want me to talk to you like that?
Would you like to make love?

[Verse 1: Too $hort]
I saw you walking down the street, and I had to stop
Turn up the radio and drop the top
I see you look so good, and you’re so fine
Young tender, would you be mine
I get you in my car, drive you to my house
Cuz I’m a mack, I cold turn you out
I won't ask, and I sure won’t beg
Reach right over and rub your leg
I let my hand slide between your miniskirt
Slip a finger in your panties, straight go to work
What time is it? Don’t watch the clock
Lay back baby doll and I’ll rock the cock
Funky Fresh I am, and I always can, Freak Nasty
I’m the man
I take you out to the finest restaurant
Buy you any damn thing that you want
You want flowers? I’ll buy your ass a rose
But later on you’re coming off with them pantyhose
You want gold, girl what’s next
Its me and you, doing the sex
So now you know I’m just a freak
Give it up baby, I can’t wait two weeks
I want it all, Don’t say I won't
Get it girl, now I’m telling you don’t

[Verse 2: Entice and Barbie of The Danger Zone]
Nigga please, you provoke no feeling
You must of forgot, the girls of whom you're dealing
We haven't the urge, to get busy
Like those dizy lizys, who used to dance for you, your through
I can't put it more blunt, your vocab is restricted
You're addicted, to the words you inflicted
Time after time, line after line
Talking bout the bitches that are on your mind
Do they call you $hort because of your height or your width?
Diss me boy, I'll hang your balls from a cliff
Wrapped around a slinky, your a dinky
It's an easy task, to the corner cause the curb didn't want your ass
Your name is yuck mouth, you don't brush
Gotta cover your mouth like this
They call you yuck mouth
You refuse to brush, no sweetheart you can keep that kiss
Your a freak with no tale
You have no ass, class,you can't pass, your simply trash
Your a typical nigga, the kind you don't take home
This is Entyce and Barbie from the Danger Zone
Like a short dogg that carries fleas
You make my ass itch, twitch, don't you wish you could scratch it
And grab it like you want it
The name fits cause your all up on it...

[Verse 3: Too $hort]
Get mad if you want, I won't front
When it's time to hump, won't be no punk
Roll your ass over and tap the butt
Too $hort baby all in them guts
I'm not your ABC, from the alphabet
Every letter I'll write'll get your pussy wet
It's just a freaky note, from me to you
At the bottom I signed it Playboy II
I'm a player, bitch, I thought you knew
Like every other nigga in my crew
I bump hoes, now it's your turn
Tell me young tender when will you learn
I cold mack like pimps you know
Won't sell you dope or sell you blow
Just your average everyday straight bump up bitch
My gold rings come from spitz
Look baby, You know what I want
Your acting like it's that time of the month
Are you bleeding, can't think about sex
Irritated by your Kotex
We don't need to kiss, we don't have to fuck
I'll pull out my dick bitch, you can suck
Now here, don't say I won't
Get it girl, now I'm telling you don't...