I almost never "Hate" on people.....

I mean, I realize the world is made up of all types, and who am I to say that I'm any better than anyone else....

which leads me to this post....

Today, I want to tackle the unpleasant existence of a certain personality type that makes me cringe.  If you ever see me running like I'm on fire away from someone, you've likely witnessed me stumbling across a "One-Upper".

The "One-Upper" personality is pretty self explanatory based on name alone, it is a person who habitually, continuously and annoyingly ALWAYS is better, than you, always did it faster, bigger, better, more amazing than anything you can do, or have ever done.

Example of a conversation with an One-Upper!

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Normal Person:  "So.....I got an A on my paper in Sociology the other day, Man I totally thought I bombed it, I'm so happy I did so well on it!"

One-Upper:  "Oh, yeah, Sociology is tough, I got an A+, and the teacher even let me do extra credit bonus points, so I actually got an 110% on my paper.....It pays to go that extra step sometimes, but not like I need it, I'm on the deans list anyway...."

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Normal Person:  "last night was my anniversary, and Jerimy got me the prettiest heart shaped diamond necklace, it's so pretty, I'm just so touched that he'd get me such a sweet and thoughtful gift"

One-Upper:  "Oh, that's pretty, diamonds could be a little bigger, see, here look at mine, these diamonds were imported straight from Antwerp, hand picked for me and then set in the setting.  I just can't get over what lengths my man will go for me.....he really does give me the world"

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A one upper won't just one-up you in good things, they will also one-up you in bad things too.  If your day was crappy, theirs was crappier, if your mom pisses you off, their mom was the meaniest mommy to ever walk the face of the earth.

No matter what you did, it's nothing compared to what they did.  And the "one-upper" just doesn't get that it's not a competition.  There is no prize for being better than anyone else.  They just do not understand the concept that people are individuals and we each are complete and separate from one another.  So even if you THINK you've done something better than someone else, that someone else is NOT YOU, perhaps you ran the race faster, but if you're a runner, and they aren't, it doesn't make you awesome, it just means you're good at this, and they are good at something else.

In my experience, the "one-upper" personality will suck the life and enthusiasm out of you faster than any other personality type.  Making everything a comparison, everything a contest.  I can handle the compulsive liars, at least their stories are usually pretty entertaining.  I can handle the fake people, who you know don't like you, but smile at you anyway...at least they are pleasant and know how to act in social settings.....but the "One-Upper"....they are just one type of person who I cannot get away from fast enough.  You one-up me, I'm going to quickly ask you "I'm sorry, do you know where the ladies room is, I had too much punch"...

So that makes me wonder....do you think they know how off putting their one-upping is?  Is it a personality flaw, or is it just a bad habit they are unaware of having?

I knew a guy once, that was so chronic, so horrifyingly a one-upper that me, who never tries to be mean to anyone, finally cracked one day and said "Ohhhhhh....yeah, right, I forgot, YOU are better at everything in any situation, at any time, anywhere....yeah, I forgot, with you, there's just no contest, you win!" and I walked away.  To this day, that guy still likely thinks I'm a B*tch....but I couldn't help it, I cracked, his epic tales of false heroism and inflated awesomeness was like nails on the chalkboard that I couldn't stand to listen to a moment longer.

Looking back on it now I think "wow, Heather....that was pretty rude"....and yeah, I admit, I was rather unpleasant, but to be around this person, it literally sucked the life right out of me.  They forced me to be fake, to roll my eyes, to feel tortured just by being in their presence....and all the while, it's plain to see that the "one-upper" is trying desperately to feel important, to shine, to be someone people admire.

But the only thing they are, is the guy/girl that everyone at a party tries to avoid.  How sad is that?  That by trying SO hard to be somebody, they become someone nobody can stand to be around.

Talk about shooting yourself in the foot socially!

I personally find that by being able to admit that you're flawed is the quickest way for people to be willing to take you for who you are.

Which brings me to one of my favorite quotes: 

"be who you say you are...and say what you feel....because those that matter, don't mind...and those that mind, don't matter!"

To all the One-Uppers out there, you don't have to be the best at everything to be lovable....actually some of the most lovable people are hopelessly average...but have warm hearts.  You don't have to jump higher, run faster, talk louder than everyone else to be someone worth talking to....sometimes the most interesting person in a room, is the one who listens to others without saying much of anything....

So in closing, if you are a one-upper, it's not too late to turn things around.....it's not too late to Not be:

 

Sincerely,

~HeatherLynn~

{If you have experience with a "one-upper" and would like to share how you have dealt with one positively, withOUT running away from them like you're on fire...please, I'd love to hear your story, feel free to leave a comment in the comment section as to your experience}