It's been awhile....

Hello My dears,

(doesn't that make me sound like I'm 90 when I say that?  I hear my voice being all little and wobbly, like a older, futuristic version of myself....or myself as Mrs. Doubtfire)

 

 

or shall I say "Hellooooooooooooooooooooo"?!

 

I know, I know it's been awhile and I've neglected you shamelessly.

 

My apologies.

 

Today I write to you in summation of the last couple weeks.  So much has happened, I'm not sure where to start to be honest....this may be a crappy post....again, my apologies.

 

Let me first start by saying:

Women are prone to loose themselves in their relationships.

 

Not all women, and not all the time, but some women, sometimes will find themselves a little less themselves than they remember.  Especially when they are really, really in love with someone.  I know, because I am, and I have, and I did and I'm working on it.

 

In the last couple weeks, I've been working on some things like:  Working out, playing my guitar, reading things that make me think and that feed my soul, been trying to finish writing the ending for Book #3, dealing with the insurance company and nightmare that is a flooded basement.....etc, etc.

 

In short, I've been dealing with MY LIFE....with "ME" stuff.

 

Which all women need to stay on top of their "ME STUFF" because we become unhinged frazzled,  my-roots-are-showing-crazy-haired, sweat pants wearing, bags under our eyes mad women when our lives start to unravel and we can't stop it from happening.

 

I don't know about you, but I don't like to feel like my life is completely out of my control.

 

"CONTROL"

wow, now there's a concept!

 

Why is it that feeling "in control" feels so good.....

yet, when we finally let go of the death grip we have on that control, we feel sooooo much better?

 

And why is that even though we KNOW that not holding on so tight to things will help us relax and enjoy life, we continue to hold on like there's no tomorrow to this IDEA that we are in control, that we got everything handled, we're "on top" of things....

Is anyone really?

 

I'm not.

This much I know.

 

------------

 

 

 

Worrying.

 

This being something that will be the death of me if I don't stop doing.

I don't know how it happened, or exactly when it took me over, but somewhere along the way, I've become such a worry wart!

 

And folks, I hate it.

 

So I'm going to try and stop....stop "what if'ing" my life away.

How amazing would it be to just say, "goodbye worry, I'm done with you!"

 

I think it won't be easy, but I'm going to do everything in my power to stop, to make myself stop holding on so tightly to things, to stop thinking and over thinking and then thinking more about everything I am AFRAID 'MIGHT' happen.

 

If they happen, they happen, but worrying about them won't stop bad things from happening.

 

The Dalai Lama said:

 

“If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it's not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.” 

He's right of course, worrying only cripples us from doing anything constructive.....worry is an endless cycle that hurts the worrier and doesn't do a damned bit of good for the problem at hand, assuming there's even a problem to deal with as opposed to the mere possibility of a problem that hasn't even happened yet!?!

 

It's just madness I tell you...

....worrying....

 

So yeah, Hello, my name's Heather and I'm a worry-a-holic

and I'm going to try and quit.

 

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Health.

 

So the other day I totally thought I was going to die.

 

How scary is that right?

 

Jerimy had taken me out for breakfast at Baked to Perfection...we had a lovely breakfast him and Easton and I, and afterwards, he dropped me off at home as he was going to go home to workout.

 

Which, when you boyfriend tells you he's going to go workout, you immediately have workout guilt, and think about the dozen cookies you just bought, and think..."Yeah, yeah, I better workout too!"

So I decided I'd take a bike ride.

 

I was about two miles plus into my ride, and out on the corner of State Route 66 and I'm going to die when I realized that something was wrong.

 

I stopped pedaling, and stood still which is when I realized that my heart was beating so loud that I felt like it was going to beat right out of my chest.  I felt it pounding in my ears, my eyes were pulsing, my fingertips were pulsing, my back was pounding even.  THEN...it gets worse....I start feeling like my eyes are going black...I'm going to pass out!  So i pull myself and my bike off the road, and that's when the nausea sets in, "Oh great, now I'm going to barf AND pass out!"  I tried to steady myself, take deep slowed breaths, but my chest felt tight and I was sweating all over, and it wasn't until I squatted and put my head between my knees that I started to feel any relief.

 

It took ten minutes or so to get myself together...and I contemplated calling my mom to come and get me, but I told myself I was ok, and i would just pedal slowly back home.  Once home, my heart was once more beating like mad, I was really really hot, my chest hurt, I felt faint, so I laid down on my bed and once more tried to get myself back to good.  After about 10 to 15 minutes, things steadied, and I went from hot to cold, I covered up with my blankets and fell asleep for about an hour and woke up feeling ok.

 

This of course should be something I would normally WORRY about, but I'm trying to STOP worrying....

 

Everything always collides when you're trying to do your body good doesn't it.

 

I want to stop worrying...

I want to work out to be healthier....

so what happens...

 

I take a bike ride and have heart attack symptoms!

 

total bullshit isn't it?

 

 Yes, yes it is.

 

and lastly....

 

The Pursuit of Happiness.

 



Things that help you worry less are things that you enjoy.  Self improvement and enjoyment of one's time make me feel like my life is good.

I don't know of many of you know this, but I have a wonderful friend who lives in Rome.  Her name is Alex and she's fabulous.  Say Hello to my Alexandra the Italian:

 

{Isn't she just awesome?}

 

Anyway, My dear sweet Italian I will one day visit.  And for as long as I can remember I've wanted to go to Italy, and in knowing her, it just sweetens the pot.

 

I've wanted to learn Italian for a very long time, it's a beautiful language and honestly, how amazing would it be to speak to my friend in her native language, in one of the most beautiful languages known to man?

 

So I'm thinking about taking Italian 101 through Apollo this fall/winter.

 

And if I die of a heart attack, I'll be able to say:

 

"Ti amo, addio"

 

to my loved ones.

 

I think I want to be that cool when I go, to whisper something that sounds that lovely as my final words.

 

I want to spend my life, being a "DOER" not a "WORRIER" so I'm turning over a new leaf,

MORE FUN = LESS WORRY = SMILE OFTEN = ENJOY LIFE EVERY DAY

 

Just a few things I'm working on.

 

Yours Earnestly,

~HeatherLynn~