It's Halloween....

Happy Halloween everyone!  Hope you all enjoy a spooktacular day!

This year, my thoughts are about masks.  As kiddos are out wearing their masks, I think about the masks we adults wear....that fake smile that says "Everything's ok"....when it isn't.  That look on one's face that says they aren't mad, when their insides are probably screaming....and let us not forget about pain.  Those of us who look fine on the outside, but who are suffering with every fiber of their being on the inside.

I'm not going to lie, I'm no stranger to pain, in my childhood I experienced quite a bit of it, some of it emotional, some of it physical, but nothing compares to the pain I have now after an automobile accident I endured nearly a year ago.

While I smile and appear "fine" on the outside to those around me, on the inside, the pain is sometimes all consuming.  I HATE it.  I hate the aches, the pains the overall feeling of extreme discomfort.  Short of laying down flat, there is no comfortable stance or position for me.  Sitting is uncomfortable, standing is uncomfortable, driving, thinking....it all hurts to do, yet I cannot NOT do it...I have to work, I have to continue to live a "normal" life, when NOTHING about the way I feel these days, feels normal to me.

People keep asking me, when are you going to close out your car accident insurance claim.....and I don't  know what to tell them, because I don't know if I'll EVER feel better....a stark reality that makes me scared to death, think about that for a second..."What if I never get better???" is that not one of the scariest things to realize, that perhaps this is the best you're ever going to feel again, and what you feel now is pain?

Suddenly your life isn't fun, your life revolves around heating pads and ice packs and OTC pain relievers, and physical therapy and chiropractor appointments.  Your no longer ABLE to do the things you used to, and if you DO do them, you pay for them severely in the amount of pain it causes you TO do them.

Pain is something I never truly understood, I had no idea you could look so "normal" and yet hurt so badly...every minute of every day.  Pain like nails on a chalkboard, impossible to ignore.

I could go the Dr. and ask for pain meds, but I don't want to be addicted to those, I don't want my physical status to be ruled by what drug's I've ingested.  I just want more than anything to feel BETTER, to feel like the old me who could run and skip and jump and smile without so much effort and side effects.

Most people have no idea that you have your health, until you don't.  Suddenly the thing you once took for granted is gone, and you are no longer you, you're a shell of who and what you used to be.  And it can be taken from you in an instant, just like your life, it could be gone in a mere heart pounding moment.  Poof, gone.

So for those of you who don't suffer, please, for me, appreciate that.  For those of you who do, I can sympathize.  For those of you with hidden illnesses, lupus, fibromyalgia, rheumatoid arthritis, etc., you suffer behind your smiles, and I never understood that better than I do now....I pray for cures for all of those things.

There are a lot of ways to suffer in this world, and so many do so silently.

I am not here to complain, or to whine, or to beg for sympathy, "poor me" is not my thing, but just know that sometimes, just because someone looks like this:  

doesn't mean they don't actually feel like This:

  

There's a saying that goes something like this:  "Be kind to everyone you meet, for you don't know what kind of battles they are facing..."  and I think it's important to remember that, when you encounter people who are not at their best, perhaps they aren't FEELING their best.

It's tough sometimes to put your best foot forward when all you want to do is curl up in a ball, and rock back and forth, praying the pain subsides.

I know, because I feel this way myself more times than I like to admit.

~

Health.

is

Priceless

~

Cherish

it

~

Painfully Yours,

~HeatherLynn~

Dead in A Ditch has a Face!!!!

IT FINALLY HAPPENED!!!

The cover shoot for Dead in A Ditch has come.....

and here's the proof!

Let me know which is your cover of choice!

VOTE TODAY!!!

xoxoxo

Yours Excitedly,

~HeatherLynn~

IT"S ALLLLLIVVVVVEEEEEE!

Er, well, not so much "alive" as it is "WRITTEN!"  yes folks that's right, I finally, finished it!

*wipes sweat off brow*

Man this has been a long long haul.....Now lets hope it was worth all the effort!

C'mon, do the happy dance with me!  Don't just stand there!

Shake that booty!

and hollar woooohooooooooo!

Thank you for taking the time to share in my joys

and for all the times you sympathized with my lows.

Yours Truly,

~HeatherLynn~

I hadn't expected.....

....to wake up this morning and have a day sprinkled with such good thoughts and feelings....

First my day started out talking to my cousin Aaron, who I love.  He's not perfect, and some might even find him difficult to love, but he's like a brother to me.  We talked my whole way to work, venting to one another about frustrations, laughing about other things, just catching up on each other's lives and I thought to myself...."that was a nice call to get today" so happy I picked up even in the middle of my rushed frenzy to get ready for work....and by the time I hung up with him, got out of my car to go into my building to work, I was feeling pretty lucky to have had the call, and to have him in my life.

Then....at lunch time, I tried to cash a check at my bank.  Only to find out they didn't have enough money.....(this was my insurance check from the bank to cover my flood claim) mind you, it's not a small check, but it's not a big check either.  I could see if it were for  $10,000 or something, I ended up checking with 3 different banks and none of them had enough to cash my check.  Can you believe that?!  I was starting to feel less lucky....and more grumpy as I trudged around in the rain, spending my entire lunch break trying to cash a stupid check....when I finally got sent to the Allentown branch....but I had to go inside, they couldn't cash that big of a check through the drive through....*sighs*....We can jump out of Airplanes for fun in this Country, but we can't cash a check of size through a drive through....

When I arrived, and got out of my car, a little lady, probably maybe in her 40's was coming out and man she did not want to step out from under the building's awning and get all wet and cold, so I said to her "Hi, where ya headed?"

She said "I don't know yet"....

Me:  "No, i mean where are you parked?  I'll take you there and share my umbrella with ya."

Her:  "Oh, *big smile*...I'm right over there, the red SUV"

So I walked with her and kept her dry....after all, I wasted my whole lunch hour, what was another 5 minutes to help her out right?

She was so happy!  She said as we walked:  "You know, I think my luck is changing...."

Me:  ""Oh, why's that?"

Her:  "Well first, I needed a notary, and the lady in the bank did it for me free of charge!  And now, I come outside in the pouring down rain, and a total stranger shares her umbrella and walks me to my car...It's just so nice....I was having a bad day, and now it's like it's turning around!"

And I think I puffed my chest out a little bit, Like well would you look at that.....my rainy crappy, can't cash a check day...and I made a lady feel like her day was really turning around.  Made that grumpy feeling wash right outta me and down the drain in the parking lot with the rain water.  I actually saw what optimism and thankfulness look like when they spread across a human face.  How cool is that?  She, a complete stranger I'll never see again, was thankful for me!
Isn't that something?

The more I do it, the more I live it, the more I find that the best gift you can give, is a smile, a helping hand.....and your time to someone else, free of charge.  Little acts of kindness are a gift to receiver AND the giver.

So thank you lady who I helped today, your appreciation turned my day around too!

Smiling even in the Rain,

~HeatherLynn~

THE THINGS YOU DO IN THE NAME OF WRITING:

you all know how hard I've been working on book # 3, and have been for quite some time, what you don't know is that I chose a local backdrop for part of the story, and it was a place I'd never been, a dark, scary, forbidden to go place and me being me, thought, well I'll just write a very nice letter to the owner of said dark, scary forbidden place, and well, why wouldn't he/she let me have a look around.

Well that letter went unanswered.  So I did some google online research, found out what I could, even located a couple videos from inside the structure on YouTube, and I thought, well crap, I guess this is as close as I'm going to get to being able to get a feel for the setting where so many things will happen to my characters....but Ann, oh, well, she took me on what was supposed to be just a simple and innocent fall photo shoot, that somehow turned into a quest, to get me to the place that my fictional characters would find themselves.  It started out as..."I'll just show you the area it's located"...which then turned into driving around the entire premises scoping out holes in the security of the property.  I looked like the unibomber in my dark shades and hat pulled down low....Ann, she looked perfectly sweet and innocent like we'd lost our way and were just trying to get directions.

Next thing I knew, we were devising a plan to infiltrate the compound....by stealth and deception, come hell or high water, us two grown women were plotting and scheming to storm the fort.  We'll call this place "the fort" in order to protect ourselves.

It was a grand plan, one in which we had no idea what to expect.  We faced everything are area had to offer in terrain, hills, marshy swampy areas, a ravine, sticker bushes that tore at our clothing, burrs that stuck to our clothing, I was sweating up a storm as we made the 2 mile trek to our destination.  Oh, but we thought we were so sneaky, keeping to the tree lines, keeping out a watchful eye for anyone who might want to have us shot or arrested on sight.  Ann wasn't nearly as worried as I was, I just was really skiddish about the idea, knowing full well that THOUSANDS of trespassers had made similar journeys to this place....that the location was a known haunted site that many travelers were in hot pursuit to visit, but that wasn't my purpose, I wasn't there to ghost hunt or to vandalize, I just wanted to close my eyes and allow my senses to  take in all that the setting had to offer.  What did it smell like, what noises could be heard, how hard was it to get to, the lay of the land if you will.  It's much easier to write about a place you've been, and experienced for yourself than try to write about a place that you've only seen in pictures.

Well to say the least, we arrived haphazardly to our destination and my, oh my it was glorious, the sun was perfect, our journey had been a success and we'd snuck in completely undetected.  All those times I played G.I. Joe with my boy cousins had paid off!  I felt like I could storm fortresses, sneak into foreign countries ..it's a high I think boys get, but girls don't often do.  Ann and I were G.I'freak'in-Janes we were!  Minus Demi Moore and neither of us shaved our heads or had rock hard bodies trained for fighting, but you get what I mean.

And Ladies and Gentlemen, It was exactly what I needed to finish my book.  It was like my book was coming alive before my eyes when I locked eyes with complex that laid before me.  The very essence of the haunted and eerie remains of "the fort" seeped into my  very center.  I closed my eyes, I smelled.  I listened to what my characters would hear, I looked at the broken windows, and the graffiti'ed walls, and overgrown landscapes.  I saw the smoke stack that went to the incinerator that burned the bodies of those who died here.....it was truly well worth the journey and fear and worry that came with trying to get here, it was worth it by far.

We walked slowly up to the building, I got up close, real close, close enough to stick my head inside:

It was here that I stuck my head inside and heard a dead and dying building, alive with activity.  The place was resounding activity from a million different locations.  I felt my blood go cold upon getting so close to this place, and I had the distinct feeling something was watching me, taking notice of my proximity.  I was standing outside, while my head was inside the opening, and I felt like I'd crossed a line that I shouldn't cross.  I took my head out, turned to look around me and the first thing I saw was this:

Scared the ever-luvin-crap out of me it did!

Even looking at this picture now, it makes my chest get a little tight.

I decided pretty much then and there that there wasn't any way in hell that I'd step foot further into the building, that I was just a sight see'er, not an infiltrator.  I would respect the boundaries of a visitor, and keep a safe distance from crossing any more lines.

Ann and I made our way around the perimeter of the building, taking pictures, imagining the internal layout of what we could only see from a distance.

We whispered as we made our way, remaining in-stealth mode so as not to alert any nearby humans or barking dogs of our presence here.

After we made our way around the entire lot, and were back to where we started, we thanked our lucky stars for the experience, for the thrill, for the success in finding it and we bid our farewells to the object of our quest.  We walked back towards the railroad tracks from whence we had strayed and just as we were about to get away scott free....

A voice called out to me.

"Hey!"

it said from behind me.

The building was behind me and I was scared to death at what I would find when I turned around.

Who or what had called out to me.

But i faced my fear and I turned....slowly...and my heart was pounding so hard in my chest...I think Ann could hear it from 3 feet away....

I turned to see two people walking towards us.  Dressed in head to toe camo, one carrying a compound bow.  The one carrying the bow, decked out in face paint.

Again they called out to us:

"Hey, come here"

I looked at Ann, and she looked at me as both our minds were saying "so, do we run?"

I said to her "I aint' going back there....."

and Ann said "they can come to us"

so we stood still like we were frozen to the ground.

I whispered, "you don't think they'll shoot us do you?"  I mean you hear of people shooting trespassers sometimes....

that's when Ann decided to be proactive, she called out to them, "See anything?"

They remained silent.

A bad sign.

They got closer, Ann tried again, "See anything?"

The man spoke then:  "Seen two girls"

Ann: "Oh yeah..."

Him:  "you two scared off a ten point buck we were about to shoot!"

Me: (knowing this was a cardinal sin in hunting to ruin a guy's odds at getting a great buck) said:  "oh, man we're so sorry!" and then i made a face like it pained me to hear that.

Ann says "Oh, yeah, right, we did hear something go crashing through the brush, yeah, I think I know right were you're talking"

"What are you guys doing back here?"  The man asked.

Ann replied, "Oh, just taking some fall photos, the trees are just so lovely this time of year..."

I stood frozen, my lying skills were seriously rusty and out of practice.

"You know that you're trespassing and can get three days in jail and a $300 dollar fine for being back here?"

Ann said "Noooooo...didn't know that"

I shook my head, still an absolute mute.

"well you can, you aren't supposed to be back here, this is private property"

"We didn't know" Ann said.

"do you own this land?" Ann asked him.

"Yes" he said.

I again made a very dramatic "I'm so sorry....about the deer, about trespassing, about lying to you right now"...face.

{But in our defense, there weren't any "no trespassing" signs until we got up near the building.....and it was spray painted on, so It wasn't like it was official....and we'd come so far, we had to, ya know?  Sort of how like guys can't stop peeing mid stream, once you've committed to the act, you can't just stop in the middle, it's just not done!}

"Leave!" the man said with authority

"and don't come back!"

Ann and I both nodded and turned to head back the way we had come.

We'd escaped certain jail time, and were once more headed through the trees, headed back to the railroad tracks that would deliver us back from where we'd come from.

"HOLY SHIT!" I said, "I can't believe that just happened...we so almost just got arrested!"

And Ann and I talked, and laughed, and recovered our senses as we journeyed back the two miles we'd traveled to get here.

{Me and Ann after our close encounter}
{Seriously, does this shadow make my butt look big?}

WHAT A CLOSE CALL!!

So Hunter guy, if you are reading this, I'm really sorry, we didn't mean any harm, or trouble, to you or your property, and I thank you sincerely, because my book will be the better for having had the experience.

And thank you for not having us arrested, and for not shooting us with your bow, that would of sucked.

So, that's the story of how I almost got arrested, and how it was almost all Ann's fault!

*winks*

But oh, what an experience!

Awesome!

Your Law Breaking Blogger Friend,

~HeatherLynn~

to see all the photo's from the day of photography, hit me up @ my facebook page, or at Turkey42@hotmail.com and I'll get you the link where you can go see them.
Some of them are pretty good.
*smiles*

This and That - October

Mmmmm...Fall is truly upon us isn't it?  Last weekend I went out and took some fall pictures, and man, let me tell you it, it really put me in the spirit for all things fall...Pumpkins, and frothy hot drinks, apple cider, corn mazes, Halloween, and last but not least, CANDY CORN!  that crap is just crazy good.  If I wind up with Diabetes, I blame the candy corn, that's all I'm saying! *smiles*

 

Last night, a funny conversation Jerimy and I had, thought might be cute to share....so there we are, laying in bed, lamp still on, on the night stand, he and I are just talking, we were getting all cozy and he feels my body temperature and says "geesh, you're freezing!" and I laughed and said, "I know, I was outside"...so I snuggled in closer to steal his body heat, and him, being the super awesome guy HE is, he let me.

 

I told him then "don't worry, give me a second and HeatherHeater will be back in business"....see, when I was a kid, Rachel and Bek, my two little cousins would get cold while staying over night with me and my sister Brooke, and they'd get into bed with me, and snuggle into both sides of me and say "HeatherHeater, warm us up!" Apparently I've had a "hot body" since childhood!  My, that sounds all sorts of wrong doesn't it?!  Let me rephrase, I've been "hot blooded"...no, wait, that's not exactly right either...how about this, I've been "HeatherHeater" for as far back as I can remember.  Get me under the covers with you and I'll have you sweating in no time. *slaps forehead*....wow, this post is spiraling out of control here!  FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, Heather get it together would ya?....perhaps I'll use pictures, since my words are coming out all wrong...

here:

 

+

=

 



 

I've rebooted, lets try this again.

 

Back to the story....

 

So Jerimy says to me, "yeah, some nights, you're so hot I'm like melting, and have to kick the covers off in the middle of the night to cool off."

"Yeah, well this winter when it's freezing you're going to be pretty darn happy to have ole HeatherHeater here keeping you warm" I said with a smile and then continued on to say the following:

 

"I guess I'm kinda like an upstairs bedroom.  In the winter, heat rises, and you're toasty warm, and you're thankful to be up there, in the summer, heat rises and you're sweating your butt off, cursing the danged heat that just a few short months ago you were thankful for...having me for a girlfriend is a blessing and a curse I guess."

 

He crinkled his nose, laughed and shook his head and said "yeah, I got nuthin" and we snuggled back up, so I could steal his heat.

 

I thought to myself then, "Seriously?  Did I just compare myself to an upstairs bedroom?  I'm really not all there, this confirms it. Who compares themselves to an upstairs bedroom?"

 

And you know who else isn't all there?

 

My Friend Ann....who nearly got me arrested on Sunday....

Great photo shoot, and story to follow.

Stay tuned.

 

 

 

Welcome to October!

 

Hugs & Luv,

~HeatherLynn~

In Book News:  I'm cruising through the ending of "Book #3"....I should have that sucker "on the books finished"...or "facebook official finished" in no time!  woohooo!  Can't wait to see how it's all going to turn out.  You'd think as the Author I'd know by now, but it's crazy, I literally don't know exactly how it will end, until about five seconds before my fingers pound the keyboard and it appears before me on the screen....
Hope it comes out worthy of being written.

Good Intentions:

 

 

I don't know where this week's gone.....I had such great intentions to finish book #3 while Jerimy was out of town for schooling, but somewhere between feeding the ferret, the turtle, Easton, the dog, doing the dishes, going to the Dr., and to the grocery store and finally getting a hair cut....I dont' know where all the time went....

 

One minute I was carrying my laptop in the front door on Sunday, preparing for my 4 days of writing and dedication, the next, my laptop was buried under a pile of clothes on Jerimy's bedroom floor and it was already Thursday and Jerimy was bursting in the front door and I was hugging him like I hadn't seen in in years instead of days!

 

Good intentions.....I so had them.

 

Perhaps this weekend shall be my new goal.

 

Something I'm really excited about.....I have a new reader...not of this blog, but of my books.  Her name is Stacy, and she's a family member of one of my family members, and boy let me tell you, she's a real pistol this one.  I liked her immediately last year when at my cousin's child's birthday, she showed some....we'll call it "color"....and man I wasn't sure if I loved her, or should fear her......and you know me, I'm more about the love, so I kinda just thought, secretly to myself, I think she's pretty neat.....I like her "gruff gusto" as I call it.  She's very outwardly abrasive.....but yet jolly and totally lovable....and people, let me tell you, abrasive and jolly....are fairly opposite.  TO HAVE "gruff gusto" is a rare quality and a total contradiction, and for some reason, Stacy is the best of the gruff, and the jolliest in the gusto.  She's outspoken and let me tell you, this girl, oh, she doesn't sugar coat things, she is a tell it like it is, if you don't like it, tough! kind of person, so I thought to myself, as did Rachel....if there were anyone who would read my books and tell me that they suck, (if that's what her opinion was) it would be Stace.  She would rip me apart on storyline issues, she would tell me if a character sounds cheesy or hokey, if anyone would tell me straight up and gut-wrenching-ly honest if there were flaws in my book, I could count on her obscene sense of honesty and extreme avid reading experience to come through with flying colors.

 

At our most recent family shared function, we got to talking to Stacy about my books and we (Rach and I) mentioned something to her about reading "Book #1"...and she said she'd take a look and let me know her opinion.... *GULPS*....I was excited to have a reviewer who I knew wouldn't love my book just because they loved me.....and I knew she wouldn't be "AFRAID" to hurt my feelings, or ruin our friendship....Stacy could be counted on 100% to be unbiased and completely matter-of-fact about my writing ability, my story line....the whole deal.

 

This is where I said a prayer, or twenty...."please don't let her hate the book, please don't let her hate the book!"....and when I got to my computer the next day, I took a deep breath, and sent her the book.

 

It was a weekday, and by the end of my workday, she'd finished it.  To my surprise, she really did just tear right through it.

 

The entire day, I got little texts from her with her thoughts on this or that, and to my amazement, she actually said she LOVED it!!  Not liked it, LOVED it.  Can you believe it, this avid outspoken, not related to me person, LOVED my book!  *crinkles nose, smiles and looks mystified*....

 

OH, i was so relieved of course, I felt like I was on stage naked in front of my classmates....waiting for someone to relieve me of the embarrassment I was sure to endure should I move my hand/arm from covering my breasts, or my other hand from covering my lady parts.....so you can imagine how this hypothetical scenario changed when I started getting the texts and she wasn't telling me that my book was a rotten.

 

Those texts from her were like music and a stripper pole to my mental naked fear scenario...instead of slinking off the stage awkwardly as I was afraid I'd wind up doing.....her words of positivity where the music.....so I took my hands down, then threw em' up in the air danced naked and said "wooohoooo" and then for good measure, hopped on the stripper pole and took a swing around not caring about who saw.  That's the kind of high you get when someone looks at something that is a little piece of your heart and soul, and they say, "hey kid, I like what you got going on here"...

 

I also want to send a very special thank you to Andrea, Diane, Deborah, Angie, Ann, Ryan, and Michelle and Jess, and Jen, and Lisa, and my mother, and Chris M. and Jerimy, and Roger, and to all of you who read my book and encouraged me to keep writing.  I can't tell you how much my little and sometimes fragile naked ego appreciates your support and love.  You all mean the world to me....I hope you know that.

 

Anyway, I must now take my leave, work waits for no woman....and mine is stacking up and I really must tackle it head on today.......MUST CLEAR OFF DESK AT WORK.....motivation is not always my strong suit.....but then again, if you're reading this, you know me and likely know this about me! *laughs*

 

Hope you all have a wonderful Friday, the sun is supposed to come out here in NW Ohio today.....THANK GOD.  Jerimy says it's because he's home from Chicago....while I'm inclined to believe him, because he is such a big source of brightness and warmth in my life, I doubt he can take credit for mother nature's life's work, but I smile, and let him believe the sun follows him around if it makes him happy.  After all, he is sunshine to me.....

this kind

makes you feel sunny on the inside doesn it?

It does me anyway....

 

 

Bask in my Sunshine my friends, just don't tell Jerimy I shared him with you!

*winks*

 

Hugs and Luv,

~Heather Lynn~

It's a sad day....

 

Its never easy to say goodbye, and to express my sincere and utter heartbreak that I feel in this moment is hard as well.  I got the news this morning before I was even out of bed, that my Aunt Mary had lost her battle with cancer.  And it shook me.  For weeks now, my mind's been saying over and over...all the time, just like a song stuck in my head "Life is short, but sweet for certain".....over and over and over again it played in my head, in my mind, I thought perhaps that "I" was dying, and my brain was telling me to enjoy every moment I have left, but perhaps it wasn't about me (as so many times we think it's about us)....

With a heavy heart I just wanted to write a little something....I'm sure I'll write something better later, but right now, all I can muster is a nice video, and much sadness and loss.

Prayers to my cousins Sue and Keith who have lost their mother, prayers to my Uncle Floyd who lost his redheaded partner in life....(and everyone knows, red headed partners are more fun than a bucket of monkeys!)....and to the grandkids and brothers and sisters....today, we are all in mourning.

Aunt Mary, I have always and will always love you with all of my earthly capacity.  There's no way you're not in heaven with my grandpa Rollie, David Hendricks my friend from high school, Travis Tippie, the boy I used to make out with while I babysat for my cousin Terrie's kids, my Grandpa Red, Mary's Dad, my Aunt Deb Blockberger, Uncle "Slick" Mueller....and to all of those who have gone before.....which by the way Aunt Mary, I personally asked Travis to look out for you up there....and if I know him, and I'm pretty sure I do, there's no way he's not at the front of the line to greet you.....with that really big grin of his....

I can just close my eyes and see the two of you smiling at each other now.

Can't you see it too?  Heaven just got warmer....brighter.....happier with these two together.

No matter how sad the loss here on earth, I know that she's in darn good company where she's at.  A place where cancer has no place....

Bodies die, souls live on....I have to believe that....that from the ashes we rise.....and we live on forever through those who love us, through the memories we leave...and in the end, with God, who I believe created us to be mortal, so eventually, we'd all come home to him.

As for you, CANCER, I just want you to know you suck, and someday, someONE is going to defeat you, and then you'll know how this feels.  Your number will eventually be up.....KNOW that.

Heartbroken and in Mourning,

And missing my Lovely Red Headed Aunt,

~HeatherLynn~

 

FINALLY!

 

 

Since this is a "Author's Blog"....I suppose I should write about something "Author-ey".....right?

(and yes, I realize Author-ey is not a word)

 

*looks thoughtful*....

 

hmmmm.....

 

{blank}

 

this is a bad sign isn't it?!

 

Oh, well, in "writing news" I can tell you that as of like 15 minutes ago, I think I FINALLY found my ending to book #3!  And what a relief that is, because I've been beating my head against a wall trying to find "THE" ending.

 

I say "THE" ending, because not just any ending will do.....you ever read a book, and it's good, it's got you in its grip, and then, there's just this anti-climactic end that leaves you feeling like the author took a whole 60 seconds to just wrap things up in a single paragraph.  I HATE that, don't you?  It's like, seriously?  you made me read 400 pages for THAT?!?!?!

 

I can't do that to my readers...assuming that some day I have "readers"...right now I have 'friends who read"....which is great, but not the same thing as having "readers".....God bless my "friends who read though"...without them, where would I be?!?!  (seriously, thanks guys, I love you sincerely).

 

So now, now that I have the premise on how to end it, now I just have to write it.

 

The last ending I wrote, for book #2, I did in a hospital waiting room, while spending the whole day getting blood work done and a glucose test that took 3 hours to complete.....and I was amazed at just how easily THAT ending came to me....easy peezy, but no, no, no, this 3rd book-child is my problem child.  It has given me fits the entire time, demanding so much attention, behaving badly if it didn't get enough, it wasn't like "The Ordeal"...who was such a good little book-child, so easy and lovable.

 

As you can tell, I don't have kids, but I do have books, and my books are my babies, and I want to have babies to talk about like all my friends.....like normal girls my age, so I've decided to have book babies.  Someday, I hope to have pictures with them, and celebrate their birthdays and everything! *winks*  A girl can dream.....but you think a paper cut on your finger is bad......can you imagine giving BIRTH to a book.....!??!?!  OUCHEE!  That's all I'm saying.

 

And....subject change.

 

Something that I'm learning about "creative types".....we are all very sensitive about our work.  AND, from the others I've met, writers, photographers, musicians, so many are their own toughest critics.  For some reason, whatever it is we create, we somehow never fully think it's "good enough"....we always have this worry that it could be better, or that someone else could of done it better.....I know rock stars can seem very cocky.....but deep down, I bet they are also thinking about the note they didn't hit like they had in practice.....

 

My books aren't rocket science, they are just fun little reads, and I'm sure I'll always fret about them, just like a momma does with her children......hoping they do good, hoping nobody picks on them....wanting to make them the best she can....

 

I'm buzzing to the brim with anticipation now to finish book #3....now that I finally have my direction.

 

 

 

Direction....ahhhh, it's a beautiful thing.  And today, I'm sooooooo thankful for having found mine! 

 

Anticipa-torily and Inspired-ly yours,

~HeatherLynn~

 

Soul Mates:

 

Do you know this woman?

 

Have you seen her before?

 

She wasn't someone I could of picked up out of a line up either not so long ago.  I knew her name, knew her by reputation, but she wasn't a household name at my house.  Even after watching the movie based on her book in the theatre several years back, I had only thought to myself..."I should read that book someday"...someday being the main word there.  Someday has finally come as it turns out. 

 

Over the years, I've quoted this woman warmly, however, until I read the book, I didn't realize just how much I'd fall in love with her outlook, her warm and witty ability to be brutally honest about her self and her shortcomings and with her book Eat Pray Love. 

 

She's a brilliant writer, and human inside and out, even if she doesn't always know it about herself.  You cannot read her book Eat Pray Love without seeing just how genuine of a human she is....or anything she writes for that matter...

 

Anyway, the reason for today's post is this:  Elizabeth Gilbert quite possibly is my 'soul mate'....not in the sense that most people think when they think of a "Soul Mate", but by a truer definition of the word.

Her definition.

 

These are Elizabeth's definitions:

 

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life."

"A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave."

"A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master...” 

Now before you think I'm creepy stalker HeatherLynn, let me say that her insights are just too beautiful not to be moved by, her honesty and willingness to really own up to her own shortcomings is admirable....and when I meet / learn of someone of her caliber, I can't help but to be excited and honored to have made the acquaintance.

 

So last week or so, I saw that she had started a facebook page....and I was like...woohooo....!!  The idea of getting a daily dose of whatever Liz is doing or what new discovery's shes made about life, or love, or the pursuit of happiness was just a breath of fresh air to imagine getting.  I could only dream of traveling the world as she does, meeting the amazing characters she has, experimenting...learning.....for the love of all that is holy, this woman spent 4 months on the "no carb left behind" diet in ITALY!  Who here can say as much?

 

I relate so much to her writing in EPL!  In so many ways.  Get this:  Liz was the same age as I am now when she wrote the book, she was about my age when she went through her divorce, she had all the same guilty feelings about wanting a divorce, and to top it all off, EPL was published on my birthday in 2006....what a gift huh?  Think it's a coincidence? *smiles*....I'm leaning towards not.

 

2006 was also the year that I moved out of my marital home.  I hadn't even read it, but after reading it, there's a big part of me that wishes I'd of read it sooner.  However, I know that in reading it now, it finds me wiser and more mature and ready to accept some of the more deeper messages the book as to offer.  Had I read it sooner, I'd of been too grief/guilt stricken to have not have dwelt on the divorce story line and not see the other very important insights that are bigger than divorce.  As so many things are, you just can't see the forest through the trees when you're in the thick of it.  Divorce can be thick, very, very thick.

 

While I read EPL....so many times I looked at the pages at something she wrote, I found myself nodding, and sometimes jumping up and pointing and saying out loud:  "ME TOOO!!!!!!!!!" looking astonished because she literally had ripped something out of my mind, or repeated a conversation I'd had nearly word for word and it just floored me!  How could there be a person, a virtual stranger in the world so close in soul-fiber that we were nearly made of the same fabric.

 

So anyway, I befriended her on facebook and sent her a message, and to my utter delight, she responded.  I thought I'd post our exchange here, mostly because I think it's so wonderful I wanted to share, but also, because I want to keep it here, with all my other thoughts, so as to never forget the extraordinary time, I spoke with someone who could open up my mind, my heart, my soul, and to do so in print, well, does it get any better than that?

 

Here it is:

 

Ok, ok, so I might of gushed a little....

I can't help it, when someone writes a book, and there are absolute CHAPTERS that you just don't "identify with" but you feel was ripped right out of your own brain/heart....it will have a pretty lasting effect on you.  Like somehow there's this other person walking the earth, a total stranger who thinks like you, and knows your secret thoughts, but not because you told them, but because they are their secret thoughts too.  It's weird, but cool.

Aren't books wonderful?!

What would the world be like without them?

 

So Liz, if you are reading this, thank you for existing, thank you for writing Eat Pray Love, I'll forever be grateful for having read it, and I look forward to reading additional books of yours in the future. 

AFTER I FINISH MY BOOK....

A girl's got to have priorities....

To think I've been 300+ pages into this 3rd book without being able to finish it is just ridiculous....

I tell myself often "FINISH IT ALREADY SLACKER!"

I keep waiting for that to motivate me..

*laughs*

So far, NOPE!  Not an inkling of inspirational grand finale has been generated in my meager brain.

 

*raises coffee mug*

Here's to tomorrow!

I don't have writer's block,

I have "writer's would rather be doing something else syndrome"!

Do they make an app for that?

(I have a smart phone now, can ya tell?)

 

Happy Monday to you, and you, and you!

(I'm fairly certain I have 3 readers)...and to those three readers....one being my mother...

Have a wonderful start to your week

 

Happily yours,

~HeatherLynn~



Simplify:(Life + Mind) = Happy?

{I just Love Albert Einstein...wasn't he just the coolest?}

I don't know if you know this about me, but I HATE math.  I totally and unequivocally SUCK at it beyond words.  Even though here I sit trying to find the words to tell you how sucky I really am.  *shrugs*...Not only is it NOT my forte, I also have what I'm pretty sure is "Math Anxiety"....someone comes at me with a Math Problem these days, I throw my hands up in the air and say "heck I'm the worst person to ask"....but in my younger school days, when confronted with Math, my stomach would gets all queasy, palms sweaty and my head would instantly get foggy and swirling with confusion.  To me, Math is complicated, and things have to be done in a particular order, it's very structured, and perhaps that's why my mind rejects it, because my mind is far from orderly, disciplined, and certainly doesn't always come up with the correct answers.  Not in Math, and not always in life.

 

In recent research and developments and discovery of ideas and whatnot, I've heard it said that life isn't supposed to be so complicated!...ain't that the truth!?  Why IS life so complicated?  Do we make it this way?  So I want to try and do something about this:

This became clear to me as I was contemplating purchasing a new cell phone and cell phone carrier/plan.  Oh the fancy phones this world has to offer!  They talk to you, they navigate you, they entertain and keep you company.  How many times have you went to a social function where 78% of the people there aren't even talking to each other because they are on their phone's, surfing the web, texting, throwing Angry birds at things?  Pretty frequently in my experience.  Our phones are never off, away from our pockets and purses...we are chained to them like prisoners to a leg iron and ball.

 

Now don't get me wrong, I like having a phone, and technology is great.....BUT....when faced with purchasing a new phone....a "smart phone"....I really thought about it, and I don't want my phone to take up more of my life than it already does.  I don't want to be constantly checking my email.....surfing the web, googling the answer to everything I'm asked.

 

I'm at a computer all day at work, I have a laptop and a desk top at home.....why do I need ANOTHER device to distract me from really awesome things like talking to Easton....getting to hear how football practice went today, having him show me the fat lip he got.....or enjoying the dinner I cooked....without facebooking.  It's no wonder our minds are constantly OCD, the television's going, our phone's are ringing, the microwave's beeping, there's a radio blaring down the hall.....alarm clocks going off.....Is there any peace left in daily life anymore?

 {sometimes I feel like all these things are weighing over my head and are about to cave in on me}

 

And that's what the experts are saying, we are overwhelmed to the point of exhaustion in our lives these days.  Especially Americans.  Other cultures make it a point to go slowly, deliberately, stopping to smell the roses, stopping to feel the sunshine on their cheeks, working only to get to be able to relax, and enjoy life.

 

I've been thinking a lot about meditation.  I've heard a lot about it, and I find it interesting.  To sit quietly and learn to navigate your mind, the way an explorer navigated the undiscovered West back in the early days of our Country's history.

 

I want to learn to take deep breaths, and calm the buzzing insanely random thoughts that bounce around inside my head.  I want to find clarity and peace in myself.

They say that meditation, not to be confused with MEDICATION can help you with this.

 

I'm not entirely sure how one begins to get into something like this....I supposed by googling "how to learn to meditate"...which I did yesterday....it was mildly educational...but not totally fulfilling.

 

 

I'm going to continue to read up on this Meditation stuff...perhaps it would be good for me.

 

In other news, I've totally NOT worried about things for awhile now!  Isn't that fantastic.  I said I wasn't going to worry about things, and I've like.....wow, really let go of the notion that I need to.  Now, when i feel that flutter of worry down in my stomach, I just take a very deep breath, and tell myself, "Heather, m'girl, we're not doing that anymore"...and then just like that, I'm not worried.  Flutter ceases and I go about my day.  It's such a weight off my shoulder to feel like...I don't have to worry about anything.  I either do what I can to fix a problem, or I don't...there's just no good that can come from WORRYING about an issue, worrying in fact turns out to be a gigantic waste of time.  Huh, how did I not see that before?

 

In other news furthermore:  Due to my last post, something most profound happened.  I got an email from someone much wiser than me, someone who knows more, done more, been more than I have yet in this life, and this person sent me an email and gave me some scripture verses she felt I could appreciate while my heart was still open and excited about spirituality.  She said God had tapped her on the shoulder and said "Ok, you can talk to her about it now"...apparently she wanted to share some spiritual things with me previously, however bit her tongue, because she wasn't sure I was in a good place to receive it.  She was probably right of course......

So anyway, she typed up the scriptures, and they were good ones, but nothing was so good, or so profound that would top what she said to me after:

 

Here's what she said:

 

Heather, I just realized I left out the most important part of my response to your email. I forgot to say how much I enjoyed your blog and how much I'm enjoying your journey of self-discovery. You are such a sensitive and caring soul. This always comes out in your writing. I hope I didn't share too much of my faith in the last email that it might have made you uncomfortable because I would feel terrible if that was the case. Before today's blog, some of your others have been filled with the 'what ifs' in life which is why I felt God tapping on my shoulder and saying, "Share some things that will remind Heather she doesn't need to ever fear anything."


 

 I have been absolutely CRIPPLED by what'if's in my life.

And I was wound so tight to trying to keep a grip on things, so these what if's couldn't happen.

I'd worry about the what'if's.  I'd obsess about them, I'd over extend myself to try and head them off when I thought I could, I would wrap my world around these damned what'if's and they then became rooted at the very center of my being.

Like my beating heart at the core of me, there were those damned what'if's running the show, coursing through me in every fiber of my being.

DUMB, DUMB, DUMB.

How I ever let it get this bad I dont' know, but as soon as this person sent this email, as soon as I read: "doesn't need to fear anything"...It was like I was released.

I was free of fear.

God told this person to tell me it was ok to stop.

And I was like, "he's so totally got my back"....

and worry then just kinda took it's leave, fear waved goodbye, and out the door they went!

 

{it's so simple, how did I not get that before}

 

*slaps forehead*

 

See, us humans can make the most simple things complicated!

 

Lastly, I want to get rid of a bunch of stuff.  I have absolutely too much stuff!

 

I'm not a hoarder by any means, but I think that in "stuff"....less is gonna be more.

That calculator i had in college, the fancy one, I'm never going to use it again, why keep it?

That argyle sweater that I keep saying I need to have "just in case"...just in case what?  I have an argyle sweater emergency?

The Michigan State hoodie that's 2 sizes too big, that I bought in Michigan....I don't even like Michigan State, and haven't worn it in like 6 years....time to go bye bye.

 

So I'm going to (hopefully this weekend) go through my entire house, and purge.  Goodbye cluttery nick-knacks.  Goodbye rainy day wardrobe....and T-shirts I'll never wear.

 

It's time to simplify.

 

 

Here's to getting a cell phone that doesn't take me away from "living in the moment"

Here's to saying goodbye to clutter

And lastly, here's to throwing out the things I don't need,

to make plenty of room for the things that I do.

 

Yours,

~HeatherLynn~

It's been awhile....

Hello My dears,

(doesn't that make me sound like I'm 90 when I say that?  I hear my voice being all little and wobbly, like a older, futuristic version of myself....or myself as Mrs. Doubtfire)

 

 

or shall I say "Hellooooooooooooooooooooo"?!

 

I know, I know it's been awhile and I've neglected you shamelessly.

 

My apologies.

 

Today I write to you in summation of the last couple weeks.  So much has happened, I'm not sure where to start to be honest....this may be a crappy post....again, my apologies.

 

Let me first start by saying:

Women are prone to loose themselves in their relationships.

 

Not all women, and not all the time, but some women, sometimes will find themselves a little less themselves than they remember.  Especially when they are really, really in love with someone.  I know, because I am, and I have, and I did and I'm working on it.

 

In the last couple weeks, I've been working on some things like:  Working out, playing my guitar, reading things that make me think and that feed my soul, been trying to finish writing the ending for Book #3, dealing with the insurance company and nightmare that is a flooded basement.....etc, etc.

 

In short, I've been dealing with MY LIFE....with "ME" stuff.

 

Which all women need to stay on top of their "ME STUFF" because we become unhinged frazzled,  my-roots-are-showing-crazy-haired, sweat pants wearing, bags under our eyes mad women when our lives start to unravel and we can't stop it from happening.

 

I don't know about you, but I don't like to feel like my life is completely out of my control.

 

"CONTROL"

wow, now there's a concept!

 

Why is it that feeling "in control" feels so good.....

yet, when we finally let go of the death grip we have on that control, we feel sooooo much better?

 

And why is that even though we KNOW that not holding on so tight to things will help us relax and enjoy life, we continue to hold on like there's no tomorrow to this IDEA that we are in control, that we got everything handled, we're "on top" of things....

Is anyone really?

 

I'm not.

This much I know.

 

------------

 

 

 

Worrying.

 

This being something that will be the death of me if I don't stop doing.

I don't know how it happened, or exactly when it took me over, but somewhere along the way, I've become such a worry wart!

 

And folks, I hate it.

 

So I'm going to try and stop....stop "what if'ing" my life away.

How amazing would it be to just say, "goodbye worry, I'm done with you!"

 

I think it won't be easy, but I'm going to do everything in my power to stop, to make myself stop holding on so tightly to things, to stop thinking and over thinking and then thinking more about everything I am AFRAID 'MIGHT' happen.

 

If they happen, they happen, but worrying about them won't stop bad things from happening.

 

The Dalai Lama said:

 

“If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it's not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.” 

He's right of course, worrying only cripples us from doing anything constructive.....worry is an endless cycle that hurts the worrier and doesn't do a damned bit of good for the problem at hand, assuming there's even a problem to deal with as opposed to the mere possibility of a problem that hasn't even happened yet!?!

 

It's just madness I tell you...

....worrying....

 

So yeah, Hello, my name's Heather and I'm a worry-a-holic

and I'm going to try and quit.

 

----------

 

 

Health.

 

So the other day I totally thought I was going to die.

 

How scary is that right?

 

Jerimy had taken me out for breakfast at Baked to Perfection...we had a lovely breakfast him and Easton and I, and afterwards, he dropped me off at home as he was going to go home to workout.

 

Which, when you boyfriend tells you he's going to go workout, you immediately have workout guilt, and think about the dozen cookies you just bought, and think..."Yeah, yeah, I better workout too!"

So I decided I'd take a bike ride.

 

I was about two miles plus into my ride, and out on the corner of State Route 66 and I'm going to die when I realized that something was wrong.

 

I stopped pedaling, and stood still which is when I realized that my heart was beating so loud that I felt like it was going to beat right out of my chest.  I felt it pounding in my ears, my eyes were pulsing, my fingertips were pulsing, my back was pounding even.  THEN...it gets worse....I start feeling like my eyes are going black...I'm going to pass out!  So i pull myself and my bike off the road, and that's when the nausea sets in, "Oh great, now I'm going to barf AND pass out!"  I tried to steady myself, take deep slowed breaths, but my chest felt tight and I was sweating all over, and it wasn't until I squatted and put my head between my knees that I started to feel any relief.

 

It took ten minutes or so to get myself together...and I contemplated calling my mom to come and get me, but I told myself I was ok, and i would just pedal slowly back home.  Once home, my heart was once more beating like mad, I was really really hot, my chest hurt, I felt faint, so I laid down on my bed and once more tried to get myself back to good.  After about 10 to 15 minutes, things steadied, and I went from hot to cold, I covered up with my blankets and fell asleep for about an hour and woke up feeling ok.

 

This of course should be something I would normally WORRY about, but I'm trying to STOP worrying....

 

Everything always collides when you're trying to do your body good doesn't it.

 

I want to stop worrying...

I want to work out to be healthier....

so what happens...

 

I take a bike ride and have heart attack symptoms!

 

total bullshit isn't it?

 

 Yes, yes it is.

 

and lastly....

 

The Pursuit of Happiness.

 



Things that help you worry less are things that you enjoy.  Self improvement and enjoyment of one's time make me feel like my life is good.

I don't know of many of you know this, but I have a wonderful friend who lives in Rome.  Her name is Alex and she's fabulous.  Say Hello to my Alexandra the Italian:

 

{Isn't she just awesome?}

 

Anyway, My dear sweet Italian I will one day visit.  And for as long as I can remember I've wanted to go to Italy, and in knowing her, it just sweetens the pot.

 

I've wanted to learn Italian for a very long time, it's a beautiful language and honestly, how amazing would it be to speak to my friend in her native language, in one of the most beautiful languages known to man?

 

So I'm thinking about taking Italian 101 through Apollo this fall/winter.

 

And if I die of a heart attack, I'll be able to say:

 

"Ti amo, addio"

 

to my loved ones.

 

I think I want to be that cool when I go, to whisper something that sounds that lovely as my final words.

 

I want to spend my life, being a "DOER" not a "WORRIER" so I'm turning over a new leaf,

MORE FUN = LESS WORRY = SMILE OFTEN = ENJOY LIFE EVERY DAY

 

Just a few things I'm working on.

 

Yours Earnestly,

~HeatherLynn~