My grandma always said....

My Grandma Always said that there are times in life when you find yourself, the world, or your loved ones in a mess that you cannot begin to clean up, sometimes things will be out of your hands, however, you can always clean up the mess around you."  This was her way of saying there would always be A mess to clean up right where you live.  Dirty Carpets, Dirty Dishes, Leaves needing raked, clothes needing put away, etc.  I loved that about her, she was the perfect example of that old saying about "idle hands doing the devil's work"...well my Grandmother never had an Idle hand her entire life I don't believe.  She was an absolute example of someone who made her way in life.  She drove like a maniac, she mowed grass like a fiend, she weed-whacked men ten time her size and 40 years younger than her right under the table.  She was so feisty, and determined, and surprisingly optimistic for someone who was always elbow deep in work!

So yesterday, after she died, and I held her hand, 

{this is actually my cousin Terrie's hand, but that's my tiny little grandma's hand}

I kissed her forehead and told her goodbye, I went home to clean up the mess that I COULD clean, I needed my hands to be like hers, UN-IDLE, So I cried all the way home and then walked in the door and pulled out my vacuum and vacuumed my floors while I cried some more.  I washed windows, I did laundry, I organized shoes, did the dishes....anything and everything I knew she would have liked to have seen me do.  She was an immaculate house cleaner.  I'll never forget her telling me when I lived with her, "Everything has it's home Heather!"  There is no sense in things just laying around.  They need to be in their home.  It's a motto I've really tried to adopt, and I have no doubt whatsoever that my beloved Grandma will be watching from heaven to see IF I ever master the art of.  I pray for her guidance and determination to someday make her proud of me.

If you didn't know my grandma, you wouldn't know that my grandpa died before I was born.  "Grandpa Red" as I know and call him, he died so young, only in his 50's, and left my grandma with six children, a home and a company he built from the ground up behind.  I could NEVER believe the kind of strength it took for her to not only step up to the challenge, but to actually kick ass doing it.  She never dated, she never had a man-friend.  She devoted her life, her heart to her family, and I was always amazed that she stayed as true to my grandpa after his death, as she had while he was alive.  She just wasn't that type.  She loved, she vowed, and that was it.  Grandpa was her one and only, and there just wasn't anything that was going to change that.

My Grandma and I didn't always see eye to eye, and I frankly didn't really understand the woman until I moved in with her when I was in my early 20's.  She had this HUGE basement that had more than enough room for two of me to live down there.  She had this thing about not liking to sleep in a house alone, and after my Uncle Ben and Aunt Kim moved out upon completion of their new house, She asked me if I would consider moving in with her.

It was tough to give up the complete freedom of my own apartment, but I knew it was the good Granddaughter thing to do.   Our family is quite dutiful, we all know what it is to sacrifice our own wants and desires to take care of those around us.  It's ingrained in our DNA I think.

Anyway, so I moved in with her and O-M-G....she was such a NEAT FREAK!  She told me that there was a right way and a wrong way to do EVERYTHING.  I once caught her rearranging the clothes I'd hung on the clothes line.  She drove me absolutely insane at first, it was like I couldn't do ANYTHING by her definition of "right"...Boy did we have our little spats with each other...what a painful transition it was to be a good roomie to my 80-some year old Grandmother.

But before long, things started to smooth out, she and I began to mesh, and every night you could find she and I sitting at her kitchen table, with the rolling wheeled chairs, playing cards, eating popcorn and drinking a beer together.  My grandma always had her Miller Genuine Draft every night with her popcorn.  It always cracked me up to see her swigging beer from the bottle.  It was just so odd for me to see.  But she was one HELL of a card player, that tiny woman kicked my ass up on side and down the other on the regular!  I once accused her of cheating, and she just laughed so hard!  She thought the idea of her "having" to cheat just ridiculously funny!  She didn't need to cheat by god, she was just that good at cards!

And then there was the time, I wanted to dye my hair, but didn't make it to the store in time to pick some up, and she said, I think I have a box of dye here, just use mine.  So I did, and she offered to do it for me.  Now, this might be a good time to mention that my grandma's hair was FIRE ENGINE red, and I had strawberry blonde hair....she assured me it would be fine.

When we were finished, my head was like NEON red!  My hairdresser the next day when I walked in for my haircut said "OMG, Heather, you could stop traffic with that hair...what did you do?  I just smiled and said, "Grandma Peg did my hair!"  She laughed and laughed and said "well, you do look quite a bit like her!"  I'll never forget wrapping her little scarves around my head until it toned down some and I didn't look like I was the front woman for some alternative rock band.

This is my grandma at my cousin Suzi's wedding....isn't she adorable?!

This is my family being "comical"

One of my favorite things to have inherited, a good sense of humor!

Grandma Peg, is/was/and will always be one of the most amazing women I have ever had the pleasure to know.  She worked so hard, at everything and all the time.  She worked at the very nursing home she died in, into her 80's!  Taking people who were younger than her!  She was a natural caregiver!  Always taking care of me, my cousins, my aunt's and uncles, anywhere she was needed, there you'd find her.

Once when I lived with her, I got really really sick, I mean, SICK.  I was so fevered and delirious that I actually went outside and laid in a snow drift.  My Grandma found me, and with her like 90 pound little tiny body, picked me up and carried me inside.  She was so concerned for me, and she took such good care of me, and I KNOW she loved me as if I were her very own.  And when you're sick, having someone take care of you is a very intimate thing.  They see you at your worst, and they love you with their best.  I will always think of that when I'm feeling unwell, the wonderful care she bestowed on me.

In closing, my grandma was a HUGE bird lover!  She knew like every single species, she watched them on her bird feeder every single morning, she loved nature, and creatures.  However she vehemently HATED Red Jimmy Squirrels and Blue Jays.  She would often times pull out her little .22 and shoot at them to get them away from her precious bird feeders.  Apparently Blue Jays are "bullies" and they raid other bird's nests or something...and I have no idea what the hell Red Jimmies ever did to her, I suppose they were nest raiders too, but watching my grandma shoot her .22 out the window while eating her breakfast cereal...well that's just something you never forget.  Especially the time she accidentally grabbed her 410, instead of her .22, and shot while standing on the toilet so she could see out the window, she blew herself right off the danged toilet and about rolled down the basement stairs!  God luv her!

I could tell you about her all damned day long, and probably all night as well....

I just could.

Yesterday when she died, the sky was cloudy and spitting rain.  It was grey and dreary and it matched my mood perfectly.  The rain being the tears that ran down my cheeks on and off all day.

However, before sun set, the clouds parted and a double rainbow appeared:

and i just knew that was my grandma, letting us know she had arrived, and found her daughter, my Aunt Mary, and my Aunt Barb, and she was hugging Grandpa.  

She found her brother Vernon, and she was no longer an "old lady", she had the able body she once had, capable of damn near everything.  See, my grandma didn't know that Mary died, or that Barb had died, so seeing them there, well, that would have been quite the surprise.  Her dementia made it hard to comprehend things that were happening around her the last few years.  But if I know my grandma, she's fussing over everyone, and mothering everyone, playing cards, keeping an eye open for a blue jay or two, and her other eye is watching on us, making sure we're doing our best, cleaning up the messes we can, and taking care of one another the way she taught us to do.

I only hope that I will use the rest of my life to make her proud of the woman she taught me to be, and that I could be.

I love you Grandma Peg, and I look forward to the day I see you again.

Your loving Granddaughter, now and forever,

~Heather Lynn~