I almost never "Hate" on people.....

I mean, I realize the world is made up of all types, and who am I to say that I'm any better than anyone else....

which leads me to this post....

Today, I want to tackle the unpleasant existence of a certain personality type that makes me cringe.  If you ever see me running like I'm on fire away from someone, you've likely witnessed me stumbling across a "One-Upper".

The "One-Upper" personality is pretty self explanatory based on name alone, it is a person who habitually, continuously and annoyingly ALWAYS is better, than you, always did it faster, bigger, better, more amazing than anything you can do, or have ever done.

Example of a conversation with an One-Upper!

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Normal Person:  "So.....I got an A on my paper in Sociology the other day, Man I totally thought I bombed it, I'm so happy I did so well on it!"

One-Upper:  "Oh, yeah, Sociology is tough, I got an A+, and the teacher even let me do extra credit bonus points, so I actually got an 110% on my paper.....It pays to go that extra step sometimes, but not like I need it, I'm on the deans list anyway...."

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Normal Person:  "last night was my anniversary, and Jerimy got me the prettiest heart shaped diamond necklace, it's so pretty, I'm just so touched that he'd get me such a sweet and thoughtful gift"

One-Upper:  "Oh, that's pretty, diamonds could be a little bigger, see, here look at mine, these diamonds were imported straight from Antwerp, hand picked for me and then set in the setting.  I just can't get over what lengths my man will go for me.....he really does give me the world"

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A one upper won't just one-up you in good things, they will also one-up you in bad things too.  If your day was crappy, theirs was crappier, if your mom pisses you off, their mom was the meaniest mommy to ever walk the face of the earth.

No matter what you did, it's nothing compared to what they did.  And the "one-upper" just doesn't get that it's not a competition.  There is no prize for being better than anyone else.  They just do not understand the concept that people are individuals and we each are complete and separate from one another.  So even if you THINK you've done something better than someone else, that someone else is NOT YOU, perhaps you ran the race faster, but if you're a runner, and they aren't, it doesn't make you awesome, it just means you're good at this, and they are good at something else.

In my experience, the "one-upper" personality will suck the life and enthusiasm out of you faster than any other personality type.  Making everything a comparison, everything a contest.  I can handle the compulsive liars, at least their stories are usually pretty entertaining.  I can handle the fake people, who you know don't like you, but smile at you anyway...at least they are pleasant and know how to act in social settings.....but the "One-Upper"....they are just one type of person who I cannot get away from fast enough.  You one-up me, I'm going to quickly ask you "I'm sorry, do you know where the ladies room is, I had too much punch"...

So that makes me wonder....do you think they know how off putting their one-upping is?  Is it a personality flaw, or is it just a bad habit they are unaware of having?

I knew a guy once, that was so chronic, so horrifyingly a one-upper that me, who never tries to be mean to anyone, finally cracked one day and said "Ohhhhhh....yeah, right, I forgot, YOU are better at everything in any situation, at any time, anywhere....yeah, I forgot, with you, there's just no contest, you win!" and I walked away.  To this day, that guy still likely thinks I'm a B*tch....but I couldn't help it, I cracked, his epic tales of false heroism and inflated awesomeness was like nails on the chalkboard that I couldn't stand to listen to a moment longer.

Looking back on it now I think "wow, Heather....that was pretty rude"....and yeah, I admit, I was rather unpleasant, but to be around this person, it literally sucked the life right out of me.  They forced me to be fake, to roll my eyes, to feel tortured just by being in their presence....and all the while, it's plain to see that the "one-upper" is trying desperately to feel important, to shine, to be someone people admire.

But the only thing they are, is the guy/girl that everyone at a party tries to avoid.  How sad is that?  That by trying SO hard to be somebody, they become someone nobody can stand to be around.

Talk about shooting yourself in the foot socially!

I personally find that by being able to admit that you're flawed is the quickest way for people to be willing to take you for who you are.

Which brings me to one of my favorite quotes: 

"be who you say you are...and say what you feel....because those that matter, don't mind...and those that mind, don't matter!"

To all the One-Uppers out there, you don't have to be the best at everything to be lovable....actually some of the most lovable people are hopelessly average...but have warm hearts.  You don't have to jump higher, run faster, talk louder than everyone else to be someone worth talking to....sometimes the most interesting person in a room, is the one who listens to others without saying much of anything....

So in closing, if you are a one-upper, it's not too late to turn things around.....it's not too late to Not be:

 

Sincerely,

~HeatherLynn~

{If you have experience with a "one-upper" and would like to share how you have dealt with one positively, withOUT running away from them like you're on fire...please, I'd love to hear your story, feel free to leave a comment in the comment section as to your experience}

Toxic Couples:

Recently it's been brought to my attention that I have some dysfunctional couples around me.  You know the couple that fights constantly....the ones who break up a lot, on again, off again....drama drama drama...We've all seen them, hell some of us might of even BEEN IN a toxic couple-ship a time or two.  But the other day my mom told me, "you know it's not healthy to be around couples like that"....and I wondered if she were right.

Do Toxic Couples make you reflect on your own relationship, seeing how different and/or healthy yours is in comparison?

Or does the toxicity of theirs, leak over into the placid sea of your state of love w/ your significant other?

Personally, I'm a big fan of floating on the placid sea of love and tranquility.....ahhhhh....the peacefulness of it all.....shades on, floating, sipping on something fruity with an umbrella in it....

{gets lost in the visualization of that kind of paradise}

{snaps back to reality....}

And what really sucks is you want to HELP these couples, or at least help the half of the couple you consider your friend, you want to throw them a life preserver and say "GRAB HOLD, I"LL PULL YOU OUT!", but we all know, that if there's one thing the toxic relationship does, it sucks you in and in and in until you feel like you can't get out.

And then suddenly, THEIR relationship is frustrating YOU, and you're not even the one in the relationship!

*laughs*

Isn't it funny how that happens?

Personally, I think the toxic relationships of others, can do a couple things for healthy couples who love each other......they can listen to the toxic relationship woes of others, take it in, give thanks that THEIR significant other doesn't do this, or doesn't do that....and take comfort in the fact that no matter what problems the healthy relationship has, it isn't nothing compared to the problems of others.

OR

The toxic relationships of others can cause waves into a healthy relationships placid sea by being a constant negative vibe buzzing around the healthy couple.  Causing irritability, and putting ideas of negativity towards relationships, the opposite sex, bringing up feelings of discontent to the forefront of our minds....since most people will advise the toxic couple to go their separate ways, saying that no relationship is worth that amount of misery to continue on with....the person giving that advice inadvertently has to think about what relationships are worth.....

I'm curious as to your thoughts....do you think the relationships of others distract you in your own relationships, add negativity and discontent, or do you think their drama, their dysfunction reaffirms the good aspects in your relationship that theirs lacks?

Or is it as simple as "Are you a glass half empty, or glass full kind of person?"  Do optimistic people take the toxic couple and say "whew, could be worse, we could be like them", while the negative personality person says, "We're probably going to wind up just like them one day....."

I tend to be glass half full kind of person myself, so when I approach the toxic couple situation, I think the MOST important thing is to KEEP a healthy distance from THEIR drama, know the difference between theirs and yours, learn how to put down the "fixitstick" and try to not insert ourselves into the middle of other people's problems, when clearly the problem cannot be solved by an outside person.  And us running interference in the middle only muddies the already murky water.  Sometimes the best thing you can do is just be there to listen....and then forget about it.

So many times we think we can save someone....when really, the only person who can, is them.  Too many people are sinking....and we throw out our live preservers to those people, but the one thing you can't do, is make them grab on.

yet we still throw the life ring...*shrugs*....we're human, it's what we do.

For top of the food chain, we aren't always the brightest!

*winks*

A good heart filled with good intentions can be as big of a blessing as it can sometimes be a curse.

Thoughtfully yours,

~HeatherLynn~

Ut-Oh

Last night I decided to dye my hair a new color, it was called "Dark Burgundy" on the front of the box.  As I was mid-dye, I see the top of the box says it's called "black cherry"....hmmmm..."black?"  That was the first point I got worried on how things would turn out.

{it was supposed to be this color}

But I was patient, I watched Crocodile Dundee on AMC with my momma while I waited the 25 minutes for the color to process....I took a shower, and blow dried my hair and stood speechless in the mirror at my purple/black hair.

{it turned out THIS color}

"HOLY MOSES!" I believe were my exact words as I stood there trying to believe my eyes.

This morning, I woke up in my bed, which is a rarity in and of itself, normally I wake up in Jerimy's....which I really must tell you, "the best way of waking up is NOT Folgers in your cup"...it's waking up next to the person you adore!  :)  I swung my legs over the edge of the bed, put my feet on the floor, and as I walked past my dresser mirror, I stopped, I backed up, and I was like...."WHAT THE....??"  I freaked myself out...I'd forgotten that I'd died my hair to look like my dark evil twin from an alternate universe! *smiles*

It's pretty bad when you scare yourself in the morning!

It's raining....and dreary outside, I guess, dark gloomy hair can stay for today....

Tomorrow....well, it's anyone's guess.

I used to think I was only a disaster in the kitchen....

I think we can add hair dye mishaps to my list of things I'm good at now too!

Dark & Mysterious

Evil Twin,

~Heather Lynn~

Bitter Beer Face:

Does anyone Else make THIS FACE when they drink a 5 hour Energy shot?

Cause this was sooooooo me two minutes ago.

I couldn't help it!

My apologies to anyone who saw me and who I may of indirectly frightened.

You'd think for $3/shot, they could make em taste even remotely better!

~Heather Lynn~

The things we do for Beauty:

I think that I might of been a beautician in another life....because I just love all things hair.  A great new hair cut, hair colors, crazy new styles, trying to replicate old vintage styles, and I especially love finding out some "trick of the trade" that gets me a style I could never figure out before....like today for example....

I never thought in a million years that'd cut the toe off of a random mate-less sock and wear it in my HAIR!  yeah, you heard me right!  Right now, as I type this, I've got a sock in my hair!

*laughs and snorts*

...how weird is that?!

But I'm telling you, if you want that big beautiful bun look you see girls sporting, and you think, wow, they must have a lot of hair...NOPE, it's just an ole tube sock!

Also, I read online that IF you want big sexy curls, you can wrap your hair when it's damp, sleep over night with the sock in place, and your hair will be curled to perfection in the morning, THIS I've got to try....somehow I think it may be too good to be true, but we'll see!  I'll let you know the results as they come in.

Happily Hairily Yours,

~Heather Lynn~

A comedy, but a unforgettable message:

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life."

 

Recently, I watched Bridesmaids, and I tell you, what a gritty, wildly insane one minute, but down right poignant the next movie it is!

My absolute favorite part of the movie is this:

Talk about right on the money!  So many people ACCEPT their crummy lives, plop on the couch and say, this is my life, let me wallow in the misery of it....oblivious to the mirror standing in front of them (in this case Megan) trying to show Annie how she looks.  Sometimes we need someone to smack the hell outta of us to make us fight instead of wallow.

I remember a time, a long time ago, when it felt like EVERYTHING was wrong.  I was barely living....I went to work, came home, crawled into bed and pulled the covers over my head and just couldn't seem to do much else.  Life as I knew it was disintegrating, my parents were getting divorced, and not just any old divorce, but like horribly, my life wasn't turning out like I'd thought....and I, like Annie here, was just sitting in the mess, no longer trying, I was just existing among the pieces of what I believed to be my shattered life.  Until Amber Kimmet (Kruse) forced me out of it.  She didn't smack me in the face, or bite my butt like Megan did to Annie, but she did tell me how it was, and tell me that it wasn't ok, what I was doing....pulling away, falling apart, she simply just couldn't allow me to do it anymore, and she told me truthfully, with concern, but also with brutal honesty, that what I was doing, it wasn't cool.  And I've always thought to myself, that she sure must of really loved me to be willing to put the boots on, get right down in the muck with me and pull me the hell out of it.  But Amber did, and I always think about that when I think of her, she was a bright spot in a very dark time.


There's a saying:

 

At this time, I just want to say thank you to ALL the mirrors in my life (you guys sure know who you are), the people who have loved me THROUGH everything I've ever had happen to me.  For not letting me get to the point where I find myself looking into the face of a friend and complaining that I don't have any friends.....

Friends are an unbelievable gift, that I truly DO NOT know how people get through life without them.  I can't imagine where I'd be without mine, my mirrors.

God bless em for nobody else in the world would have no problem saying "Annie, you're an asshole!"....*laughs* and still love you even though you are one!

The people who fight with you....so often times are the ones who fight FOR you.

And THANK GOD for that.

You know something else about mirrors, if you shine a light into one, that light shines back out, so if you haven't brightened the day of one of your pals, take a minute, and give em a shout out....we're all pains in the asses sometimes, so it's really nice when you can shine light into the person who so many times, has shared THEIR light with you when you were running low on your own.

With much Gratitude,

~Heather Lynn~

Here's a Thought...or Twelve.

Well my lovelies, what shall we talk about today?

Chick-fil-A?

the fact that I'm thinking perhaps I'm un-American because I watch old episodes of Grey's Anatomy instead of the Olympics....

or....

Lets see...what else is there....

Something I've been thinking a lot about lately is "keeping things simple".....

Sounds easy right, but we humans are just too damned complicated for our own good sometimes aren't we?!

We make mountains out of molehills, we let our emotions get the best of us, and holy moses, our tempers can flare sometimes just because we're hungry, or the humidity's making us "sticky".  We ARE temperamental creatures.

Recently, I was totally holding on to some things that I knew I shouldn't, I kept telling myself, SHUT UP, GET OVER IT ALREADY!!, but there it was, continuing to eat at me and eat at me until I finally unloaded on someone close to me, and man, I tell you, when I heard my whining and complaining and expression of discontent pouring out of my mouth, I was like..."HOLY CRAP, Heather, Would you listen to yourself!?!"

The person I shared my discontent with was of course like "wow, you seem really angry!"  and I was like..."I guess I kinda am!"

My friend was like..."do you want me to.....{insert helpful solution here}...and I was like ..."No...no, it's fine"

And my friend was like "you don't seem like it's fine....."  and of course she was right, in the moment of all of my angst runneth over, I wasn't fine....but once I was done with telling her everything, and she offered to try and help me...I was like..."Nah, you already have....I guess I just needed to say it out loud".  Be vulnerable.  Ever notice how hard that is, to just really be vulnerable and let someone see your insides when they are ugly?  But, once it was out....I felt amazingly better.  My "issue" really wasn't an issue anymore.

Isn't that funny how something so simple, like um, just talking shrinks a mountain into a molehill once again?  I'm convinced that communication is the gateway to wherever you want to go.

But back to keeping it simple....why do we make things so complicated?  Why do we put so much time and effort worrying, bottling things up......?

My good and amazing friend Donna has really been a Godsend to me here lately, I'm a worrier by nature, it's in my DNA, no kidding, I got the worrying gene....and the more I love something, the more important something or someONE is to me, the more I worry about it, the more I worry, the more unstable my emotional state is.  Sure, I've had 34 years of learning how to keep it together at work, in social settings, but you put me alone in bed at night, in my car, in the shower...those moments when nobody's watching, nobody's around....and BAM!  It's like worry fest!  There have been times when the only thing I know to do is to drown OUT the sounds in my head...play loud music, run a belt sander...WRITE, something...anything to escape the reality of the state of my mind!

I swear it's not my intention to be neurotic, and all garbled up by an overactive melon....I think it's just how I'm wired....but what's really interesting about that is that we really do have the ability to be our own electricians.  If you're wired wrong like I am, there's hope.....grab a handful of these:

and get tweaking!  That's tweaking, not tweeting!  Stay with me.....don't open Twitter....if you did, go ahead and close that window now, okay?!  Ok, good.  Now that you're back....

I want to share with you the following quotes:

“There is so much about my fate that I cannot control, but other things do fall under the jurisdiction. I can decide how I spend my time, whom I interact with, whom I share my body and life and money and energy with. I can select what I can read and eat and study. I can choose how I'm going to regard unfortunate circumstances in my life-whether I will see them as curses or opportunities. I can choose my words and the tone of voice in which I speak to others. And most of all, I can choose my thoughts.” 

“You need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select your clothes every day. This is a power you can cultivate. If you want to control things in your life so bad, work on the mind. That's the only thing you should be trying to control.” 

Isn't that something....the idea that THOUGHTS are ours, and damnit if we want, we can learn to control them, instead of them controlling us?!  How amazing is that?!

Elizabeth Gilbert said those things in her book and the Movie "Eat Pray Love"....and while many people did not particularly care for that movie, I've always appreciated it for what it was....maybe not a blockbuster to many, but it packed a punch, right in the gut and right in the forehead on how to deal with yourself, when you're kinda ugly or messed up inside.  We're all that sometimes aren't we?  Reckless.....lost, worried, disappointed, overly analytical?!  Maybe you're not, but I totally can be.  Like for instance, I have a really bad habit of being totally self destructive...when my head's a mess, it's my natural tendency to make my body feel as bad....I smoke cigarettes like it's my job, I can't eat, I can't sleep, pretty soon, my outsides start to resemble my insides and I'm not only half a mess, Oh, I'm a whole mess!  Why on earth does that ever seem like a good idea to do to oneself? 

When you can figure out how to "keep it simple".....I think you get this really awesome thing called "peace"...not "world peace", not a "piece of the pie"...or "a piece"...(which I will say, DOES help calm that mind RIGHT on down, I recommend this, use as needed)....but the kind of peace that gives you calm.  And that calm takes hold and pushes out the nervousness, the jittery worries of things you have no real hope of changing anyhow, and yet we worry.....

Why couldn't I have been born zen?! *laughs*....I think sometimes the most I know actually ABOUT Zen, is how to spell it.  It is spelled Z-E-N isn't it?

I guess if my mind wasn't a bucket of random thoughts and roller coaster emotions.....I'd likely log in here to post simple sentiments of harmony and tranquility.....and we all know, that stuff might fly in the self help aisle, but fiction....to write fiction, you gotta be a little whacked out at times! *smirks*

So what this whole random rambling comes down to is that in life, when the tidal wave of whatever's bugging you starts to wash your rational self away....I tell myself, and you.....try to "Keep it simple"....and to "just keep swimming..." if you can do that, you'll never drown.

Happy Thursday to you and yours,

~Heather Lynn~