TMI

What constitutes TMI?  In the "information age" that we live in, is there EVER too much information?

I write to you today because I'm the type of person who tells the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth when I share experiences I've had, or situations that I've witnessed.  I don't hold back on the "details" because a story is absolutely dependent on the details, is it not?  If I were to tell you:  "I went to the store yesterday."  that's very straightforward...to the point, right?

But what If I told you that:  "Yesterday, I made an emergency visit to Meijers, the dogs were starving and starting to look like they were about to turn on us.  That a 42lb of Dog Chow was on sale and I had a coupon!  That our refrigerator and cupboards were so bare...that I recently saw a tumbleweed blow through one of them and another contained a cow skull and bones.  An emergency visit became necessary when we used our last roll of "emergency toilet paper" and I just hate it when I have to resort to using a box of tissues to "get by"....

Is the idea of me using tissues as toilet paper TMI?

It is my believe that when you write to please EVERYBODY, you actually don't truly connect on a real level with ANYBODY.

Do you agree or disagree?

I once wrote a blog post about "DOES SIZE MATTER"?

It's a common thing you hear in movies, magazine articles....it's no news flash to hear the expression...

But I wrote about it and was informed that it "offended" some people who read it.

My response to this was, well, I was just saying what was on my mind, I didn't AIM my post at anyone, and I certainly didn't set OUT to offend

but yet I did.

I believe in Freedom of Speech.  I believe in the god given right to speak one's mind, and sometimes say what's on your heart, or your soul.  I think, and this is just me, the true test on what you should write and what you shouldn't, lies in what you hope to accomplish with what you've written.

Did you write to get a laugh?

To console someone's heart?

Did you write it to share your heart in it's rawest form, to connect and relate to your fellow man?

Generally, these three reasons are WHY I write "personal things" as opposed to every post being about my books, or book signings, or whatever is going on with my Author/Writing part of my life.

That is Fiction.  And Fiction is FUN, but I'm not a character in a book, and there's more to me than my imagination and the crazy things I wrote in my novels.  Not saying anyone thinks that, but I just wanted to say that my blog sometimes is a direct line of communication from my heart/soul to whomever might stumble by to have a read.  I am NOT afraid to write things as I see them, and in realistic detail, because THAT is how we connect with others on a REAL level, by being vulnerable enough to tell all the details.  Even the shocking ones, or the very intimate ones.

What's really pressing on my mind today, is something that happened a while back, I got a message on Facebook from a old co-worker/former classmate from school, and she said to me in not these exact words, but something to the effect of "your relationship gives me hope, and that love is really real, and out there."

This of course was like ...WHOA, Really?  I mean, how awesome is that?  I made someone have faith in love.  I gave someone hope that they too, can have a real, honest, connection with another human in a romantic way, unlike anything they ever had before.

How cool is that?

Can I even express to you how humbling that is to have someone say to you?

Now don't get me wrong, Jerimy and I can fight like cat's and dogs, and we've def. had our fair share of spats and miscommunications, and moments of angst...BOY have we!  I've wondered if we were going to make it, in the beginning, my mom and all my friends told me it was a lost cause, to give up and not wait for my relationship to catch up to the level of devotion and utmost importance that I had given it.  But I ignored all of them, and I held out hope....that one day, it would develop and be the wondrous thing I believed with all of my heart that I knew it could be.

And trust me when I tell you, putting yourself out there like that...OMG!  SCARY!

You feel like such an idiot pretty much 98.5% of the time!

If I turned out to be wrong, I'd look like a fool.

If I was wrong, I'd get "I told you so" from everyone I knew.

If I was wrong, my heart would be so devastated.

That was 2009.

This is 2014.

I wasn't wrong.

I never heard "I told you so"

and my heart was devastated a couple of times during my courtship of my Mr. Jerimy...*laughs*

But every scrape of pain my heart endured to win him

has been healed 100x times over in the amount of love that we generated together.

I would like to be able to share my experiences freely, without fear of offense to others...

I would like to be as raw and real with you that I would be with my best friend...whom I can bare my soul to.

Because those whom your bare your soul, share something that I think we were MEANT to experience with others...intimacy.

That's one thing I learned through writing my novels.

that it is a very INTIMATE thing to hold someone's attention.

To tell them a story, and make them FEEL something from what you've written.

I've made people cry.

I've made them laugh, I've creeped them out....which makes ME laugh!

Every person who reads something I've written has shared a moment of their time with me, 

and what is more intimate than knowing that you shared a moment with someone....that they GAVE you their time, their attention, the use of their imagination.

We live in a time when time goes so fast...LIFE flies by at a million miles per second...

so the fact that anyone takes TIME to spend with you, be it reading my blog, or reading my books, or leaving me a message on facebook, or shooting me a text...it took them taking a moment, to think of you, to stop their busy life in its tracks and interact with you.  Interaction is awesome.

So.....

with all of that said...

Is there anything I can't share with you?

If I bare my soul, will you scorn me and say that it was the dreaded

Or are we old friends, with no secrets between us?

is this a safe zone, where anything goes between friends?

And to end this very long blog, I leave you with "Frank the Tank"...Who I feel I relate to so much, he just says what's on his mind, with complete honesty...and no reserve.
I actually really like that about him.

For those of you who can't watch the video, I don't want you to miss out, so here's the transcript from the conversation above:

Therapist: Frank, this is a safe place. A place where we can feel free sharing our feelings. Think of my office as a nest in a tree of trust and understanding. We can say anything here.

Frank: Anything? Well, uh I guess I, deep down, am feeling a little confused. I mean, suddenly, you get married, and you're supposed to be this entirely different guy. I don't feel different. I mean, take yesterday for example. We were out at the Olive Garden for dinner, which was lovely. And, uh, I happen to look over at a certain point during the meal and see a waitress taking an order, and I found myself wondering what color her underpants might be. Her panties. Uh, odds are they are probably basic white, cotton, underpants. But I sort of think, well, maybe they're silk panties, maybe it's a thong. Maybe it's something really cool that I don't even know about. You know, and uh, and I started feeling... what? What, I thought we were in the trust tree in the nest, were we not?

An Eye Opening Email:

I have this friend, who is different from any other friend I've ever had or likely will have.  She's refined, and clever and funny.  She's a retired teacher, an activist for Cystic Fibrosis sufferers, she donates to charity, she is a writer, a public speaker, a wife and mother.  She's just cool, and thoughtful and for some strange reason, she likes ME!  Can you believe it!?!  Having her as a friend is the equivalent of dating someone out of your league! *laughs*

The reason I bring this up, is because my friend Beth, who had been out of town for a bit, wrote to me via email yesterday to tell me that she was "catching up" with me via Facebook, and what she could gather was that I bought a new gun, and was on the cusp of getting a new tattoo!

I laughed at the thought that in the time she was "out of touch", those two things were the highlights of my later winter/early spring.  Here is my religious, educated, sophisticated wonderful friend, and then there's me, gun toting, tattooed hooligan!  What on earth does she see in me?  I wondered upon reading her email..."Does she have any other friends getting tattoos and buying handguns?"  I'm guessing she doesn't!

What's funny to me is, I never really thought stereo-typically about myself.  On paper, to have my current life events scrawled out like that, I was like...WHOA, that's me!  And I can't help but to laugh, because I couldn't be LESS like the stereotypical tattooed, gun loving hooligan that on paper perhaps I may be perceived as.  Lets face it, many people see a person with tattoos and they automatically jump to the conclusion that you're a gang member, a criminal, uneducated, trashy...you get the drift...

While tattoos are becoming common place in today's society, in my line of work, they are still pretty taboo.  I work in an environment where everyone wears suits and ties, and still polishes their shoes with shoe polish.  I work with highly educated and prestigious Judges who I couldn't be more different from.  Yet my day job, allows me to enjoy all the "alternative things" I do so love...like ink, guns, writing crime novels, dying my hair a wide array of wild colors.  I cannot deny, I have NEVER been someone who tried to fit myself into any category I was expected to conform to.

This couldn't be any more clearer than when talking to a particular teenager who I won't mention officially who told me that he had a shirt that he had bought and that kids were making fun of because it was like "a girls shirt"....so he immediately decided to cut the shirt up / alter it.  I was like, "Why, it's a nice shirt?"  Why did he feel like he had to conform to what the masses expected of him in order to fit in?

Why can't he see the beauty in this?  Who would you want to be friends with in this picture, the suits?  Or the guy standing on his head?  I'd take the headstand guy any day and twice on Sunday!  "Individuals" are fun to be with, always keep you on your toes and amused!  I think it's a fantastic quality!  An attractive one!  That's one of the things I LOVE about Jerimy, he's truly UNLIKE anyone else I've ever known...

In high school, I wore what I wanted, not what was "in style" per se.  #1) my folks couldn't afford what was "in style" and #2) my idea of style was't the gawd awful colorful sweaters from County Seat (remember that store), I never had Nike's, or Adidas or the latest cutting edge "walkmans", or "cd player"....I was rocking the "TAPE PLAYER" long after the rest of the world was going Compact Disk!  And that was ok, because I didn't care about what everyone else did....my "tapes" sounded kickass to me!  And I was perfectly happy wearing Jeans, black boots and a Black T-shirt.  That's what I WANTED to wear anyway.

So what am I rambling on about you ask...well, I guess it's about realizing that there ARE some people out there who continue to take people for who they are.  Beth is "in my eyes" someone who has every reason NOT to associate with the likes of me.  She's meticulous at grammar and punctuation, I'm haphazard in my writing and use (...) more than anyone has a right to!  She finds it easy to write NON-fiction, and enjoys "rules" and "Structure" and truth...I cannot function under the confines of rules and expectations of a "right" and "wrong" way to do things and what is Fiction...but a complete fabrication of the truth?!  Her skin is lovely and bare of any dyes or piercings...I have tattoos and I think they are as much a part of me as any part I was born with.  She is charitable, and kind, and giving, and is an example for anyone to look up to...I buy guns and sometimes struggle with wanting to start smoking again every time summer roles around!  *laughs*

I guess, it was eye opening to have myself "played back" to myself, to see myself through the eyes of someone else, someone who I couldn't be more honored to have as a friend.  And you know what, THANK GOD for people like her.  Someone who doesn't see tattoos, motorcycles, a wee bit of a fowl mouth as "dealbreakers" to knowing someone and liking them.

I will say this though, I have always believed that when it comes to religion, I have come across a lot of "Christians" and religious types that look down their noses at the "sinners" of the world.  I have found that for some, "judgementalness" is synonymous with religious...and for that reason, I ALSO never wanted to be "that kind of religious"...I made my own rules and had my own thoughts about spirituality and God.  Again, rules seem to be something I struggle with. Anyway, I guess in Beth, I've found someone who's faith in God isn't tainted with judgment, she's a good example all the way around.  Plus she feeds me wine and cheesecake when I visit, so if that's not a wonderful testament to her type of "goodness" I don't know what is!

I mean, C'mon, SERIOUSLY, HOW ON EARTH COULD THESE TWO BE FRIENDS?

And yet she loves me and is my friend.

Thank God for that!

Luv,

~HeatherLynn~

FOR MORE INFORMATION ON BETH HUFFMAN...
and her wonderful books:

Visit her at her BLOG:  Beth's Blog

Order her books on Amazon:  Amazon Listing

Or Email her @   bethhm@roadrunner.com

Her books are outstanding, inspirational, and touch your heart in ways only TRUE LIFE stories can.
If you are not a fan of my books, you very well may LOVE Beth's!
Go check them out on amazon, great descriptions of the books' content and a sneak peak as well!

Monday Morning...AGAIN!

I hate to beat a dead horse here, but is it Summer yet?  I tell you, this winter's been brutal, and yes, before you say it, I KNOW that it's winter, and I live in Ohio...but where's our Ohio Winter Reprieve that we usually get?  In my lifetime, I remember more often than not, we get a nice 50-60 degree day at least once or twice a winter...two years ago, we got one once a month!  I remember this so well because it was the first year I was riding a motorcycle, and I got to get out and ride ONCE a MONTH ALL WINTER LONG!  *sighs*...what I wouldn't give to go out and ride right about now....do they even make snow chains for motorcycle tires? *winks*

So here's what has been going on inside my brain....first, we'll start with this morning!  I was really excited to get to work because at work, there's coffee!  mmmmmmmm....coffee!  I kinda quit making coffee at home these days, because I wanted going back to work to have ONE up-side to staying home in bed and not getting out of my pajamas.  That thing is COFFEE.  If I go to work, Coffee is my reward!  Just like a mouse on a wheel running for cheese.  I truly do miss my morning Splenda though.  My friend WES VANMETER ruined it for me though!  I tell you, Facebook is such a great tool for passing along BAD NEWS!  As it turns out, Splenda is apparently BAD FOR YOU!  I cannot tell you how sad this makes me!  I LOVE SPLENDA..Splenda is just plain SPLENDID in my opinion.  However, due to the following reasons I have stopped partaking in the splendid sweetness of Splenda.

R.I.P Splenda, you will be missed!

So this morning, as I partake in my now "less-sweet" liquid splendor known as coffee, I am also enjoying a favorite breakfast of mine, something that would make my old roommate and wonderful friend of many many years Amber Kimmet Kruse gag!  See, when we lived together, on 12th Street in Delphos, when we were young and unruly and drank way way too much than any young ladies should, we spent a lot of time hung over.  And when we'd role out of bed after an all night bender around 1:00-2:00 in the afternoon, we each had our morning hung over ritual of making our favorite hangover meal/cure before we settled onto our couches and chairs to spend the next six to eight hours of watching non-stop Lifetime movies.

Mine meal was "English muffins" with creamy peanutbutter with BBQ potato chips and a big glass of milk.  Amber's was LaChoy Stirfry from a can!  *gags*...that crap would stink up the whole house!  I mean, if I didn't feel queasy when I woke up, I sure would when Amber would start making her famous LACHOY hangover meal!  But the funny thing was, she thought my English muffin with PB & BBQ Chips was the most disgusting thing ever....and I thought the EXACT SAME THING about her LaChoy!  Good thing we loved EACH OTHER, or this may have presented a problem!

So Amber, if you're reading this, I ate your favorite meal to hate for breakfast....minus the coffee and BBQ Chips!  I wonder when the last time you had LaChoy for breakfast? *laughs*

You there, reading this, what's your hangover meal?  Is it gross?  Leave your mark...comment below in the comment section....

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Lastly, I drove into Delphos Saturday to meet my family for Breakfast at Baked to Perfection....and while stopped at a stop sign, I saw a girl that I went to High School with, pass by me in a reddish/maroon colored mini van.  She had her daughter (i presume) with her, and I looked at her face and I thought, wow, it wasn't that long ago, that I saw this girl as a young girl, probably driving some junker high school driver car in the parking lot before Marching Band practice, or driving around town after a football game, with her whole life ahead of her....a totally unknown future.  And now, she's driving a mini van, and has a lovely daughter who she's giving the same opportunities and future possibilities that had once laid before her.  WE are the mothers and fathers of our town now.  And I don't know why this surprises me, I mean I'm 36 years old, I practically have a 16 year old step-son, I just don't know how it happens, one day you're a girl, and the next, somehow you realize you're a woman....and you never knew you'd made the leap.  And you say to yourself, "How did THAT happen?  When did it happen?...and why is it happening to me?"

But then you look at your children, or step children, or nieces or nephews, and you smile, because you know that while you may not have AS much life ahead of you as they do, but you know that you're going to get to see/watch them as they turn into the adult that you now find YOURself.  That's interesting don't you think?

I'm sorry to say, but I don't FEEL 36, Mostly I feel like an 18 year old stuck in the BODY of a 36 year old!

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I guess, looking back, and thinking about life as a 36 year old, I think now more than ever, that it's truly important to make every day count.  Because as we age, time seems to go by faster and faster, years fly by nearly in the span of a few months...and before you know it, you'll find yourself wishing for more time.....but one thing I think is the coolest thing about being a WOMAN instead of a GIRL....is the idea that I'm no longer just a girl, I'm a woman who can do the things I want, I don't answer to anyone but myself...(and Jerimy of course on some things...cuz I love him to bits)....but my life is 100% mine to do what I want with....and I've got all the tools I need, to MAKE my life what I want it to be, or if I love it as is, I'm smart enough to ENJOY what I have and take the time to truly appreciate it.

So on that note....I leave you with a quote that I think means oh so much....

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Luv,

~Heatherlynn~

The boys have.....

The boys have No Shave November:

So it's only fair that the girls have:

"FEBRUHAIRY"

{Last night I actually thought I invented the term, and I thought I was super clever and was oh-so-excited about it, but upon googling it today, I found someone beat me to it - Always a day late and a dollar short!}

But due to the fact that it's Valentines day,

and that For this guy,

I'd do just about anything

I broke down and did the unthinkable:

I shaved my legs.

The man bought me roses people!  Red ones!

He's not the only one hoping to get lucky tonight!

~bow chicka wow wow~

Happy Valentines Day!

xoxo

~HeatherLynn~

HogWash

So the other day, I read an article on the Feral Hog Epidemic that is plaguing the united states at present.  Currently it is estimated that there are six MILLION Feral hogs on the loose.

Look at these Statistics, they are staggering:

With that said...

Can anyone tell me how we can have a HOG epidemic in this country that is 

SIX MILLION STRONG, 

yet I still have to pay $7.00

for a little bit of bacon at the grocery store?

I'm no genius,

and I suck at Math

but I'm thinking

Bacon Shortage + 6 Million Problem hogs = Bacon for everyone?!?!?

Did I add that right?

Are my calculations correct?

Tomorrow's Valentines day, the international day of love!

Tomorrow I'll be loving on Jerimy,

but today,

I think it's ok to say

 and I also love....

AND

It's a Bacon thing!

Happy Valentines Day Eve!

~HeatherLynn~

February this and that:

Yesterday I ate broccoli, why you might ask, well because it's supposed to be good for you, and I actually really like broccoli.

However, my body/stomach/intestines think that broccoli is the devil, and yesterday afternoon, it felt like the devil was in my belly, trying to punch his way out of me!  By 5:19 p.m. thankfully, AFTER I was home from work, my body expelled the green devil up and out my esophagus and mouth in a violent upheaval.  It was awful!

Fine be that way,

My dr. told me to eat better....I tried....and my body said NO SIR!  So when I go back to see Ole Doc. Wehri on Monday, I'm going to tell him it's not my fault, i tried, and was outvoted.  my trashcan, my stomach and my gut says YOU EAT BROCCOLI, cuz we aren't!

So far 2014 and the end of 2013 have been terribly cold.  This morning I ran outside to start my truck, I had no coat on, my hair still damp, in a dress, and it didn't feel "that cold".  I mean, it was cold, but I think I've been freezing for so long, that Mother Nature has converted me into half snow-woman, half Arctic Seal.

I gotta admit, if I have to be a ball of blubber, might as well be a CUTE ball of blubber!  Aren't Arctic Seals just freaking adorable?!?

My birthday is this week, I'm turning 36, and it seems like....HOLY SHIT, how can i possibly be 36 years old, how did this happen to me, and who approved such a thing!?  I don't FEEL 36!  Well, mentally anyway, physically I feel about 110!  Damn aches and pains.

Monday I went to the Chiropractor and you know what she told me?!?!  She said that I had 2 ribs out of place, (which would explain the fact that I couldn't breathe too good), my finger was jammed and I now have "plantar fasciitis" in my left foot!  I mean, am I falling apart or am I falling a part?!?!

Please, someone in their 40's tell me it gets better!  Please?!?!?  It does right?!??!  If not, lie to me, I need to stay optimistic!

Valentines day this week, are you lovers ready to celebrate?  What's your ideal way to send such an occasion?  Dinner?  Movies?  Candlelight interludes in the boudoir?

I personally think "flowers" are awesome for Valentines day, mostly because Valentines day comes in the dead of winter here in Ohio, and something about seeing a bright, cheery, wonderful smelling flower, really just boosts one's mood.  *takes a deep breath*....I can almost smell them now...can't you?

{Best Chocolate in the WORLD}

Chocolate are also a big hit, but then, when ISN"T chocolate a big hit?  I mean seriously, I could eat chocolate every day of my life and never think I was abusing it!  I personally am a really big fan of WHITE chocolate....I think it has something to do with the fact that my redheaded self is practically an albino, so I'm drawn to things that are as pale as i am!  The albino likes albino Chocolate!  Go ahead, poke fun, it's ok, i can take it!  But if you make me mad, beware, I'll flash you and the blinding effect my paleness gives off will blind you for a week!  Don't say you haven't been warned!

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On another note, I think as you get older, and old fair-weather friends fade away, you begin to really start to love the friends you have with a passion that is unmatched by anything else.  And the friends you've had since you were kids, aren't just your friends, but are your family, you're truth, your mirror of not just who you are, but who you are to them.  Or perhaps as we get older, we love more maturely!....there's no more pettiness, there's no more getting offended, or spiteful in love....as we get older, we know there's no time for such foolishness.

I like that about aging.  that some things really DO get better with time...not necessarily our bodies on the outside, but I think our insides do, especially our hearts, our minds....our souls.  What do you think?  Have you noticed it too?

In closing, I would like to share some good news!  Many of you have asked how things were going with the book I'm working on, and I kept telling you that something was missing...and that I could NOT continue to write until I found out what that was....well, I'm happy to announce, that I think I found what's missing, it's going to take some re-working the story, and some deleting some of what's been written, but I think the missing link has been found, and I can finally move forward!  You have no idea how relieving this is!  There's nothing worse than being mid-story, and know that something's missing, and having no idea what that something is!?  But there's nothing better than when you FIND what's missing.  Does that make sense?

Well, guys, in case I don't get to tell you on the day of:  HAPPY VALENTINES DAY from me, I hope you are loved, and hugged and kissed til you just can't stand it!  I hope you get to smell flowers, even if they are someone else's, I hope someone gets you, or shares some chocolate with you, and I hope that whether you're in a relationship or not, that love shows up in one form or another and makes you feel like a million bucks!

~Heather Lynn~

We went out that night....

With the best of Intentions....to console a friend going through a hard time, to catch up on new and happenings between friends, and reminisce about old times....like all old friends like to do.  Jerimy went out on the town with his friends, and told me before I walked out the door..."Don't do any guys tonight!" and I smirked at him and replied...."Um, ok, well don't do any girls tonight!"  We both smiled stupidly at each other with excitement for the night that laid before us and with that he was gone.  I watched his little yellow car pull out the drive and disappear in the darkness.

I rarely go out with my friends, mostly because my friends are married, mothers, with very busy lives.....Don't get me wrong, I love them to pieces, and I fully intend on hanging out more when we're 80 and can go to Bingo together and stuff, but for now, I wait for life to settle down.  So you can imagine what a treat it is when we get a "girls night"!

Almost makes you want to shout "wooohooo" doesn't it!?

So we start out at the Beer Barrel...we had some food and some cocktails...I had the "Paradise Punch"...two to be exact and they were heavenly!  I was excited to be out and not be driving, so I intended to partake in some alcohol consumption which is a rarity for me.  Being as I love Jerimy to pieces, I generally am the designated driver when we go out, he drinks, I drive.  And before you go saying I deserve to have fun too, know that I drank my face off in my early 20's and I no longer feel the need to partake like the old days.  Don't get me wrong, I'm no prude, but these days, on the cusp of turning 36, I generally partake in stiff beverages when I've had a bad day and I'm at home in my PJ's.  I rarely drink outside the 4 walls of Jerimy and I's house.  I Do LOVE me some Lemon Pie/Apple Pie/Sloe Gin & OJ, etc.  And sometimes, there's nothing like a Land Shark Beer, or a Angry Orchard to really hit the spot.

But my drink of choice when the gloves are off and the night is young, IS and has always been

TEQUILA

And after two drinks at the Beer Barrel,

One beer in transit back to Delphos

and oh, 8-10 shots of Tequila at the Topp Chalet

I was smiling from ear to ear, laughing with friends, and encompassed with pure merriment!

The snow began to fall, 

Fun was being had by all

Jerimy showed up to find a ride home with me

and the Merriment continued all the way from the Topp Chalet

to the front door of Jerimy and I's house!

We were going to call a cab but "TACO AMBER" was kind enough to give us a lift.

We drove home with the Moon Roof Open

Snow coming in like the gleaming lights from a disco ball

and we laughed and sang and danced in our seats the entire seven miles from Delphos to our Spencerville Home.  A Suburb of Delphos as I call it.

I was flying high and feeling no pain

but the last two shots of Tequila that I consumed

hadn't quite kicked in until I got home.

Munchies kicked in, Jerimy and I ate like homeless people

and he passed out in the chair and I went to our bedroom, stripped out of all my clothes and laid down in bed.

Two seconds later, UP out of bed I came!

"NOPE!  THAT AIN"T HAPPENING" I said as the room went swirly and I knew I'd better try and pass out in another position.  Horizontal wasn't going to happen tonight!

Tried my "UGLY CHAIR" in my office.

NOPE

Tried the couch

NOPE!

I thought about going outside and laying in a snowdrift for awhile....

but settled for a box fan and bed while sitting propped up against the wall.

When I awoke again

the fan was off, I was laying down and Jerimy had come to bed.

But my night was not over...

I threw off the blankets,

ran down the hall, woosey and nauseous

and made it to the toilet just in time to barf my guts out.

Ohhhhhhh...myyyyyyyyyy

I haven't thrown up like that since I was in my early 20's and Amber and I played Drunken Hangman in my studio apartment while doing Black Velvet shots with a Dr. Pepper Chaser!

So I puked and then crawled back to bed...to where the room quit spinning enough for me to pass out.

By the time I woke up the next, it was to the pounding of my head, that felt like a stampeding herd of horses running through my skull.

My vision was blurry it was so horrific!

I took two Aleve early, Pepto-Bismol Cherry

and went back to bed until 1:30 pm, 

when Jerimy woke me up to go pick his car up in Fort Jennings.

I FELT SO EFFIN AWFUL!

Jerimy of course was perfectly fine, being as he is not a lightweight like myself

and he was eating cereal

watching tv

just being perfectly sunshiney him.

When he tried to motivate me to get motivated and dressed

I said "shhhhhhhhh"....quit yelling at me....

he said "I'm not, I'm talking normal"

I said, "shhhhhhh....you're yelling again"

He laughed and was like "Maybe I'm a bit of a loud talker"

I gave him a death stare

And I NEVER give him a death stare or scold him for anything

But Saturday, I was not quite myself

I was Heather Lynn Tequila Osting

and if one word could describe me it was

"OUCH!"

By last night, after the superbowl

I was feeling a wee bit better.

My headache went down to a level one head emergency

from the level 3 it had been

and by the time we got home

I was ready for bed

that was, until I realize my wallet was gone.

And by gone, I mean, not in my purse, not in my house, not in my vehicle, it was G-O-N-E GONE!

I frantically called Amber and asked her to look in her Van, she was passed out by then so her wonderful husband Kevin did me the honor.

Nothing.

No luck

I called Topp Chalet

NO Wallet.

I went out in my driveway and sifted through all the snow hoping to find it there.

NO.

I was nearly in tears thinking about my credit cards being stolen

my bank account emptied

So I decided to search the Topp Chalet parking lot.

I had no other option

So Jerimy, being a saint, put his Chuck Taylors back on, loaded up and drove as fast as my mercury would go back to the scene of our drunken stupor the night before.

The lot had been plowed.

SHITTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!

We parked and began kicking out way through huge snow piles near where we parked, hoping and praying for a miracle.

Jerimy found a beer can that I was pretty sure had been one of ours

we thought, we might be close.

I used my ice scraper to pick my section of drift apart...nothing.

It was cold

People leaving the bar looked at us like we were INSANE ASYLUM EXCAPEES

and defeatedly I looked at Jerimy and I said, we're never going to find it are we.

It's like a needle in a haystack!

I prayed "OH GOD, PLEASE LET US FIND IT"

Jerimy moved North,  I moved south and dug out around a power pole, and with one kick of jerimy's Chuck Taylor, one last ditch kick,

out flew my black studded wallet.

It was like a hangover miracle!

We'd actually FOUND a needle in a haystack!

I was elated.

I was teary eyed

I grabbed Jerimy and hugged him saying over and over and over again

I love you I love you I love you

you're my absolute HERO!!!

So between the worst hangover of my adult life,

the drama of a lost wallet

the worst Superbowl I've ever seen

Feeling horrible for Payton Manning

Who looked at lot like me when I accepted that I probably was NOT going to find my wallet and that I'm a sucktastic idiot who was NEVER DRINKING AGAIN!!!!

I've decided that I won't be the least bit miffed by being designated driver for a very very very long time!

Tequila, I love you, but I'm sorry, I just can see you anymore

It's not you, it's me.

I just need some space right now

I mean, we've had some good times,

we've had some GREAT times

but I just don't see it working out between us.

And Jerimy, you're still and will always be my HERO!

THANK YOU!!!

On the wagon in Ohio,

~Heather Lynn Tequila Osting~