Tell me I was dreaming

Edgar Allen Poe wrote:

Lately, since all of the madness has truly set in with COVID-19 and the closures and the mandates and the fear....I wake up every day and I pause and think to myself, was it just a dream, are things really this way...or did I dream it?  And then I realize that it wasn't a dream and these are the times we live in.  People wearing masks, people scared to be near anyone....yet each day, when I wake up, I have to remind myself that I didn't just have a bad dream, and that this is our new reality...and will be so for who knows how long.

I find it fascinating how in a world that can't seem to look up from their phones long enough to walk next door to visit a neighbor, to watch the sun set, hell, even to watch a tv show without multitasking, juggling Facebook and Instagram while trying to binge watch an entire Netflix show, is the new normal....yet, how quickly we miss face to face interaction when it's taken away from us.  COVID-19 came in and just put life for most of us on HOLD, while it takes the lives of others.  I wonder how differently my outlook and perspective would be if I were immune compromised, if I were elderly...if I found myself in my home all alone.

I've heard the conspiracy theories, that this is all a ruse, and this is just population control.  I've heard that we're one thin line away from Martial Law, and military patrolling the streets...but I refuse to give in to those kind of mindsets.  I can't....I cannot see my loved ones as germ carriers, I cannot STOP missing my newly born niece, and I will not allow the hysteria of the times, take away my optimistic outlook on life.  No matter how dire the times may be.  

Lately I keep wishing that Narnia was a real place and I could just pop in the ole wardrobe and go to another world to ride this whole thing out, a place where viruses aren't out to get you, only ice witches!

Being cooped up in the house with nowhere to go and nothing to do is trying, I won't say it isn't....I'm pretty sure I've gained 12 pounds and my ass is growing substantially bigger by the day!  Quarantine has not been kind to my waistline, but when the only thing you have to look forward to is what you're going to have to eat at any given time, well, it's sure to have an affect.

The sunshine is out today....and as the days pass, and we get closer to warmer temps and weather that permits outdoor activity, it will be that much more difficult to stay away from our loved ones!  I just want to hug my mom, ya know...like really hug her tight....and I just want to hold babies in my arms and stop sanitizing from head to toe!

For the first time since my husband and I have been together...he's laid off.  That's an adjustment.  I'm going to work while my husband and step-son are at home.  I no longer complain about going to work, now I'm "lucky" to have a job.  I'm "lucky" if I find toilet paper on a shelf.  I'm "lucky" I'm not sick.  Funny how priorities change and suddenly you're Lucky if you have things you once took for granted as a given.

A month ago, the Hubs was getting ready to put up a shop up on our lot across the street.  Building permit granted, loan from the bank completed..money in hand.  Contractor ready to start...then boom.  He gets laid off from work!  Funny how something like a virus can totally derail all your plans.  All the concerts we have tickets to and were planning on going to....changed, cancelled, postponed.  The only thing I DO kind of still hold out hope for is to go for some motorcycle rides.  As far as I know we're still allowed to do that.

I worry A LOT about my sister Angie who works in health care.  And I worry about her family, and their possible exposure to everything she's being exposed to.  I cannot begin to imagine what each and every nurse, doctor, medical personnel goes through each day when they head off to this new age "war zone" of viruses and death...each wondering if today's the day that they are exposed and infected.  I pray a lot for everyone out there fighting the good fight and taking care of the sick and the suffering.

I'm also so thankful for those who are stocking shelves, and bravely going out to their jobs at grocery stores and Walmart and the like who do not get paid a super-hero's salary, yet they put their imaginary cape on each day and go to work, so the rest of us can eat and wipe our butts and watch stupid amounts of Netflix while laying around riding out this Viral Storm.  Strangely enough, I'm really looking forward to mowing the grass!  I might have to fight the Hubs for the right to, but my butt's 12 pounds heavier than it was before, I might be able to sit on him until he gives up and lets me.

What I wouldn't give to wake up and realize that this was all just a bad dream, that our new reality was just imaginary....but alas, each day, I wake up to this new reality, and I wonder....what the world will be like when this is over?  The thing about viruses is, they take the rich or the poor, the old and the young, it doesn't care about the color of your skin, nor the size of your home...we are all just hosts, and are a respiratory droplet away from being it's next victim.

I have a tattoo on my wrist that says "Faith"...for various reasons, first and foremost I wanted it to remember and cherish Baby Faith (my niece) who came into this world only to leave it forever changed.  But I also got it because Faith is what gets you through to the other side of all things.  Whatever comes, Faith holds you together.  And Faith is also a promise, that no matter the outcome, in this world or the next...it's ok.  It's not that scary to die if you have faith in where you go after.

So....in conclusion, if you need me, i'll either be at work, or at home.  But no matter where I am, I'm looking forward to "the after"...which is a magical place, where we can go back to hugging loved ones, and hopefully, the forever changed...to never take it for granted again.  Ya'll look out, when this IS over, I'm hugging the shit out of each and every one of you!  You've been warned!

Love,*HeatherLynn*

Tell me I was Dreaming