Kindness at a cost?

So ya'll know that one of my favorite places in the world (or at least in my neck of the world) is Schoonover park.  It's where Jerimy and I got married, it's where I go and walk/run around the lake there on nice days on my lunch hour....it's where I've gone when I'm sad, or just need to hear the birds chirp...its my own personal slice of heaven. 

Today, I went out as usual for my walk, the sun was shining, the birds were chirping, the water glistening....it was lovely.  I loved every minute of my walk around the lake and had decidedly wanted to go around a second time, however, I had to pee really bad, and I just thought I had better just do one time around today, and shoot for two next time.  So I jumped in my car, drove up the little drive to the park's restroom facility and upon arrival found a man standing in front of my car where I parked it, him being between myself and my car and the entrance to the ladies side of the restroom.  He was a middle aged man, Probably between 45 and 55 years of age.  African American, wearing several layers of clothes even though it's nearly 70 degrees outside.  Average height, average weight.  Nothing in particular about him seemed alarming.  Once out of the car, He put his hands in the air and said, "Stop, don't shoot!  I'll give you everything I have.  Don't hurt me" in a joking manner, I smiled at him and said, "You don't have to worry about me hurting you!" as I walked around him towards the restroom. 

"What's your name" he said as I walked nearer to him.  "Heather" I said politely as I briskly kept walking.  "Hello Heather!" he said in response.  "Don't you worry miss heather, I'm not going to let nobody get in there past me!  I've got your back!" he said as I rounded the corner and into the entrance.  "Not Nobody!  Not Donald Trump, not Bill Clinton, not even Barack Obama, Ain't nobody getting past me Heather!" I heard him say from outside.  I peed quickly, washed my hands and emerged unscathed by any past or present United States Presidents that might be roaming around Lima for no particular reason.

"Miss Heather, can I bother you for a ride to Lima Senior?"  Lima Senior High School being not too awful far from where we stood.  "I got a bad hip you see and I work at UNOH cleaning out the dorms and I'm all messed up from working so hard over there.  I checked my gut to see what it was telling me about this strange man asking me for a favor.  Normally I get a really good feeling about situations like these, and my gut's never the strong silent type, my gut is always giving me it's opinion on things solicited and unsolicited.

I was on the spot, I had to make a decision.  Do I give this stranger a ride, or do I make something up and leave him where I found him.  I yell at Jerimy all the time for picking up hitchhikers....he's done it many times since we've been together....and here I was faced with the same situation as I tell him to avoid.

I surprised myself when I found myself saying yes.  I was really torn though, because one side of me was like, "HEATHER!  ARE YOU INSANE!!??!!" there was another side of me that said "SHOW THIS MAN A KINDNESS!  YOU HAVE THE TIME.  SHOW HIM THAT THE COLOR OF HIS SKIN DOESN'T MAKE YOU AFRAID OF HIM!  DO SOMETHING GOOD FOR SOMEONE IN NEED"  It was that voice in my head that had me saying ok.

I cleaned off the seat for him and he climbed in.  And we were off.  I could smell alcohol on his breath and my gut said, "YOU IDIOT!  YOU'RE GOING TO GET YOURSELF KILLED BEING KIND!".....but I reassured myself that it was broad daylight on a Monday, he PROBABLY wouldn't kill me.  But I've watched so many crime shows, I always stay aware of my surroundings, I carry my key like a weapon when I walk/run alone, I don't wear earbuds so I'm not distracted and unaware of someone coming up on me....yet here I was giving a strange man a ride, and nobody knew where I was, who I was with, or that I had just put myself into a compromising situation on a random Monday in April.

"Are you single, divorced, Married?" he asked.  "Married" I replied.  "turn here" he said.  I turned.  "So you wanting to leave him?  He ever tell you you can't have no money or he tell you not to be cashing his checks?"  I replied with "No, me and my husband have separate accounts.  He doesn't tell me how to spend my money and I don't tell him how to spend his" and he threw his hands up, clapped and smiled big and said "Oh Miss Heather, I need to find me a woman like you!"

"Turn here" he said as we then headed east towards the school.

"Turn here?" I asked as we approached the first driveway for the school."

"Nope, keep going"  he said  "You've got to let me take you to dinner!"

"Noooooo, my husband wouldn't appreciate that" I replied.

"This Drive?"  I asked as we approached the second drive.

"Nope, keep going!" he instructed.

"This is where he drives you off somewhere to kill you" my gut said in a near shouting voice now!

And it was then that I got nervous.  We were now passed the school and heading into a residential area.  Ok, turn here he said as we were then heading south.

I'm looking down this street, pretty sure it was a dead end street.  My palms were sweating, my heart was really pounding....."what was I thinking letting a strange man into my car!?!?!"

"Heather, you wouldn't happen to have five dollars would you?"  He asked with a smile.

"I don't have five dollars" I quickly said in return.

"Turn here!" he said, and magically we were on a side street that headed right into the heart of the school's campus.  "See that yellow house there, just go ahead and pull up front there and I'm going to get out" he said.

I did as he instructed, and he tried really hard to get me to give him my phone number....to which I reminded him I was very happily married.  He then grabbed my hand, pulled it upward and caressed it, kissed it and said "There's just something special about you Heather, I suspect you are as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside!" and with that, he exited my car and I tried really hard not to squeal my tires as I drove off a little too quickly for someone who wasn't afraid of picking up random strangers outside of women's restrooms in nearly abandoned parks.

My spidey senses were in FULL alarm mode by this time and my hands felt shaky on the steering wheel and I had that rush of adrenaline you feel like when you just narrowly avoid a head on car collision with a Semi at 70 miles an hour.  "Why had I just did that?  TO what... prove I wasn't a racist?  Prove that it's ok to pick up hitchhikers? 

All I kept coming back to though was that I had really really wanted to do something kind for a stranger, and somehow be the change I wanted to see in the world.  I wanted so badly to be good in a bad world, that I nearly put myself into a situation were the outcome could have been a whole lot different just to prove a point to myself?  Just to tempt fate?!  I don't know.....I'm still kind of at a loss as to whether what I did was kind or just plain reckless!

In the moment I felt that I was supposed to be the type of person to be generous of spirit and GIVE to my fellow man, but after I did it, I couldn't help but feel like while it was a kind gesture, that really was not well thought out....and there's other ways to show kindness to my fellow man.  Yet, I'm still torn, is it in these situations that we are to make these small differences...not on a grand scale, but on a one on one basis on the people we meet in the streets and alleys?  Does God want us to show kindness in the face of danger and trust that he's got your back?!  .....OR....did I open myself up to my own possible demise?  Will being kind get me killed someday?

My book 'Dead in a Ditch' was titled so because my real life father used to tell me all the time, that they would find me dead in a ditch someday because I was too trusting, too stupid and didn't have a healthy fear of people.  He told me so many times that one day, being trusting would get me killed!

I don't want to live in a world where I have to be afraid of my fellow man.  I don't want to live in a world where being kind is the most dangerous thing a person can do.

So you guys tell me, was it kind?  was it stupid?  or was it both? Would you have done it?

And just so it's out there....let me just say, that there are two things that I do that are dangerous....I ride a motorcycle without a helmet, and apparently I show kindness to strangers and open myself up to possibly being murdered in the process.  But I want anyone reading this to know.....If I die riding my motorcycle, please know that I knew the dangers, don't feel like a terrible injustice has been done should I die while doing it.  I knew the risks, I took them!  I know that every time I get on my bike, it could be my last time.  But I am not going to stop riding.  And if I get killed in some freak "showing kindness" situation, if they do IN FACT find me dead in a ditch someday, know that I knew there was risk in whatever I did to get myself there.  AND KNOW that I did it out of love of life, and LOVE of my fellow man that I risked my own safety to put some kindness into the world.  If I die being kind to someone, I guess there are worse ways to go.

Luv,

~Heather Lynn~