I have no idea what I'm doing....

Nobody ever tells you that being your own publisher is like so not glamorous!  Yesterday, truth be told, I finally confessed that all this "book stuff" has really got me stressed out.  There were tears and don't tell anyone, but I can't deny there might have been some sobbing, blubbering and nose blowing to the point of having a raw nose! Yeah, not my finest moment.

"Dead in a Ditch" has become like it's own entity and I want so badly for it to get to where it needs to go, but I'm just not a promotions person, I'm not a salesman, I'm not an agent....and there's a reason big publishing houses don't take a chance on most authors, and that's because it is such a gamble and it's extremely time consuming and difficult.  You don't know a book's going to do great until it does!  And the only one's who can MAKE it great are the people who buy it and read it and say "HEY THAT WAS GREAT!"  Which to my absolute delight, so far everyone who's read the book and reported back to me has said just that!  So according to my readers, I think I can safely say that the book is good.  I don't go saying that by the way, I've never been so bold as to publicly announce in my own opinion that I think my books is good.  It just never seemed OK to me to put my two cents in about it.  I've only ever conveyed what others have said about 'DIAD' in hopes others might want to read it to see if they agreed.  And don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I think my book isn't good, I've just always believed that the only person who has a right to judge a book, is the person who reads it.  Everyone's a critic once they open the cover and begin to read....

Book sales have been better than I'd expected and I'm so so so grateful for all of you who's purchased the book!  But what now?

And that m'friends has my stomach in knots.  I want to do my very best to ensure the success of 'DIAD', but as a average ole person, I haven't got Hollywood connections, fancy literary agents and publishing moguls to reach out to.  All I have is determination, a little spare time after work, and you guys.  If it weren't for my friends, neighbors, family and community, I'd be nowhere.

Today 'DIAD' has been featured on Goodkindles and Addicted to Ebooks .com and I'm super excited that perhaps some new readers will see it and find it worthwhile to purchase.  *crosses fingers*

I've often thought of this whole book thing like a lottery ticket.  You can't win if you don't play...and this whole publishing thing was a fun little dream-like venture me and Rachel set out to try, but I've found out, this dream is now a reality, and the reality of the publishing world is that you have to work your EVER-LUVIN-@SS off in order to make a go of your dreams.  Otherwise, you let your own dreams down...for lack of dedication to them.

You think you just write a book and viola, there's your lottery ticket.  But it isn't the case, your writing the book is frankly just a starting point in the process.  The real ticket, is not the $1 you invest to get the ticket, it's the hours and hours and blood sweat and tears you shed to make your book as successful as earthly possible.  Hard work and relentless dedication is the ticket.

Rachel (my editor) said to me last night....this venture is basically like starting your own business.  And you have to put in a whole whole lot up front, if you ever want to see the rewards down the road.  And I don't know WHY it never occurred to me that this book business would actually BE a business, but it is.  I'm opening bank accounts to keep things separate  I'm making spreadsheets and tracking numbers and ordering books and planning book functions!  So many people have said to me "OH, Isn't this Exciting!?!??!"  And mostly, all I can think is, "If exciting is like standing on the edge of a cliff....and contemplating jumping on the off chance that MAYBE you can fly and just don't know it...yet"...then yes, I suppose this is very exciting and probably the most terrifying thing I've ever done! *laughs*

{this could NOT be any more spot on...I never feel like it's SAFE to call myself a writer...or say my book is amazing....for what if I'm wrong?}

In the last couple weeks, I've had to become an accountant, a financial analyst, a small business owner, a number cruncher, a sales tax calculator, a promotions director and an Author who's got a book in the hands of at least 200 people!  I have never been so wide eyed, slack jawed or head a'swirl in all of my life.

So to those of you who know me, if you see me, hug me!  A LOT!  I need it even if my face doesn't show it. If you are an accountant, financial analyst, small business owner, number crunching, sales tax calculating promotions director....and you have some advice for me so I don't drown in the sea of all my new job titles, I'm all ears!  I'd LOVE to have and absorb any and all advice you might have for me!

This would all be so much easier if my Rolodex had George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Julia Roberts, Robert Redford, Steven Spielberg, Jerry Bruckheimer and company in it....but you know, nothing makes a story of success MORE successful than to know that you started with NOTHING....no advantages, and you make something out of it.

I believe that good things are possible...and if you believe in that too....say a quiet prayer for me to keep my head above water....and find a way to really make something, of nothing.

~HeatherLynn~