I like to RE-Watch Old movies:

There are people in the world who watch a movie, and move on.  I however, I rather enjoy RE-watching movies that have a story I particularly connect with.  Watching them again is like saying "hello old friend, it's me again....tell me your story, you know how I love hearing it"....

Last night's movie re-run of choice was Rumor Has it, a 2005 release that tells a tale, of the family that inspired the book "The Graduate".  Jennifer Anniston's character discovers that her grandmother was the INFAMOUS Mrs. Robinson, and that her father very well could of been Benjamin Braddock, who had an affair with her mother before her wedding.

I won't tell you the entire tale, for the movie does a better job than I ever could, but I will tell you that each time I re-watch a movie, more times than not, I pull something new FROM it.  For instance "Under a Tuscan Sun"...that movie has so many truths in it, you could watch it a thousand times and still walk away with something new to think about.

Anyway, so last night what stuck out, and spoke to me is when Kevin Costner's character said to Jennifer Anniston when he was telling her how he lived his life, he said something about getting the advice to "BE PRESENT"...to live for the moment, and for no other thing.

He said that those two words, changed his life.  Which reminds me of my Motto.  People always laugh when I say that I have a Motto....apparently nobody goes around saying "well my motto is..."  but forgive me, because I still do and here it is: 

Do as Little to harm others as you can;

Make any sacrifice for your true friends;

Be responsible for yourself and ask nothing of others;

Grab all the fun you can;

Don't give much thought to yesterday;

Don't worry about tomorrow,

live in the moment and trust that your existence has meaning

even when the world seems to be all blind chance and chaos.

That's been my motto for a really, really long time now, and I'm thankful that "Rumor Has it" was kind enough to remind me of it.  I'm a worrier, yes, I'm a prisoner to my own worries a lot of the time, and maybe that's why I'm a girl with a motto, because from time to time, I need something to remind myself to stop.  Living in the moment takes away all the worries of tomorrow, all the hurts from the past, and allows you the freedom today has to offer.

I think being in a long term relationship has a way of robbing you from living in the moment, because everyone keeps asking about your future.  "When are you guys getting married?"  "Why don't you guys just move in together?" "Are you guys going to have kids?"  Comments like that are a double edged sword.  On one hand you say, "well that's nice, they think we're a good couple and would like to see us hitched"....while on the flip side, it also forces you to think "I wonder if he ever will ask me?"  "I wonder....what will happen if he never does?"  And I don't want to think that!  I do not want my "future" clouded with uncertainty..especially when, wait for itttttttttttttt....AS IT TURNS OUT, NOBODY KNOWS WHAT THE HECK THE FUTURE HOLDS!!  Well maybe Dionne Warwick, if you call that 1-900 psychic network line, but I'm still a little skeptical on that one!

I just want to slap myself and say "Heather, ya big dummy, you're worrying about things you absolutely have ZERO control over!"

I want to live in the present.  I want to love Jerimy today, and enjoy the life I have now.  Because life has a funny way of never turning out how you think it will anyway, so why on earth try and plan for a future that is and will always be a gigantic question mark?

"BE PRESENT"

I'm going to make that my second motto.

The other quote from the movie last night I really liked, which kinda goes along with the "BE PRESENT" philosophy is: 

"Life has to be a little nuts sometimes. Otherwise it's just a bunch of Thursdays strung together."

Ups and downs, highs and lows is the name of the game in this crazy life....but nobody wants a life of just a bunch of strung together Thursdays...

Which, as it turns out, we're in luck, because ladies and gentlemen, it's....
FRIIIIIIIIIIDAY!

And Friday is the moment we're in...
lets live in it, shall we?

Yours Truly,
~Heather Lynn~

Something cool.....on a very Hot day:

{Kindly Borrowed from:  http://askmevie.blogspot.com/2011/03/you-make-me-smile.html}

I'm a romantic, yes, I admit it, I'm sappy, and mushy, and this has really been compounded by the fact that I've fallen madly in love with someone, literally for the very first time.

All those times before I may have "thought" I was "in love", but it's nothing like what I've found now.  Many of you might even say "but Heather...you were married!  How can you say you never were IN LOVE before?"

Well that's simple....and my answer to that is,

"Um, that sure would explain the divorce!"

*smiles at you* 

Don't get me wrong, my ex-husband is a great person, he just wasn't "my person"....and now, at the ripe old age of 34, I feel like I finally found "my person"....and I don't say that lightly, I'm not one of these people who shout every relationship from the rooftops, I generally don't even like to admit to MYSELF I'm even "in a relationship" or admit to the extent of any feelings I should have for someone I'm dating, let alone to the world, because what if I'm wrong, what if it doesn't work out, what if I wind up looking like a huge idiot for professing my "feelings" for another, what if I'm wrong?  I've been wrong before....oh so wrong.

But today, there were no wrong feelings, today there's no stress, or worry, only smiles as I was driving from my early morning Dr. Apt. to work.  There I was driving along and Jerimy popped into my head.  Something that had happened earlier this week came to mind, and I just BUSTED up laughing!  I mean, "snot might of snorted out of my nose a little" kind of laughing.  Because, ...he does that to me, he gives me joy when I'm with him, AND when he's only with me in spirit.

To me, that's really cool.  To love someone like that.

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

And to share with you the laugh....because I'm a "giver"...I'll tell you what cracked my butt up which inspired this post:  (takes a deep breath...this is more embarrassing than me rolling around half naked in the front yard tackling a dog in front of a Delphos Cop -- yes I did that too this week):

So me and my better half were sharing an "intimate moment"...don't make me say it....and well, you see my neighbors' house is really, really close to mine.  So close in fact that often times, if my bedroom window's open, you can hear what they are watching on television, if you sit by the window, and their curtains are open, you can WATCH what they are watching.

So in our moment of passion....I saw Jerimy look out the window, and I said "you better not even be watching their TV right now!"  He laughed, I laughed and he said "if I had my glasses on I could actually tell you what they are watching, that's crazy!"

It's not every day you can watch tv at your neighbor's house while having a romp with your lover simultaneously!

I don't know why it came to mind today on my drive, or why it struck me SO particularly funny, but it was with great affection that he most often comes to my mind.

It's such a breath of fresh air to meet someone who you don't just love, but who makes you laugh!  I LOVE to laugh, and if there's one thing Jerimy gives me, (aside from the best love I've known) it's laughter.  No matter how long I have to be with him, I know I'll cherish what we have now, forever.

Ok, enough mush for one day....carry on people, move along, there's nothing to see here....certainly not the Television programing from next door! *winks*

Happy Thursday!

Oversharingly yours,

~Heather Lynn~

What a Mess:

I've recently discovered that trying to eat a Whopper with no bun, is very comparable to trying to eat soup without it being in a bowl and with no spoon!

Me and the no carb diet have a very love/hate relationship.

Love Carbs = Hate carb-free diet.

 Love results - Hate giving up chips.

Oh how I miss chips.  Hell even a danged wheat thin sounds mouthwatering at this point.

Today, for lunch, I had a slim jim.

Do I know how to dine or what?!

Only 31 more days of diet attempt #2 for year 2012.

Carnivorously yours,

~Heather Lynn~

Torn:

As I sit here at my desk, and close my eyes, I imagine what "could" be happening at my house right now.  See, last week, I was looking at one of those "online garage" sale sites on facebook, and I came across this guy:

He's a half German Shepherd, half Boxer six month old soon to be orphan.  And when I say orphan, I mean he's going to the pound on Friday if nobody takes him.  I don't know why THIS dog, or why RIGHT now, but I was just really torn up about the idea of him going to the pound, like I just couldn't let HIM go....so I contacted the people and I went to meet him last night.  Not having any idea why I needed a second dog, but I just felt like I had to at least meet him.....and who knows, maybe I wouldn't be able to walk away cuz he'd be so terrific.

So, well, I didn't walk away, and not because he was so "terrific" but because he was so I don't know...he seemed like he hadn't found his niche in the world yet.  I know that feeling, bouncing around, floating through life, not ever really knowing who you belong to, where you belong, or how long you'll be where you are.  He was timid at first, and he shed like crazy when I petted him, but the next thing I knew, he and I were riding in the back seat of my neon while Jerimy drove us back to Delphos.  I worked out a deal for us to have an overnight trial run.  I wanted him to meet my boy "Chubs" my other dog that I adopted a few years ago.

The first meeting did NOT go so hot.  Lots of barking and snapping and growling and me being half scared out of my wits, and half determined to not give up...to keep trying with the boys.  After some serious socialization, they began to get along good, they went in the back yard and played like brothers, it was sweet to see them running hot laps around my one tree, and tongues hanging out, panting like they were going to have a stroke!

I had my dear friend Donna come by, Donna is basically the dog whisperer of Delphos, I knew if anyone would know what ole "New Guy Dog" was capable of, it would be her.  She truly is amazing.  After awhile, she analyzed him and said that with some work, and some determination, he could be turn out to be a good dog, but that it wouldn't be an easy fix (food aggression issues and just plain ole "I'm a big puppy syndrome").

I don't know what it is about him, but he is just endearing to me, even though he's destroyed all the solar lights in my back yard, ate a planting pot, tried to bite Chub's head off for sniffing in his direction when I tried to feed him a handful of dog food, he peed on my floor at 5:30 this morning and has been eyeballing the trash like that's his next covert operation.  I swear he's "Marley", but he's like lovable too, like you want to kill him, but you just can't be mad at him for more than 3 seconds.  I especially thought I was going to kill him when he got away from me this morning, while I was wearing only a bathrobe, with my hair up in a towel, and barefooted as he dashed across the street and I feared was gone for good.  He did come back, but I had to tackle him to the ground, and I'm not entirely sure that the Delphos City cop that was driving by didn't see my lady parts a little bit.  Oh, such a fun way to start one's morning! *blushes*  Thank god it was a lady cop!

My current "roommate" residing at my house is less than impressed by my decision to add a new guy to the family....very less than impressed.  So that's weighing heavily on my mind, the fact that he's a total bull in a china shop SHOULD bother me, he sheds like mad, he is a landscape wrecker and food hoarder....but when he opens that big yapper of his, I'm like..."you're cute!"

He's like an evil boyfriend that you think is too cute for you, so you let em get away with murder.  I'm a weak woman, and I fear I've fallen for a very rebellious handsome mutt who will surely turn my life upside down.

What am I gonna do?

I have to decide by tonight, do I take him back to his owners who can't keep him and are taking him to the pound on Friday?  Do I keep him and anger my housemate?  Am I insane?  I'm never home, I wasn't even in the market for another dog....yet here I am, contemplating turning my life upside down for a fur-face that will surely make my life completely different.

Then again, I could get home to find THIS:

and the decision will be a lot clearer! 

YIKES!!

I sure hope he stayed in his kennel today and didn't escape and destroy my house and all my belongings while I'm at work!

Torn in Delphos,

~Heather Lynn~

------------------------------------------------

UPDATE:  As of 6/27/12, "TYSON" (his new name) was happily adopted by a very nice family, with two sons and he's enrolled in puppy obedience classes with my friend Donna, who will work WONDERS with this family, and with my boy, whom I grew to love in the short time I knew him, TYSON!

Miss you buddy, my house is quiet without you!

If anyone is interested in taking their "Marley" to get some training, Go see Donna at:
http://donnasdogobedience.com/

or look her up on facebook!

If you have a Krazy Kanine, she's the answer to your prayers!
If it weren't for her, yesterday woudn't of went as well as it did, and "TYSON" would still just be a dog who needed a chance, a dog without a home.

In Awe is an Understatement:

{Kindly Borrowed From:  http://frugal-science.com/blog/2012/01/cartoon-of-albert-einstein-stand-rapt-in-awe/}

Well....where do I even begin...Friday I sat at a computer and I felt compelled to write what turned out to be "A community in Mourning's" post.  I worried, and was nervous, what if people think it's rude to write what I did, that it wasn't the right time, or right place, or I didn't know them well enough to take it upon myself to talk about them, but something in me just kept saying, "shhh, it's ok, write."  And so I did.  When I hit my "publish" button, I had butterflies in my stomach, and then a voice said, "shhhh, wait and see."  So I went back to my day and hoped I wouldn't receive an email telling me to mind my own business!  But that email never came.

For the new people who have stopped by this website due to the "Community in Mourning" post, or "Drew's post" as I call it, I started up this blog in order to get back to my roots of writing, I blogged for five years, while going through everything from divorce, to Family dysfunction....you name it, it's likely that at some point I've written about it, but the other reason for the blog was to have a place to go to write about the books I wrote, they are Fiction, and they aren't exactly like what I wrote here on Friday, just something I do for fun, but yesterday, changed things a little around here.  I didn't write about my books, I wrote about something that we here in this community were going through, and WOW, I cannot tell you the overwhelming response it's had.  Over a thousand people have been to this website to read "Drew's Post" since I published it Friday.  In the world of blogging, um, that's a lot a people.  The blog went from coast to cost, even to Canada.  Which makes my heart swell to know that people, strangers and those who knew him alike, came and showed their support, love and respect, pain and confusion and loss and hope.  To connect with others in their time of need, or emotional pain is part of the human experience that God, I believe, Intended for us.

If that saying is true, that it takes a village to raise a child, then let it be said that it also takes that same village to survive the loss of a child.

I got so many emails, and comments from so many of you, telling me your thoughts on the post, your thoughts on life, on loss, on peace.  I believe you've shared with me far more than I have shared with you, you all wrote that my post "touched you" and I must reply, that your comments "touched me"!  I read them, and was in awe of the things that were offered to me, and the heartfelt words written.  I shall always feel a special connection to them.  I truly felt every sentiment that was offered back to me.  Honest to goodness I received many of them while attending a Hawaiian Luau/surprise birthday party via my phone, and let me tell you, even the happiness of that festive occasion couldn't keep the tears at bay.  I want you all to know that replies to your comments will be forthcoming.

Yesterday was my better half's son's birthday.  He turned 15, and while we celebrated the day of his birth at the creamery for some ice cream, I saw the mourners, likely each and every one of you, going in and out of Harter's funeral home paying your final respects to a little boy who would have no more birthdays.  It was a a bittersweet celebration for me.

My thoughts and prayers continue to be with the K family as today little D is being laid to rest.  May the cool breezes of today cool the red eyes of those who cry, may the sunshine warm the cold from the hearts of those who feel angry or bitter, and may the love, support and prayers from the 1,000+ people who came to read this blog fall over every heart, head and soul of the people who will continue to mourn when the rest of the world seems to carry on.

Though he may be gone, he will never be forgotten.

{kindly borrowed from:  http://boogersonthewall.com/tag/losing-a-child/}

~Heather Lynn~

A community in mourning:

{Kindly Borrowed from:  http://mothergrievinglossofchild.blogspot.com/2012/06/saturdays-sayings-surviving-child-loss.html}

Yesterday a child lost his fight to stay alive.  What had been a fun summer day, of swimming and playfulness turned to tragedy in the blink of an eye, and as I type these words to you, there is a family who is grieving worse than any of us dare imagine.

Every status of all of my friends on facebook, is that of heartbreak for this little boy who's feet once pitter pattered across the hearts of all who met him, and in times like these, there are just no words to offer comfort to someone suffering a loss of this magnatude, but I want to try anyway. 

Complete strangers' hearts have been affected, a community darkened by the loss of the light of one of our own.  I'd take the pain of my three dislocated ribs and I'd take it with joy to avoid the pain this loss is causing so many.

I did not know this child, I at a time knew his Mother.  She being younger than I, but attending the same school, and her brother was my classmate.  I remember her as a young girl, pretty blonde hair and a smile that could light up a room, I just imagine her son likely had her qualities, her uniqueness, a part of her own soul.

I have heard this family has already suffered the loss of a child, and now must endure this second loss, and It's so easy to shake a fist to the heavens and say "WHY GOD, WHY?!?!  WHY WOULD YOU LET THIS HAPPEN?!?!" and it's only natural to do so, because our earthly comprehension, cannot understand Divine intervention.  Our human hearts, can not fathom Godly love and Divine destiny.

I read a quote and it made me feel uplifted, and it was: 

"An Angel in the book of life wrote down my baby's birth. And whispered as she closed the book "too beautiful for earth."
~Author Unknown

Perhaps little Drew K. was just too precious, to special, too close to God's heart for him to be down here for long.  Perhaps some lives are too pure to leave here on earth where they will see things that might taint their purity....and he was just too special for a fate less than spectacular.

I don't know if you read the book "Heaven is for Real" or not, but it's about this little boy, who got very very sick, and while in his near death state, had a near death experience.  One that had him meeting God, and walking the street's of heaven, unafraid, enthusiastic, and while up there, he met his sister, who didn't have a name, because she died before she was born.  The little boy who inspired the book, had no idea he'd had a sister who died before she was born, and did so before even HE was born, but he met her in heaven, and he said she looked just like him.  He didn't die, he came back, and I believe he came back to share his story, so parents like Drew's would know that Heaven's for real.  And little boys and girls who are taken away, are up there waiting for them, loving them from afar and are in good hands until they can be reunited.  Never once was the boy in the book afraid, or worried, or alone.  He met his family who'd passed on before him, he met all the people he'd learned about at Sunday School....and he was not afraid.

Some come back to share a message....while others go on to live the promise.

Countless prayers went up on Drew's behalf when he was still here on earth, and countless more will go up for his family, for peace, for strength, for healing.  I will continue to pray for them, as I hope you will do as well.

In closing, I leave you with this poem:

{Picture kindly borrowed from:  http://mothergrievinglossofchild.blogspot.com/2012/06/saturdays-sayings-surviving-child-loss.html"

Children spend their dash with child-like enthusiasm, and love.  A child's time is unlike ours, days are spend playing not working, they love purely, without lust, or other conflicting feelings.  They believe in fairytales, and promises, and superheroes.  Four little years of life, while they seem grievously short to us, they were a lifetime of love and fun, and cookies and crayons to a child.  When they leave, they don't regret the life they lost, they revel in the eternal life they're given.

I sincerely hope this blog doesn't offend anyone who might read it, I don't pretend to know anything more about this than any other outsider looking in, but it was on my heart, and on the hearts of so many, I just felt compelled to write this today, in part to comfort, in part to commemorate, and in part to commiserate with others who's hearts are saddened as mine is by yesterday's news.

Deepest Sympathies for everyone affected,

~Heather Lynn~

For those of you soothed by music, listen to this....

Ok, so maybe I do.....

Feel  a little like I've been ran over by a Mack Truck today....

{Picture kindly borrowed from:  news.volvogroup.com}

The Dr. Said I might feel this way today...and like I figured he would be, he turned out to be right.

However, I still can breathe without pain, and I can still function better today than I did yesterday, so what does it say about the state of my existence, when feeling like you've been ran over by a truck, feels....BETTER...than you normally do?

Yeah, that's what I thought too...."that's crazy!"

In book news, Theresa is about finished with her editing of DIAD and says that by the end of the weekend, she should be ready to turn her back over to me.  I can't wait to read her copy and try and find the changes she's made.  She's a wizard at hiding them so well that I can't tell what she wrote and what I originally wrote, she's clever like that!

So we get closer and closer to having a finished copy to submit to a publisher for review, and that's as exciting as it is scary.

As for day #4 of diet attempt #2 of 2012, I'm happy to report that no children, kittens or boyfriends of test subject were injured during the progress of the carb restriction phase.

However, there miiiight of been a birthday giant chocolate chip cookie slightly maimed.  *shrugs*...it was Jerimy's birthday, and he cut the part out that said "Jerimy" from the "Happy Birthday Jerimy" that I had it decorated with...and he said "Eat me" and well, when someone gives you a chocolate chip cookie ultimatum, there's really no getting out of that.

You cannot say "No" to the birthday boy....or fresh baked special occasion cookies.  I'm just sayin....

In food news.....have any of you ever poached and egg?  Well until today, I'd never either.  But when I awoke this morning, I was really excited about using my "egg poaching pan" that I'd purchased at a garage sale.  I was expecting to have perfectly little cooked eggs like the ones they put on breakfast sandwiches at McDonald's....however, MY attempt didn't go so slick.

Apparently, you need to put WATER in the pan!  A step that I, a egg poaching greenhorn was unaware of.  So I just turned the heat up, cracked my eggs, closed the lid, and went to put my make-up on and finish my morning routine of getting ready for work.

The place smelled hot, and a lot like burning metal, but I didn't let that stand in the way of my perfectly (or so I thought) poached eggs.  I carried on, determined to be a kitchen genius.  When the eggs looked done, i removed them from the stove and then said "Now what do I do with these things?"  I poked at them with a fork.  I sat and stared at them.  I poked them again.

"Hmmmm...." I said as I contemplated what to do next.

Finally I just ate the yolks out of each of them, and left the burned, stuck to the bottom egg whites in the sink, still smelling like burnt metal and improperly poached egg!

When I got to work, I googled "How to poach and Egg"...you can imagine my hand to the forehead slap when I read that I needed to ADD WATER to my poaching!  I'm such a klutz in the kitchen....every time I think I'm on the verge of not being one, I wind up setting a kitchen hand towel on fire:

 {Actual shot of my mishap}

... or accidentally making a cheesecake where I used the filling as crust and the crust as filling!

Yes folks, I've done both!

Kitchen Genius, I am not.

Lets hope I'm a better writer than I am a cook!

Yours Truly,

~Heather Lynn~

It's not every day that you get to be in AWE:

{This was the sentiment of me yesterday}

Today....wow, today is absolutely a fantastic day.  First I didn't work until 12:30 which, I ain't going to lie, was pretty sweet.  Secondly (and importantly) I went to see a new Dr. today.  A new Chiropractor to be exact.  His name is Dr. Needler and he came highly recommended to me from my massage therapist, a co-worker and by a very, very wonderful woman named Beth who I recently met and have spoke of in this very blog when I first started.

I cannot tell you how good it feels to write to you today and tell you that I feel good.  Like better than good, like the kind of better that has you kissing strangers in the street, breaking out in choreographed numbers with a cane and a top hat and shouting from rooftops with glee kind of happy--feel--goodness.

I forgot what it was like to smile without knowing you're doing it.  I forgot what a joy it is to breath in deeply and not feel sharp shooting pain ravage your chest cavity.

I had three ribs out of place today, and they likely have been out for six months.  For six months, I've suffered, and to finally found someone who knows ways to alleviating that suffering feels like holding the winning lottery ticket to life.  that saying is true, you don't know what it is to have good health, until you lose it, well its true.  Pain will suck the ever-lovin life right out of you.  Your smile will fade to a frown, your positive outlook will become frustration and anxiety.  And before you know it, your life as you know it, no longer resembles the life you used to lead.  A very dark shadow covers everything you know, everything you love and everything you used to enjoy.

Today I got a glimpse of what it's like to have that shadow removed.  Even if I only feel this wonderful for a couple hours, I'll be grateful for it.  Today, I am myself.  Today, I can breathe.

...and in the world of me, that is HUGE!

{This is me today, with actual light at the end of a very long dark time/tunnel}



Just Beyond Happy,

~Heather Lynn~

In times of uncertainty...

I feel better when I get myself to some water.  Since as far back as I can remember, I've always been drawn to water.  I loved swimming, showers, boating, skipping rocks across it, splashing in mud puddles, sitting next to it quietly....I have been a water baby from the start I suppose.

As we grow older, we stop splashing in mud puddles, we don't spend our summers swimming every day like when we were kids, but I have noticed that in my adult years, water still has a role in my life....it serves as silent counsel when my heart is heavy.

In times of trouble, sadness, uncertainty and discord, my heart cries out to get myself to water.  If I can go sit next to it, dip my toes into it, feel the breeze float across it and into my face, I'll have no choice but to feel better.

So this weekend, I'm going to get myself out of town, I'm going to go to one of my favorite places, a place to reboot, recharge and hopefully come back better than when I left.

~Heather Lynn~

"I'm having a relationship with my Pizza..."

I have a lover, and his name is Pizza. He's hot, and sometimes spicy, cheesy, fulfilling and sometimes is the only one I want to hang out with in bed on a Friday night after a particularly rough week.

It's scary how close the following clip is to my mental state sometimes!

But while Julia's out buying bigger jeans, I'm looking to downsize mine.  Not because I am ashamed of my body, I've learned a long time ago that I'll never be a size 2, me as a skeleton wouldn't fit into a size two!

*laughs*

Today is day #1 of diet attempt #2 for the year 2012.

Thinking back to the 11 pounds I lost earlier this year, I'm sad that all the headway I made, was lost after the car crash I sustained back in January which has left me at times, a shell of who I used to be.  Chronic pain and headaches are no way to go through life, that much I can assure you.

Two years ago, I wore a bikini top in public, I'm ready to be that brave again, and I have 39 days to get back to where I can feel comfortable doing so again.  It's 39 days until I have an event I would like to display that bravery.  Will I make it, I don't know, am I going to try to, you bet your bottom dollar I am.

It's not going to be easy, and I will likely be one cranky redhead for the next 39 days, but crankiness can be soothed away with success, and I'm counting on that helping me through.  I did it before, and hopefully I can do it again.

I can't exercise like I used to due to the pain I'm in.  And the complete and total havoc working out causes my body every time I try to do the things I used to doesn't help either, but I'm going to give it my best shot.  Optimisms key I think.

So if the tone around here is ever so skewed momentarily, bare with me, and let me apologize for any bitterness that you might hear underlying in my words, in advance! 

I'll do my best to not be a total crankypants!

I had nine almonds for breakfast, and so it begins!

Wish me luck if you will.

And for anyone looking for a fun and easy tool to use in their weight loss and staying accountable for that which they put in their mouths vs. that which they expend in physical activity, go here, and sign up for a free account:  http://www.myfitnesspal.com/

Happy Monday All!

Hope you all had great weekends!

~Heather Lynn~

F is for Friday and Friday is for Funny:

Part of my job working for the Court I work for requires that I go down the street to the Common Pleas Courthouse and do our filing.  I take our Judgment Entries and other documents to the Clerk's office for filing, pick up anything they need to file with our Court, and I empty our PO Box, and check with the Auditor's office to see if they have anything for us.  It's a perk in the Summer...to take a nice little walk in the sunshine, it's hell in the winter when you freeze your tushie off walking in the snow, sleet and rain and freezing temperatures.

However, one thing that is constant with my runs to the Courthouse is that inside the Clerk's Office, the temperature is always warm!  I just really enjoy the staff at the Clerk's Office here.  They are always so cordial, and I thoroughly enjoy seeing them each and every day.

Earlier this week, the one and only male in the office asked me when I arrived, "Do you know how to tell if a Biker's happy?"

"No, how?" I asked enthusiastically,

"There's bugs in their teeth!"

And who doesn't enjoy a good biker joke out of the blue?!?  So Mike if you're reading this, Thanks for that, and keep em' coming!  Always a pleasure.

This came to mind this morning as I was commuting to work on my Motorcycle....I smiled at the thought, and then THIS happened:

{Picture kindly borrowed from:  jokideo.com}

Yeah, I think I need to lay off the Pizza Hut Stuffed Crust, my cheeks are getting a little chubby!

There's nothing sexy about a chick on a Harley if her face looks like THIS!

*laughs*

Hope I don't have bugs stuck in my teeth!

Happy Friday Everyone!

Have a fantastic Weekend!

Love,

~Heather Lynn~

It is a scary notion....Rejection:

{Picture kindly borrowed from:  workingwritersclub.com}

Once upon a time in a land not so far away, there was a girl who felt the devastating pain of rejection.

We've all been there haven't we?

It is a profound sadness when you put yourself out there, on a wing and a prayer, and hope and pray, only to have those dreams, those hopes, dashed by the ugly face of "thanks but no thanks".  And that's if we're lucky.  Sometimes rejection comes in much harsher terms.

Today was a good day, I rode my Harley to work, and the ride home was absolutely glorious....just divine really.  A frozen face on the ride TO, was well worth the warmth of the sun on my face on the way home.  When I arrived back here to my house, all was quiet, no one stirring, so I warmed up leftovers in the microwave.  I sat at the table alone, ate my dinner in solitude, and then plopped on my big red couch to watch some television. 

I started out with "Remember the Titans" on the family channel, but it didn't hold me, I flipped and flipped until I settled on a show called "FriendZone".  I'd never seen the show before, but quickly discovered it was a reality television series where people confessed their "feelings" for their best friends.  Being as I'm not a fan of reality television, I was ready to turn the channel, but found myself compelled to watch on, waiting, wondering, would he/she, or wouldn't he/she return the sentiment.  The first couple of young people were a happily ever after, but the ones to follow (as i got sucked into SEVERAL episodes)...were not as lucky.

To watch the testimonials of the would be revealers, to see the genuine nerves, and worry that they could be making a huge mistake, as they risked the sanctity of their current stable relationship for one of uncertainty, and quite possibly demise, well it was just compelling.  I'm not going to lie, I couldn't stop watching. I had to know....would they get their feelings stomped on by the boot heels of love?  Did their special friend hold that same candle for them?!

For as long as I can remember, I've always been a "romantic" at heart.  Yet a realist in my head.  My heart was overwhelmingly generous with itself, and I've suffered the consequences of that specific personality trait more times than I dare try and count.  And in being who I am, I've been rejected.  I've tasted the bitterness that is "I'm sorry, I don't like you" or "I don't like you enough" and it sucks.  It is a feeling that goes deep deep inside and most people, assuming you have a beating heart in your chest....feel a lasting effect from having it happen.

After the shows ended, I felt immensely aware of the sadness that watching those other people's sadness instilled in me.  Like I was a barometer to the emotional temperature of others....I went outside and I sat for awhile, and I couldn't shake the dampened mood.

Nobody likes to have their dreams dashed.

Nobody likes to hear, you're not good enough..

and rejection is not solely exclusive for romantic endeavors.

I stand to be rejected as we speak.

Should I ever get around to submitting my manuscript to someone who knows their stuff in the wonderful world of writing, I stand to be rejected.

And no matter how much you tell yourself, "I'll be fine with it...you win some you lose some", at the end of the day, there will be a part of you that says, "you're not good enough"...

When in reality, rejection doesn't have to be personal.  The people we love, we don't just pick a name out of the phone book and say, I'm going to love that person!  Love, appreciation, smitten-ness, it's not something we can really help, it just comes natural.  We don't know why, or how to control it.  So when someone doesn't love you back, it's not because you're not worth loving, it's just that you're not their preference, their chemical make-up isn't turned on by yours.  Take magnets for example, you can try all day to push the two sides that are unattracted to one another and they just won't cling, while two others, when one's positive and one's negative side are put up to the test, they do attract.  Or how about soda pop?  Why do certain people like Mountain Dew, while others only crave Big Red?  It's not that Mountain Dew isn't a fine soda, great caffeine content, bubbly personality, a very lovely yellowish green color....but some people want something red instead.  Do you think Mountain Dew's at home right now, moping about the house, worrying about someone not liking them...NO, they are not, because, well lets face it, Mt. Dew's a Soda and they don't have feelings and irrational human characteristics! *winks and smiles*

The point is...

I swear I have one...

Is that rejection is not the end of the world, or even an end to an endeavor, it's just a way of someone telling you that you, or your book, or a flavor of soda pop isn't their preference in optimum enjoyment.

That sounds a lot better than,

"YOU SUCK!" doesn't it?

In the end, we're all little soda pops, sitting on the cooler shelf of life, just waiting for someone to tell us we're their favorite.

It's good to just be on the shelf I guess right?

Swearing off watching anymore FriendZone,

~Heather Lynn~

Time Changes Everything:

While researching and writing my third manuscript I stumbled upon a song called "Time Changes Everything", by Nyctalgia, it's an instrumental song, and it's eerily captivating.

I'll post it for you here, perhaps you can listen to it as you read this.  I enjoy some good "themed" background music sometimes, perhaps you will as well.

So this song comes to mind sometimes, I'm not entirely sure why, but it's burrowed into my subconscious and pops up at times when IT feels it's appropriate.  It's quite an odd phenomenon to be honest with you, to have a song weasel it's way into your brain and take up residency there.

So there I was, it was Sunday.  Jerimy was working around the house, and I wanted to make one of those fantastic Sunday big dinners that other people and families enjoy on a regular basis.  I told Jerimy I'd run to the store and pick some things up for him and for our dinner.  I was wearing my black form fitting yoga shorts (which I rarely leave the house in shorts due to the fact that I'm basically an albino and cannot absorb sun like other human beings), a purple and black tank top with a racer back and black flip flops.  Not exactly an outfit I'd normally go shopping in, but it was early I rationalized that nobody I would know would be at the store on a Sunday morning, hence, therefore nobody would see me, and it'd be like I never wore this in public.  Very similar to the whole...."if the tree falls in the forest and nobody see's it" philosophy.

I decided that for our grand Sunday dinner, we were going to enjoy, pan fried baked chicken, mashed potatoes, biscuits, shells and cheese macaroni and for dessert, strawberry cheesecake!  About makes your mouth water doesn't it?  I was pretty excited.  After my divorce, I was really single for a long time, and one thing you really miss when you live alone, is having someone to cook for.  You can't make a big meal or you'll be eating leftovers for a month!

Anyway, so I'm at the store, headed down the soda aisle when who do I see?  One of my ex's.  My first ex.  The first boy I'd ever been crazy about.  I haven't seen him in years, and the last time we spoke, he basically ripped my heart out of my chest, lit it on fire and then pissed on it.  Not to be dramatic, but that's pretty much the way it went.  Worst of all, he did it completely on purpose, and with total malice and disregard for my mental well being.  He was a rather mean boy when he wanted to be.

I froze for a moment upon the realization of who I'd just locked eyes with, and then hurriedly pushed my cart in the opposite direction of him, knowing full well, unless I hid in this aisle for the next 20 minutes or so, I WOULD surely cross paths with him again should I continue on with shopping.  The store was entirely too small for the both of us, but I refused to leave the dream of Sunday dinner made with love for Jerimy all because some ghost from my past decided to haunt me this day.

So I headed for the milk.  Cursed as my luck can be sometimes, Ex-guy was standing at the milk cooler when I arrived there.  I refused to run, to slink away from the situation, so I stood next to him, practically elbow to elbow, neither one of us made eye contact, and neither said a word.  I pretended like I didn't recognize him.....Ignorance is bliss right?

I held my head high, and as he moved away from where I stood, heading toward the frozen pizza case, I looked at the man he'd grown himself into.  He wasn't at all like I'd remembered.  I used to think he was so cool.  Now, he just looked ordinary.  Running shoes, T-shirt and athletic shorts.....he was entirely NOT the way I remembered him.  He was no longer special to me in any way, he was just some guy I used to know.  Nothing more, nothing less.  Upon that realization, I was no longer affected by his presence.

Naturally we checked out nearly simultaneously, and headed to the parking lot with our groceries at the same time.  He walked to his minivan, me to Jerimy's yellow car and I thought..."A MINI VAN??!??! He drives a mini van now? Wow, that's not the boy I knew"...and then I smiled.

The music started in my head then....Time truly does change things.  And for the better, and the way it's supposed to.  I was never meant to be with a boy who'd hurt me the way he had, I was never meant to be seated in that mini van next to him on this journey of life, I was always meant to be exactly where I am now, with Jerimy....riding my motorcycle down fifth street racing each other from light to light like we do when we're out together.  Him always winning of course.  My 883 Sportster doesn't stand a chance against his monster Dyna Glide.

It's a satisfying feeling when you realize that all of your hurts from yesterday don't hold a candle to all the joys of your today.

So THANK YOU EX-GUY for breaking my heart all those years ago, no hard feelings.....because without your doing so, I'd never be where I am now. 

Happy.

Reflectively yours,

~Heather Lynn~

Headaches, Bob Ross & Happiness:

{Picture kindly borrowed from:  ellies-whole-grains.com}

Remember those ads on television growing up, where they showed you an egg and said, "This is your brain."

Then the person cracked the egg open, threw it into a frying pan and said, "this is your brain on drugs."

Well the picture above was the state of me yesterday.
It wasn't pretty, unless you count being "pretty miserable".

Due to the lasting side effects of a car accident I was in back in January, I have a lot of neck, back, chest, arm and shoulder pain.  I go to physical therapy, massage therapy and to the doctor and chiropractor.

However, the headaches remain, and I'm in pain every day, regardless of how hard I try not to be.

I don't let it get me too down though, I do what I can, and I suck it up and trudge on, because I truly feel in my bones, that life is just too short and too spectacular of a gift to waste it laying on the couch on a heating pad with an ice pack on my head.  Even though that's what I probably SHOULD do, I just can't waste my life that way.  Ya know?

Yesterday was tough on me, the sensitivity to light, sound, smell....the nauseous feeling that had me thinking I might need to pull over and barf on the way home from work was vastly unpleasant.

Certain things I try and avoid when my head is pounding, and they include, talking on the phone, looking at a computer screen, watching television, reading, and basically doing anything that requires a lot of concentration or thought.  So you can imagine my surprise when I found myself sitting at my Editor, Rachel's house last night reading DIAD on an I-pad screen reviewing the work of Theresa Turner, who's spent the weekend fixing my inadequacies as a writer, also known as "tense issues" and just plain old "inexperience".

Now, I've read DIAD's beginning soooooo many times that it's almost like nails on a chalkboard to once again set out and go through it another time....(for the millionth time, at least!), yet Rachel assured me that I would have my mind changed as soon as I began reading it.

I pushed my headache aside and I began to read.

Line after line, I breezed through, finding that it was so smooth, it was like satin.  I believe at one point I might have said, "Theresa just may be the Bob Ross of Editing, (minus the beard and the very round-shaped hair)--waving her magic brush and making my book glorious"....and I don't think I've ever said my book was glorious before.

{Picture kindly borrowed from:  Wikipedia.com}

Theresa's so good, I was hard pressed to find what she changed.  I kept trying to put my finger on it, to say: "AHA!  HERE, I FOUND IT!" but try as I might, I only read my words that I had originally written, arranged beautifully and pleasing to the eye.

So, there we sat, Rachel covered in head to toe poison ivy, me with a massive migraine, sitting on her front porch, I-pad in hand, completely oblivious to our physical state, and enthralled with a story we've both read a million times before.

That my friends is magical.

To make the old new again.

To make stale, fresh.

To take an ole rough rock, and polish it until is shines.

Life is really short.  I can't tell you how happy I am to really be living MINE right now, even in pain, even though it's less than perfect, it still has so much to offer! 

I am constantly surrounded by THE best people a girl could ever ask for....

and that likely includes YOU, who's reading this right now.

Smile about that.

Go ahead, I bet you can't stop it from happening...

mhmm...

there it is!

Sincerely and yours truly,

~Heather Lynn~

Breaking the Law: In Grammar and Traffic

Goooooood Morning to you, and you and you...(that's me being optimistic)

It's a lovely rainy morning here in Ohio, and it's a nice change of pace, we needed the rain, and I needed an excuse as to why my hair's such a disaster!  Rain is the perfect scapegoat.

So this weekend, Rachel called me and asked me the question that I knew would come up eventually:  "What are you goals with all of this writing stuff"....

*deer in the headlights look*

so here was a roundabout answer that came out..

"Well, Rach, I, um, I kinda just wanted to make the book available, and just see what happened.  And if I sold just one book, to one person, who wasn't my mom, sister, or boyfriend who all support me because they love me....well then that would be quite the success in my eyes!"

"Just one book?"  Rachel said, sounding surprised.

What can I say, I keep expectations low, makes them easier to exceed should exceeding expectations rear it's glorious head.

In exciting news, DIAD is getting reviewed by some of the sharpest grammar experts in the area this weekend.  Theresa Turner, Rach and I's secret weapon tore through 100 pages over the past couple days, and I'm really excited to see what magic she's worked with fixing my "tenses"...as it turns out, I have "tense" issues when I write!

So thank you, thank you, thank you Miss Theresa for coming on board with us, and lending us your expertise!  Also sending thanks out to Keri Jones for also agreeing to comb through and make DIAD better than ever.

In un-related book news, this weekend I got pulled over!  Oh yes, I'm a total law breaker as it turns out.  So there I was, riding my Harley with Jerimy (who for those of you who  might not know....Jerimy is my boyfriend, and he's pretty much the best thing since sliced bread in my opinion)...anyway, Jerimy and I were in Van Wert, going to visit some friends, and as soon as we passed the Van Wert Police SUV sitting on main street and he pulled out behind us, I knew I was getting pulled over.

Sure enough, four blocks later, those ole blue and red flashers fired up and I knew they were for me.

My very first biker bust!  How exciting!  My heart was racing, my palms were sweaty, it had all the emotion you'd want your first near arrest should! (I kid, I was totally not getting arrested...well I didn't think I was anyway)

The officer walks up..."License and registration please"

"I don't have my registration on me, but here's my license"

"Insurance card?"

"Yes sir"

I handed him my documents that I pulled from my Harley Davidson chain wallet that was securely stuffed into my back pocket.

He inspected them, and the looked at me.

"Do you know why I stopped you?"

"No...was I uh, speeding or something?"

"No, you were riding fine.  However, I ran your plates and my dispatcher informed me that your a novice.  And as a novice, for the first year you must....?"  He questioned.

I felt very much like I was back in school, and my current events teacher Mr. Langhals was quizzing me over material he had taught us.

I blinked at him and looked innocent.

He smiled at me.

"it means you must wear your helmet!"  he finally said when I didn't answer him.

"Oh, I think I'm beyond my year aren't I?'

"No, it says right here, you're a novice until......{big dramatic pause and then a squinty-eyed look with a smirk}....until June 11th...three days!"

I smiled at him and said..."three days?  pretty close..."

By this time, my better half Jerimy comes walking up and says "what's going on?"

I informed him that I was being stopped for not having my helmet....

"Can you go get a helmet?"  The officer asked.

"I live in Delphos, that's miles away...." I said.

"Well, I can't let you drive away from here without one, either you can get a helmet from somewhere and get it here, or I'll have to give you a $100 ticket for riding without one.  I'd rather let you keep that money in your pocket.  My dispatcher didn't tell me you were only 3 days from no longer being a novice, had I of known that, I'd of likely not even pulled you over....but now that I have her (speaking to Jerimy now), I can't let her go down the road without a helmet.  If this young lady goes down the road and cracks her head open, I'll be responsible."

Drug dealers, bank robbers, and contract killers in the world, and I'm being detained for a helmet infraction!  Oh the travesty!

Long story short, Jerimy made a call, and then left me sitting alone on the side of the road with the officer that was so concerned with my melon while he went to pick up a helmet for me.

I never really get mad about getting pulled over, it's going to happen in life, but what I like about this particular stop is, it gives me street cred!  *laughs hysterically*  Look out, I'm a bad@ss biker now....got the cops chasing me and everything to prove it!  I'm such a hell raiser! 

*rolls eyes and laughs*

In closing, today is June 11th, I'm officially no longer one of Ohio's novice riders!

Sincerely and slightly criminally yours,

~Heather Lynn~

Unexpected news.....and Uncertain Endings:

Today is one of those days, when you find yourself sitting on a side of a door.....

...and find that there's light in there, it's nearly welcoming....it's just calling out to you...

"come see what's inside, beyond....come, and see" it says to me...

It all lead up to standing outside of it, and through an absolute miracle, someone got the light turned on for you....inviting you to....in this case...submit "Dead in a Ditch" to a publisher.

Yesterday, while doing yoga in the spare office on my lunch break, I missed a call on my cell, which lead to a voicemail, which informed me that a publisher might be interested in my book, and to submit a manuscript for review.

It's a "wow" moment when you get news like this....

me being me, I got teary eyed and might of said something like

"oh my, oh my, oh myyyyyyyyyyyy" until I dialed Rachel, my Editor's phone number and gave her the good news.

Through this endeavor of the wonderful world of writing and publishing, I've done a lot a research, and research shows that only 3 out of 10,000 manuscripts submitted ever get published.  I think we can all agree that those are not good odds.

So while having an invitation to submit a manuscript isn't the same as finding Ed McMahon standing on your doorstep with a big cardboard check, it is however about as rare.

...and so....I begin to prepare my manuscript to meet the professional submission guidelines of this particular publisher...

I think to myself once again....

 "is it good enough?"

"Am I?"

Cross your fingers, toes, whatever you got...please...

And if they don't like my book, I'll tell myself that Stephenie Meyer got rejected a ton of times before anyone picked her up.....people pass on manuscripts all the time....rejection is about the name of the game.  If they don't like my book, I'll just swallow my pride and STILL set out to publish it myself as planned.  And then, should I have any luck with that....I'll say I did it, and I did it on my own.  There's honor in that as well I believe.

Wish me luck!

I'm going to try to have it in the mail to the publisher by Monday.

Nail bitingly yours,

~Heather Lynn~

I met someone...sort of....

{one of my most treasured quotes}

{Sometimes while you're our there wandering...you find the path you were meant to take}

Awhile back, when mulling over choices of WHAT to do with my book when I finished writing it, I had a chain of events that happened that has me feeling like fate has smiled upon me.

I was contemplating setting up a website / e-store myself and giving that whirl, which lead me to David Wagner, of TechGuy Solutions, he's a local computer genius who has designed many local business websites, so I contacted him about what it would take to do what I wanted/needed mine to do.  Him being the gracious awesome guy that he is, talked to me about things, quoted me a ballpark price at what something like that would take to develop and then said, "Hey, I just did a website for another local Author, her name's Beth, she's a great woman, why don't you pop on over to her website and take a look at it, see what you think."

So I did, and he was right, #1) she's great, and #2) the website was pretty great too!

He also mentioned that since she was published, it might be beneficial for me to speak with her, David told me that he was sure that she would be open to speaking with me if I contacted her.  So I did.  I sent off an email to a stranger.  A stranger that had done what I aspired to ....to PUBLISH A BOOK.  Which let me tell you, is no small feat!

To my luck and surprise, Beth Huffman actually wrote me back, rather promptly I might add, which was both exciting and appreciated.  Beth writes inspirational books about heroes of Cystic Fibrosis.  Her characters are from real life heroes, her first being about a young girl named Andrea and the heart of gold it takes for her to deal with being a victim of such a stifling disease.  Through this book, she's gained quite a bit of momentum in talking to elementary schools, not just about cystic fibrosis, but also about "bullying"....which I can't tell you how impressed I am by this.  Here's an author who's not just writing, but getting out there and spreading a MESSAGE!  TO KIDS NO LESS!  That folks is commendable.  My hat's off to this woman at this point.

Beth and I have been in a tennis match of correspondence since January when I randomly sent out that first email and she's been not just an inspiration to elementary age kiddos, she's been one to me as well.  Plus she's a retired English teacher, (my favorite course in school)...so I naturally love her! *laughs*...

Last night in an email, she said, "To write a book is like wrestling a bear"...and it so is, it sometimes feels like you'll be crushed beneath it.....just trying to figure out how to get back on top. 

Then she said:

"Don't admire me, Heather. Think of me as an author who finally found her way when she wrote from her heart. That's the same thing you are doing. You are writing from the heart. We simply have different voices as authors and that's what makes life interesting for readers - the freedom to choose those authors with whom they most connect"

...and it's these kind of things that inspire me.  The freedom to choose is an awesome thing...the freedom to take a chance to write a stranger, and find in that stranger a kindred spirit of sorts....an absolute blessing.

I'll admit, I've been pretty nervous about her reading DIAD...because lets face it, she writes "from the heart"....good stuff, beautiful stuff....while me, my books can be a wee bit twisted!  I believe it was my friend Andrea who said for a little while after reading one of my books she was scared when she went to the gas station alone! Which makes me happy on one hand to know that something I wrote could have that affect on someone, however, putting the fear into someone...well that's just not very nice of me now is it?! (Andrea, I appolgize...a little) *winks*

Beth says not to admire her, but I think I will anyway....she's too nice to stop me!

{INSERT EVIL LAUGH AND OMINOUS MUSIC HERE}

So in closing, I wanted to say, even if you think you didn't help me, you might of helped me more than you know by just one little thing you said, or just one little reaction you had...or line you liked, it meant something to me.  To those of you who I bombarded with questions like "what did you think of this part?" and "what about this character...", "was this realistic"....etc.

I thank you.

---------------------------------

To update those of you who are patiently waiting for me to finish book #3....I'll say this:  I've got about 200 pages written of that sucker, but it's missing something....I can't put my finger on it just yet....but its something.

Soon as I figure out what it is, I'll be able to come up with how that one's going to unravel.  I'll get to the bottom of it, I promise.

Again,

Ever so Sincerely,

~Heather Lynn~

If you'd like to read Beth's books, or contact her about coming into your class to talk about any of her areas of expertise, you can contact her through her website at:  http://danceintherain.me/contact/

If you're anything like me, you'll be glad you did.